Oral Sex

Staff writer Rigby Rat talks about the huge desire for oral sex as part of sexual intimacy.

One day, a good friend of mine called and invited me to dinner. We hadn’t seen one another for several years. I cleared my schedule and around seven-thirty that evening found myself a block from the Empire State Building happily hugging my dinner companion. But before heading uptown, my friend hooked his arm in mine and directed me toward a three-story building he had just purchased. “You’re kidding. You bought a business?” I said. He replied, “No, I didn’t buy a business. I’m starting one. Wait until you see this.”

Minutes later, I stood inside what was to become not only one of New York City’s most popular Gentleman’s Clubs, but one of the few clubs that would survive the mayor’s aggressive crackdown on adult establishments. After taking a tour of the building, I asked my friend if I could interview his strippers and their clientele for an exposé I wanted to write on why men buy intimacy. He said, “Go for it.” So, I did. I spent two years – one evening each month – interviewing strippers and their clientele.

One of the questions I asked the men was: Describe your perfect night of love-making. Seventy-one out of eighty men all answered that their perfect night of love-making would start with oral sex. Here is what some of them said:

“My perfect night of love-making… we would have oral sex first, then intercourse, spanking, and kissing.”

“The perfect night of love-making will start with her going down on me and then me going down on her. Oral sex first. For both of us.”

“My perfect night of love-making would start off with oral sex. Both doing each other, then leading off to other stuff.”

Ladies, what does that tell you? That almost 89 % of the men I interviewed enjoy/want oral sex. And they want oral sex before intercourse! So what’s a dating couple – who haven’t gotten sexually intimate yet – to do? Communicate. You men who want oral sex, remember, communication always precedes sexual intimacy. Meaning, discuss with her what you like weeks BEFORE you get naked. Ladies, this is the time for you to respond, “I enjoy giving head” or “I have never given head, you’ll have to teach me” or “I don’t give head. Never will.” Those ladies who “never will”, just remember the above statistics and think about reconsidering. Why? Because it is beautiful and satisfying to be with someone that you can make love to not only with your body, but with your mouth.

And, guys, just remember, true sexual intimacy doesn’t lie between the covers of men’s magazines, nor can it be found in a Gentleman’s Club. It lies between the bed sheets… as long as you make honesty, respect, and communication your priority. With those three elements in place, then love, desire, and sexual intimacy will never diminish in intensity.


This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses Christmas celebration.



That’s too bad… that you’ve already taken your tree down. It is also too bad that stores abruptly pull their Christmas stock on December 24th, radio stations stop playing Christmas music on the 25th, and Christmas trees are left at the curb – all before The Twelfth Day of Christmas.

If you stop and think about it, very few people truly celebrate Christmas. Christmas season is twelve days. Hence, The Twelve Days of Christmas – the period (the spiritual feasts) between Christmas Day and the Epiphany. People who do not celebrate The Twelve Days of Christmas are not lauders of the Advent (the coming of Christ into this world.) Instead, they mindlessly go with the herd and do what most people do during The Twelve Days of Christmas – return gifts, shop for bargains, put the Christmas decorations in storage, and decide which party to attend on New Year’s Eve.

So, more power to your guy for not allowing retailers to dictate to him how he should commemorate the birth of Christ.

How should The Twelve Days of Christmas be celebrated? However your family wants to celebrate it. Some families exchange a gift each day, while others open all their gifts on the Epiphany after Mass. I know several families that do something each day as a unit: visit a museum/place, bake, read a book out loud, burn a Yule log, make Christmas decorations, volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit an elderly person, have a night of board games, play favorite Christmas music, have dinner with friends, hike, read a passage from the Bible.

If you know the true meaning of Christmas, Christmas season does not end on December 25th at 11:59 pm.

Each year, when Christmas rolls around, how much of your faith you want to embrace is up to you. On the flip side, if you decide to marry this guy – who celebrates The Twelve Days of Christmas – remember to discuss your spiritual differences before he puts the ring on your finger. Before you get engaged is the best time to close any and all spiritual gaps so you can live more harmoniously as a couple, and do a stellar job in drawing your children into your faith. Remember, starting a marriage on the same page is always a good thing!

