Reignite the Fire: Ideas to Keep Your Marriage Toasty

married couples in the apartment hallwayGuest blogger Bella Werner gives great ideas to keep the fire going in a marriage. Enjoy!

 

All couples find themselves in a cool spell now and then. It’s easy to take your spouse for granted, fall into a routine, and wind up neglecting the one you love. Occasionally you need to shake things up. Spontaneity is the key. Anything to break out of the dull old routine you’ve both been stuck in since forever.

Here’s an easy way to break out of a cool spell. Plan some fun, playful, and sexy time together to feel the heat this winter.

Cook Together

Not only does it give you a chance to do something new together but food can be very sensual. An old-fashioned spaghetti dinner is a great start. While the sauce is simmering, ask your husband to show you how to “stir the sauce” (be sure he gets behind you). Taste the sauce with a little flirtatious slurp from the spoon and a bat of the eyelashes. Or, initiate a “taco Tuesday” night. It doesn’t get complicated and it can be very spicy — in more ways than one. While chopping the vegetables, toss a piece of cilantro at him…this might be all you need to do to start a frolicsome (low key if you’d like) food fight, which is fun at any age.

Bathe Together

Transform your bathroom into a heavenly romantic hideaway; a place you can climb into a basin of bubbly water; a place lit by the glow of candlelight (possibly some twinkly lights); a place where the sounds of soft jazz fills the air and where champagne (or sparkling water) accompanies chocolate-covered strawberries. Start the hot tub date in one of your sexy bikinishidden under a soft robe.

Play Together

Get out the sheets and blankets, move around the furniture and build a fort in the living room. Pack a picnic and some games to play (Candy Land, Operation, Battleship, Hungry Hungry Hippos) and once the fort is complete, hang out in there all day.

Take it outdoors and run through sprinklers together, play hide-and-seek or tag, and have a water fight with some classic water guns. Be kids and leave your worries behind.

Stargaze Together

When the sun goes down, get a blanket and some pillows and step outside. Whether it’s your backyard, a local park or a quiet destination away from the city lights, take a few hours to get lost in the night sky.

It’s amazing how easy it is to let your fears and worries dissipate as your mind begins to explore the universe. You and your hubby might just solve the world’s biggest problems together.

And remember, intimacy is the key, but falling alseep to soon can be the enemy of intimacy. While you may need to be touched more, he may need you to do things for him to feel loved. A well-known relationship counselor, Gary Chapman, proposes the idea that there are “Five Love Languages” and while you may think your mate is one way, he may have completely different needs. While some people need to hear words of affirmation to feel loved, others find that receiving gifts or acts of service are the ways to the heart.

Hopefully, you’ll find that if you take charge of this re-ignition, he will get ideas of his own to keep it fresh, fun, and spicy.

I’m Saving Myself

This week’s post by staff writer Stephany Salinas discusses the subject of saving sex for marriage. Do you agree? Disagree?

 

 

No sex before marriage.

Raise your hand if you are waiting until marriage to have sex.

I’m assuming not many of you did. 

This is a concept I’ve never been able to understand. Granted, I’m not a very religious girl, so maybe that’s why, but I do know of people who have waited simply because they wanted to, not because some religion directed it. Personally, this sounds absolutely dangerous to me. I mean, I’m not exactly one to go around and sleep with randoms, but sleeping with one person, ever? And that’s not even what blows my mind the most. It’s  more the fact that someone is waiting until marriage, the biggest commitment of them all, in order to do it. Literally.

Regardless of what anyone says, sex is important. Have you ever had sex and just weren’t really into it? Yeah, me too. I don’t get how anyone can risk finding something like that out AFTER you’ve already committed your life to this person. Now, I know, if you “love” someone, the sex should come naturally and you SHOULD bond and have that connection. I don’t know about all that.

I dated a guy a while ago that I thought I was in love with. And I was, at the time. When we had sex, it was awful! I hated it. And ultimately, I think that had a lot to do with why I fell out of love. There was no physical connection there, and the lack of it totally turned me off from the relationship (among other things, but it was a huge part of it!).

Then, there was a guy I dated a while back that I wasn’t in love with. I liked him, and I cared about him, but ultimately I just didn’t love him. Our personalities were so different, and quite frankly, he was weird. I’m almost positive I dated him strictly because I was physically attracted to him. The sex was great.

So, while sex and love are “supposed” to be linked together, I don’t think they always are. And I think it’s when you find that one person that you’re absolutely crazy about in and out of the bedroom that you realize, hey, this works. I like this.

And I’ve heard people say, “It’s not about the sex, it’s about love”. Okay, well, if sex wasn’t such an important part of love, why would you wait until marriage in the first place?

Yeah. Exactly.

And sorry to say it sister, but if you’re saying it’s not about sex, there’s a very good chance you’re a virgin. Or a freak. And not the kinky kind. Imagine saving yourself until marriage, and finally getting to do it, and you don’t click. Then what? Are you supposed to spend the rest of your life having mediocre sex with someone because you already married them? Do you go on with your life thinking that’s it? Does your temptation/curiosity get the best of you…eventually leading to cheating?

All of it just seems so..sad.

I’m not saying it’s wrong. Some people want to save themselves for marriage. By all means, do your thing, do you boo boo. I guess I just don’t grasp the concept of being kept in the dark about something until after it’s too late to back out. Granted, there is such thing as divorce, but..would you want to get a divorce and have the reason be “the sex sucked!”?

Probably not.

I would love to  know what other people think about this. Are you saving yourself? Do you know someone who is/has? Is this important to you? Am I nuts for thinking sex is a big part of love and marriage, and something that should be explored BEFORE marriage?

Till Two Years Do You Part?


 

The institution of marriage is on one side magical and full of hope and on the other side, daunting and full of “what ifs”. Someday in the near future, couples could have the option of a short term marriage of two years at the end of which the couples can either choose to continue the marriage or walk away free and clear without a messy divorce. Would this make marriage more palatable? Would this help change the idea of “well, if it doesn’t work out, there’s always divorce.”? I think this spin on traditional marriage could make things far less scary and even improve societal views on it. In an age of sky rocketing divorce rates, this could almost be a “golden ticket” to marital bliss.

On the other side, thinking traditionally, this would seem a mockery to such an important institution. When you think about marriage, you think “till death do us part”. You don’t think, “well, we agreed to two years…let’s see how it goes.” You think, “I promised the rest of my life for better or worse.”  

We know that human nature is flawed and very much so imperfect. An allowance for a short term marriage contract could provide for that even in marriage. We’d like to think that we could stick it out in a marriage until death; but let’s face it, having a clean escape is very appealing. This doesn’t mean we love our mate any less, this just means that we’re expanding on how a long term relationship changes and grows. In the dating stage, there’s no need for a license and legalities. If the relationship works, you stay together; if it doesn’t, you breakup and move on.

Is it really so wrong to consider a short term marriage if the end result is a happy, healthy relationship that progressed without the pressure of “till death”?