First of all, this did NOT turn out like a plot in a rom-com nor did I expect it to. It was as awkward and uncomfortable as I imagined it would be…okay, it was even more so than I imagined; and I have a very good imagination. But back to the story, it had been nearly a year since we had been in the same room together, much less face to face sharing a table. There were a lot of mixed emotions there…First off, there was a feeling of expectation. Of what? That is still undetermined. There were also feelings of curiosity, of “what if”, of awkwardness, and of surety. My curiosity stemmed from wondering what motive could have influenced my ex to reach out to me. The “what if” was what most “what ifs” are: “What if we didn’t break up when we did?” “What if we never spoke or saw each other again?” and the like. The awkwardness was for obvious reasons…I had thought of our seeing each other again but you never quite get the amount of awkwardness you’ll feel quite right. And let me tell you, it was ridiculously awkward. And lastly, there was a surety. And that surety was that we were absolutely meant to go our separate ways ultimately; we were never meant for a “happy ever after” with each other. And now, I could really know it and internalize it on a complete level. I don’t wish any ill will towards my ex. I wholeheartedly wish him every happiness. Would I have still decided to meet him knowing the awkwardness that would ensue? Yes, I would because we had time to get through the destructive feelings that too little time would have put on blast. We had an open and honest conversation about what ultimately lead us to break up and finally buried it. We banished “what ifs”, satisfied curiosities, and conquered our past misunderstandings. Will we be friends now? I can’t say for sure. Only time will tell. Is that door open with a better mat at the door? I think so. Again, only time will tell what happens. But, I can say this, in spite of all the awkwardness, I gained complete peace.
Beg not for riches, beg for peace. Ask not for fame, ask for love.
Unity can only be acquired when we find the corresponding desire of peace in each other and make it a priority.