Rigby’s Favorite Quotes

This week staff writer Rigby Rat gives us some of her favorite quotes! Do you share some of the same ones? What are some of your favorite quotes?


Rigby Rat’s favorite quotes:


“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” – Dalai Lama


“Experimenting on creatures who are unable to articulate their pain is not respect for nature.” – Gerald K. Adams


“The death of fear is in doing what you fear to do.” – Sequiche Comingdeer, Cherokee


“For thirteen years, I taught my tongue not to tell a lie; and for the next thirteen, I taught it to tell the truth.” – The Koretzer Rabbi


“Children should be able to grow up without being indoctrinated with anyone’s religion.  Until they have the age and experience to make an informed decision, they should not be forced to participate in rituals and prayers to various deities.” – Brian Templeton


“Three groups spend other people’s money: children, thieves, politicians.  All these need parental supervision.” representative Dick Armey


“The more you carry the past around, the less likely it is that the future will improve.” – Bill Bradley


“Those who train their children in athletics to the exclusion of other necessities, make their children truly vulgar.” – Aristotle


“Answer with kindness when faced with hostility.” Tao Te Ching, verse 63


“It takes less brains to be successful in the film business than in any other.” – Lewis Selznick


“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” – Buddha


“There are only two kinds of class: first class and no class.” – David O. Selznick


“The quieter you become, the more you hear.” – Baba Ram Dass


“When the heart is at ease, the body is healthy.”- Chinese proverb


“Mind is the source of happiness or unhappiness.” – Buddha


“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi


“Act with kindness, but do not expect gratitude.” – Confucius


Remember, an actor without a writer is a waiter!” – R.J. Colleary

“Those who love deeply never grow old.” – unknown


“Think well, and you act well.  Act well, and all is well.” – Vernon Howard


“The most important thing a man can do is try to understand how he can live a good life.” – Socrates


“I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school.  I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.” – Woody Allen





How To End A Relationship

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the proper way to leave a relationship.


The best way to end a relationship is amicably.  Meaning, don’t do it during an argument, or if you are emotionally overwrought.  Also, make sure you’re breaking up not because of an emotional knee-jerk reaction, but because you have fallen out of love and can’t reconcile your differences.


If you’re one hundred percent certain it’s over, then let her down gently, honestly, and succinctly.  Discuss only YOUR feelings.  “I’m hurt because you cheated on me.  The best thing for me to do is to move on, move out, and start my healing process.  I’ll be moving my things out tomorrow.”  No need to discuss or harp on any other past issues.  If her cheating on you is the straw that broke the camel’s back, then that is the issue you make her aware of by briefly stating your feelings and your intentions.  If her response is to turn the tables, she might say: “What about you?  You’re never home.”  DO NOT fall for this type of verbal volley, or engage in it.  Instead, pay the check and leave.  (If you drive to the restaurant, make sure you take two cars!)


Another way a relationship ends amicably is when the wrongdoer owns up to her indiscretion and allows the other person to move on.  My friend Kat did just that.  She and her boyfriend, Kevin, had a very civil conversation over dinner at a local restaurant.  Kat offered Kevin his space to heal.  He declined, saying it was over.  Although devastated, Kat respected Kevin’s decision.  He helped her move out, then cut off all contact with her.  Kat and Kevin’s mother, however, remained friends and kept in touch.  Kevin immediately fell into another relationship that lasted two years.  One day, Kevin and Kat bumped into one another at Kevin’s mother’s house.  (Kat was visiting with her infant daughter.)  Kevin told Kat that if he had to do it all over again, he would never have broken up with her.  How unfortunate for Kevin that he didn’t take Kat’s suggestion that they take a break from one another so that Kevin could heal.  Live and learn, guys!


So, how do you end a relationship?  With finesse.  And if you truly don’t have the skills to handle such a delicate situation, DO NOT take this personal dilemma to your guy friends for advice, or help.  Instead, contact a relationship counselor for the tools to make the parting of the ways less traumatic for her, and you.  You’ll be glad you did.




