Have you ever met someone that you connected with right away? Have you ever felt that initial impression bringing a smile to your face? Have you felt the surety that what is happening in that time is pure and genuine? Oh new infatuation. That first inkling of promise, the shining hope that this new thing remains as good and as wonderful as it began. I just got to experience that very recently, and I can’t wait to see what happens next. I have the luxury of at least emailing with this person daily which helps bridge the life/distance gap, and in some ways, keeps things from getting too complicated too fast. I’m not saying to over-think and find a list of everything that could go wrong, but I would say watch the signs. Watch for any red flags and pay attention to what’s being said and unsaid. More times than not, the actions could show way more or way more truthfully what’s really going on in someone’s mind. It’s best to go into every new relationship with eyes wide open, heart leading the way with your brain as your navigation system. As for me with MY new, full steam ahead hoping for all the best.
That’s right, the unattainable. Time and time again, we work on those who draw us in like a moth to flame even though and sometimes especially because of the red flags thrown right in our path. And what is the appeal of the unattainable? It is the fact that they seem unreachable. It’s true what they say, you usually want what you can’t have and you’ll usually work indefinitely to try to get it. Why is it that we are willing to work so hard for something that is usually not good for us instead of working on something that can actually be right for us? Is it the goal of the feeling of accomplishment for attaining what is seemingly out of reach? Is it the thrill of the chase? Or is it simply that we only trust what we feel we worked for because then it feels as if we earned the reward? While I do feel that each person we let into our lives should be treated as if we cherish them, I’m also a realist; go for the person who will be willing to chase you as much as you chase them.
One thing that seems to be a common vehicle of relationships is a “field of dreams approach” to happy ever after. I don’t disagree to this approach on the face of it; however, I do disagree with how most people “build their fields”. I believe that honesty is the undisputable piece of land that all relationships must be built upon. Love can be a wonderful thing, but it also one of the most powerful. Love is blind, a chameleon, a veritable jack of all trades that can be a master of someone to the point that nothing else matters than the object of that love. When this happens, the field of love becomes obsession. This obsession is usually based on a tunnel-visioned dishonesty. By this, I mean that the “obsessed one” is so full of their own feelings that they feel that the feelings are mutual; but that for whatever reason, these feelings are not out in the open. So they build a life based on what they feel the one they love need or want whether they actually have the encouragement or not.
Building a relationship should be a team effort. It should not be a “let me build a life for them and let them come to the realization that THIS is what they want”. It should be based on honesty (self and with others), respect, affection, communication, and mutual love. If there are red flags, don’t ignore them. Face them head-on and determine whether or not they are deal breakers. If they are, move on; if they can be worked on, get some objective help and work on those problems together.
When building something yourself, the work may be hard but the finished product brings satisfaction. When building a relationship, sharing the work can be a little trying at times because let’s face it, nothing and no one’s perfect; but when you keep communication at the forefront and let each other know that you’re there for one another, the finished product can bring even more satisfaction. Just keep in mind that the finished product is a constant work in progress just like the people working on it.
The building starts with you and needs to move on to include who you want with you on your field of dreams. Start the building with self honesty and when you’re ready for company, don’t forget to send the invites!