…And Change His Ways Tomorrow

This week’s post by staff writer Frank Friedlander discusses the topic of sometimes focusing too much on “mistakes” in our significant others.

 

Whenever I make the mistake of feigning interest in the dating exploits of my friends, I end up with an earful of nonsensical and irrelevant anecdotes as to why the encounter went south. “When he showed up, he was wearing this shirt or those jeans.” They usually proceed with assorted drivel such as “We went to this restaurant and he did this and did that and a bunch of other things that you don’t care about but I’m going to carry on about all the same.”

 

I simply can’t stress enough that when looking for a life mate, or at least a long-term relationship, such frivolities are of minor relevance and can easily be remedied if they must be at all.

 

When on a date, if you’re looking hard enough for flaws, you’re going to find some. Everyone has his or her share. This being said, a good deal of them can be fixed somewhere down the line, or else you learn to get used to them. Evaluating overall compatibility should be the first priority regardless of the venue. Even if he takes you to Chili’s or Denny’s, give it a chance. It doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a lifetime of casual dining at low-level chain restaurants. Even if you are, if there’s a genuine connection, perhaps it’s worth it. Besides, who doesn’t like buffalo wings and potato skins. Vegetarians, but they’re usually weird anyway.

 

The suitor that takes you to some fancy French restaurant is just as likely to turn out to be a cad as he or she who takes you to Applebee’s. Perhaps more so, as they be compensating for who knows what.

 

This principal is best explained in the song “Marry the Man Today,” from the classic Broadway musical “Guys and Dolls.” In a nutshell, when you have a potential mate on the hook, one with the overall traits you desire, accept him or her for why they are, warts and all. The flaws can then be fixed at a later date. As Adelaide explains to Sgt. Sarah Brown, “you can’t make alterations on a dress you haven’t bought.”

 

As is often the case, those flaws often end up being worth the overall package. Other times, you may learnt that they are not flaws at all, and are “quirks,” just part of what makes them who they are. You may decide that they’re part of why you fell for them to begin with.

 

All I’m saying is that you should always give them a second chance, so long as there’s mutual interest and the overall package outweighs the flaws. Unless of course you learn that he or she is an axe murderer, sex offender, or some other type of felon. In such cases, you’re probably better off nipping it in the bud.

 

 

First Date Cycling

This first post by new staff writer Frank Friedlander shows us how insignificant things can keep us in the “first date cycle”. While first dates can be new and exciting, stuck repeating them with a new person and never moving on to date two gets old real quick.

This being my first posting for this blog, I figured that it would be fitting to theme the debut entry around firsts. More specifically, I’d like to discuss first dates, and why they often fail to result in second dates. In accordance to many of the tales that I’ve been told, and half-heartedly listened to, a significant portion of the reasons why people decide that they would just as soon not move on with round two with a particular suitor are simple technicalities. Failures to follow the unwritten guidebook per-se.

Allow me to explain myself. When people, much of the time women are griping about the guy they recently went out with, and why they don’t intend to see him again, the reasoning doesn’t tend to make sense from my point of view. Rather than not clicking with this person, or him simply being a scumbag it’s due to superficial customs that many individuals determine to be strong indicators of the overall date. These include bringing flowers to the door, pulling out your chair before you sit down, and even picking up the dinner bill, which was once a given for a gentleman to do. In other cases, men and women alike will actively spend the evening examining their date for flaws. If that is how the evening is spent, rather than simply enjoying yourself, there’s no question that you are not as likely to get the most out of it, and as a result, are not likely to want to see them again.

More importantly, everyone has their share of flaws and quirks, and if you choose fixate on discovering them, almost as if there ‘s a reward involved, you’re sure to win it. Repeat this process with each potential suitor, the end result will be a plethora of first dates, and next thing you know eight cats are watching re-runs of Melrose Place and Party of Five with you every Friday and Saturday night.

To sum it up for you, someone who seems comfortable being himself/herself and acting as naturally as possible when you first go out with them should be of the utmost importance. I stress the “as possible” part because it’s not abnormal for people to be nervous when going out with someone for the first time, so if they seem a bit off, it could be taken as just that. Perhaps he forgets to pull out the chair for you, or pick up the bill for dinner feel free to jot it down in the notebook in your head, but pay more attention to the conversations. Take note of what you have in common and if there appears to be a genuine chemistry. If he or she represents a good match, you should indeed go forward with the relationship, assuming that the other party is interested as well. If all goes well, then several months down the line it could be time to begin zeroing in on those little flaws and quirks and remedy them one by one. If you’re good enough at it, they’ll never even notice and next thing you know, that lump of clay that forgot to bring you flowers or open the car door for you has been molded into the man of your dreams.

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