This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the psychological issues and considerations behind the subject of breast implants.


A woman who desires breast implants is insecure.  How did she get insecure?  Perhaps, growing up, cruel classmates called her names.  Perhaps her father did too, because he was unhappy with his own self-image.  Then again, maybe she emulated some insecure celebrity, singer, or actress with plastic produce who chirped, “If they’ll make you feel better, then get them.”


Should you really take stock in what a celebrity says when it comes to an idealized body image?  Personally, if I were unhappy with what the Creator/nature gave me, I wouldn’t be so insulting.  Instead, I’d consult with an expert: a psychologist or psychiatrist who could give me the tools so I could like and accept myself as I am.  In addition, I’d request further tools to learn how not to give a rat’s ass about other people’s perceptions or opinions about my breast size.


Can breast implants cure insecurity?  Of course not.  Nor can they make you better in bed.  As-a-matter-of-fact, for some women, breast implants add to their insecurities.  Just look at all the celebrity men who have divorced their wives who went under the knife for bigger boobs.  Did these men leave because of the breast implants?  I didn’t live under their roofs.  So, I don’t know.  The point is, breast implants are no guarantee he’ll stay married to you.


The experts will tell women who want breast enlargement that implants are “a temporary relief” and that it isn’t your breast size that’s the problem.  Me?  I’ll tell you: “If your guy or girlfriends are bent out of shape because of your breast size, then THEY’RE the ones who need couch-time, not you!”






This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses an intimate monthly situation.


Used to be, when I was a teenager, a lot of guys had their “red wings” by the time they were sixteen or seventeen.  Some even wore denim jackets embroidered by their girlfriends that displayed wings spread across the back from shoulder to shoulder.  Guys were proud that they had their “wings” and wanted others to know it.  Today, ask a guy if he has his “red wings” and his response will be, “What?  What’s that?”  Then, when you tell him what it means to obtain his “red wings”, his face will scrunch up as if a skunk landed at his pointy cowboy boots.


Here are the facts:  women get their monthly periods.  For some, it’s business as usual.  They are sexual during this time: ready and raring to go.  But what if you’re a guy and you’re not?  What if you’re one of those squeamish guys, or one of those guys who thinks women are “dirty” during their periods?  Get a grip.  Listen, if she can tackle your sweaty, chafing, manhandled peeing stick with HER mouth, the least you can do is oblige her when she’s menstruating.


There is something primal about oral sex when a woman has her period.  It’s freeing, liberating, and intense; unless you’re one of those women who prefer to remain untouched like a beached whale until your cycle is over.  More power to you.


In addition to being primal, for some women, a clitoral orgasm helps to relieve menstrual cramps.  So, going down on your loved one isn’t a bad idea after all.  As a matter-of-fact, it can be a win-win situation for both of you.  Especially, if she’s going down on you at the same time.


Now, go out there and obtain your red wings!  Remember: dinner at her favorite cafe first, then a relaxing soak with her in a warm tub, and – finally – make love to her not only with your tongue, but also with your heart and soul!





How To Have A One-Night Stand

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the rules of a one-night stand.



Used to be, a one-night stand was what it was: a one-time sexual encounter with no strings or emotions attached.  It still is.


One-night stands start with two people and their uncontrollable sexual tension/attraction to one another.  The sex act takes place, then each participant goes on his/her merry way, never to talk or meet again.  Think you can do that?


If you can’t go on your merry way, and the other person can and does, you’re setting yourself up for heartache.  Case in point:  a friend of mine dragged me to a club to hear music by some obscure rock group.  She was obsessed with the bass player.  During the band’s intermission, my friend and he spoke briefly.  Long story short, after the concert, at 3:30 am, I drove her down to the East Village and waited with her until Mr. Bass player showed up.  Before she got out of the car, I said, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  Then I watched the pair enter an apartment above a storefront, and went home.


Between you and me – I didn’t sense any sexual tension between these two.


The next day, my friend calls me.  She’s unglued.  Then, she bursts into tears.  She tells me she phoned the bass player several times, but he wouldn’t answer.  I said to her, “What did you expect?”  You know what she expected: the bass player to magically put his lifestyle on hold and have a relationship with her.  That wasn’t going to happen!


The next thing my friend did was track down the rehearsal studio his band rented.  She shows up, and the band members prevent her from entering the studio.  Can you imagine how she felt?   That night, I spent at least an hour using the imaginary bicycle pump to bring her deflated ego back to size.  I also impressed upon her that when you have a one-night stand, you gotta play by the rules, or you’re going to get hurt and make a fool of  yourself.


It’s exciting when you meet a stranger and the sexual tension between you causes the mice behind the Xerox machine to come out and bask in the heat.  However, oft-times the blaze and the fantasy are more rewarding than the afterglow.  Especially if you’re not emotionally ready/mature, and are not well-versed in the rules.



How Women F**k-Up Men

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat focuses on why some men have problems with communication in relationships.


It starts when he’s a little boy.  The first person who wreaks havoc on his young impressionable brain and heart is – you guessed it – his mother.  One way she forever changes her son: with her stinging, manipulative words.


I was at a friend’s backyard swimming pool.  Her sister, Rita, was there.  Rita’s five-year-old son, Max, was standing on the diving board, crying.  He did not want to dive off and into the deep end.  Rita said this: “What are you afraid of?  Be a little man and dive off!”


Max looked to me for help.  Rita immediately saw the connection and ramped it up.  She said, “What’s the matter, you can’t be a little man like your father?  You’re pissing me off.  Just jump!”  On that manipulative note, the frightened Max – tears streaming down his red cheeks – dove into the pool.


That day, Rita got her way, and Max learned four things:


1.  That if he doesn’t allow a female to get her way, he’s going to get verbally and emotionally beat up.

2. That if he doesn’t allow a female to get her way, he won’t be looked upon as “manly”.

3.  So, not to anger a woman and keep the peace, he should always cave.

4. When you cave to a woman, you hand your balls over to her.


The sad thing about this scenario is, Max is growing up thinking all women operate like his mother.  Because he thinks this way, and because his mother isn’t teaching him how to express his feelings – or express them appropriately – Max has ceased expressing his feelings.


When a man doesn’t express his feelings, we are led to believe that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.


Men are not from Mars. They come from their mothers’ wombs.


Baby boys are born able to express their feelings.  Max was.  I saw his tears.  Sensed his fear.  How come his mama wasn’t being receptive to Max’s feelings, desires, and needs?


While Max stood crying on the diving board, Rita bullied her son.  Boys should never be bullied by their mothers, fathers, or coaches.  They should never be manipulated into burying their feelings, wants, or desires.  Instead, they should be encouraged to express their feelings – especially fear – without being judged weak.


Now you know where your guy’s deer-in-headlights look comes from when you’re having that big blow-up.  Blame his mother.  Now you know why his communication skills are lacking.  Blame his mother.  Now you know why he hasn’t any balls.  Blame his mother.  Now you know why the only way he expresses himself is with anger.  Blame his mother.


On the flip side, guys, once you’re finished blaming your mother, unlearn the behavior mama taught you: clamming up and caving.  It’s never too late to restore what you were born with: the ability to express your feelings.




How To Be The Other Woman

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat talks about other woman etiquette and advice and the “low-down” of what being the other woman truly means.



First of all, you should NEVER be the other woman.  There are plenty of unattached/ unmarried guys to go around.  And if he makes the advances first, know this, a guy who cheats on his wife or girlfriend is only looking out for his needs, not yours.


However, if you already started your affair, do you really know how to be the other woman?  First, you gotta play the game by his rules.  What are his rules?  He’ll let you know by his actions.  For example, if you call/text him and he doesn’t answer it means he’s with his family. It also means he isn’t going to respond when he’s with them.  So don’t waste your time trying to communicate with him when you know he’s with the wife and kids.


Don’t be possessive.  A married man does not like a possessive mistress.  Act accordingly.  Meaning, be independent. Aloof.  Don’t show excessive desire to possess him.  That’s his wife’s calling, not yours.


Don’t hound him to leave his wife.  If he wanted to leave his wife, he’d be single.


Don’t tell him that you love him.


Don’t expect him to profess his love for you.  He loves his wife, the kids, the dog, and all those TVs, not you.


Don’t get “accidently” pregnant.   Meaning, he doesn’t need you to unexpectedly complicate his life.


Don’t look at – or acknowledge – him if you accidentally run into him and his wife.  Making him have to explain how he knows you will put him in an awkward position.  Never, ever put a cheating husband in an awkward position.  It will piss him off big time.


Don’t expect to spend holidays with him.  Expect him to spend holidays with his family.  Why?  Because you’re not family.  You’re an outsider.


Don’t give him ultimatums.  When push comes to shove, the mistress is always given her walking papers when she makes trouble.  And what’s an even worse feeling than getting dumped by your boyfriend?  Being given a pink slip by some low-life, cheating husband.


Do you get it now?  The mistress is lowest on the food chain.  Yet, she doesn’t feel that way.  At least, not in the beginning.  Soon, though, she’ll realize her position: an on-call vagina with none of the perks a wife has.


Just know this, having an affair with a married man is not for the squeamish.  Oh, and if you think you’ll convince him to change his mind and leave her for you, get real.  The chances of that happening are slim to none.  Remember, if he wanted to be single, he would be.  But if per chance he does leave her, don’t expect your relationship with him to be tight, balanced, or based on love and respect.  Instead, expect him to constantly wonder and worry if you’re cheating on him.  And, naturally, you’ll be forever worried sick if he’s cheating on you.  Not a healthy way to start a relationship, right?


Let’s recap: He’s got a wife, kids, a house, a dog, a TV set in every room of the house, and you.  What do you have?  Some woman’s cheating husband.  Is that the best you can do?


What’s that old saying?  You’re judged by the company you keep.

Are you sure you want to be a mistress?







This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses how to deal with negative emotions and their possible effects on a relationship.


Do you direct your negative emotions against your mate?  If you think about it, in most relationships someone resents his circumstances.  What might those circumstances be?  He could be out of work or overworked, overweight, underpaid, under laid, etc.  And when he resents his circumstances, he either openly – or secretly – blames his mate for his situation.


Directing your resentment toward your mate – especially if you don’t clue her in as to why you’re feeling so resentful – will alienate her.  It might even send her into the arms of another man.


What’s an unhappy, resentful guy full of negative emotions supposed to do?


1.  Stop directing your negativity toward the person you love.

2.  Say to yourself “Resenting others makes me feel like crap.”

3.  Say to yourself “I don’t want to feel like crap.”

4.  Say to yourself “In the name of common sense – and my health – I’m chucking the negativity and resentment.”

5.  Say to yourself, “When I am feeling negative and resentful, I don’t see the damage that it does to me, my relationship, and others around me.”

6.  Say to yourself, “Directing my negativity toward the person I love is like tossing dirt at her when the wind is blowing in my direction.”


Blaming someone else for your situation isn’t going to change that situation. Blaming someone else isn’t going to make you closer to that person.  However, discussing your feelings will.  For instance, if you’re out of work, let her know that you’re frustrated that you can’t find a job.  When she hears that you’re frustrated, she will either sympathize, or empathize, or both with you.  And isn’t that what you really want?  Someone to give you a hug, say she understands, and possibly swing into action and help you?  When you discuss your frustrations with her, she understands your plight better.


Always discuss your feelings with the one you love.  If she isn’t receptive, or hasn’t a clue, then you’ve picked the wrong lady to spend your life with.  The right woman knows that a successful relationship takes a team of two.  She also sees an imaginary scale that needs to stay balanced to keep the relationship harmonious and happy.  If it tips one way and stays there, and neither of you does anything to bring the balance back, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship becomes loveless, full of resentment, and headed toward splitsville.


So, instead of staying trapped inside a cage of your own negative thoughts and resentful feelings, and then lashing out, talk to her.  Don’t alienate the one you love.  And make sure your little powwow is done when she is receptive – so check the calendar.  If all decks are clear, take her to her favorite restaurant, take some deep breaths, and have your heart-to-heart.