Oral Sex

Staff writer Rigby Rat talks about the huge desire for oral sex as part of sexual intimacy.

One day, a good friend of mine called and invited me to dinner. We hadn’t seen one another for several years. I cleared my schedule and around seven-thirty that evening found myself a block from the Empire State Building happily hugging my dinner companion. But before heading uptown, my friend hooked his arm in mine and directed me toward a three-story building he had just purchased. “You’re kidding. You bought a business?” I said. He replied, “No, I didn’t buy a business. I’m starting one. Wait until you see this.”

Minutes later, I stood inside what was to become not only one of New York City’s most popular Gentleman’s Clubs, but one of the few clubs that would survive the mayor’s aggressive crackdown on adult establishments. After taking a tour of the building, I asked my friend if I could interview his strippers and their clientele for an exposé I wanted to write on why men buy intimacy. He said, “Go for it.” So, I did. I spent two years – one evening each month – interviewing strippers and their clientele.

One of the questions I asked the men was: Describe your perfect night of love-making. Seventy-one out of eighty men all answered that their perfect night of love-making would start with oral sex. Here is what some of them said:

“My perfect night of love-making… we would have oral sex first, then intercourse, spanking, and kissing.”

“The perfect night of love-making will start with her going down on me and then me going down on her. Oral sex first. For both of us.”

“My perfect night of love-making would start off with oral sex. Both doing each other, then leading off to other stuff.”

Ladies, what does that tell you? That almost 89 % of the men I interviewed enjoy/want oral sex. And they want oral sex before intercourse! So what’s a dating couple – who haven’t gotten sexually intimate yet – to do? Communicate. You men who want oral sex, remember, communication always precedes sexual intimacy. Meaning, discuss with her what you like weeks BEFORE you get naked. Ladies, this is the time for you to respond, “I enjoy giving head” or “I have never given head, you’ll have to teach me” or “I don’t give head. Never will.” Those ladies who “never will”, just remember the above statistics and think about reconsidering. Why? Because it is beautiful and satisfying to be with someone that you can make love to not only with your body, but with your mouth.

And, guys, just remember, true sexual intimacy doesn’t lie between the covers of men’s magazines, nor can it be found in a Gentleman’s Club. It lies between the bed sheets… as long as you make honesty, respect, and communication your priority. With those three elements in place, then love, desire, and sexual intimacy will never diminish in intensity.

Reignite the Fire: Ideas to Keep Your Marriage Toasty

married couples in the apartment hallwayGuest blogger Bella Werner gives great ideas to keep the fire going in a marriage. Enjoy!


All couples find themselves in a cool spell now and then. It’s easy to take your spouse for granted, fall into a routine, and wind up neglecting the one you love. Occasionally you need to shake things up. Spontaneity is the key. Anything to break out of the dull old routine you’ve both been stuck in since forever.

Here’s an easy way to break out of a cool spell. Plan some fun, playful, and sexy time together to feel the heat this winter.

Cook Together

Not only does it give you a chance to do something new together but food can be very sensual. An old-fashioned spaghetti dinner is a great start. While the sauce is simmering, ask your husband to show you how to “stir the sauce” (be sure he gets behind you). Taste the sauce with a little flirtatious slurp from the spoon and a bat of the eyelashes. Or, initiate a “taco Tuesday” night. It doesn’t get complicated and it can be very spicy — in more ways than one. While chopping the vegetables, toss a piece of cilantro at him…this might be all you need to do to start a frolicsome (low key if you’d like) food fight, which is fun at any age.

Bathe Together

Transform your bathroom into a heavenly romantic hideaway; a place you can climb into a basin of bubbly water; a place lit by the glow of candlelight (possibly some twinkly lights); a place where the sounds of soft jazz fills the air and where champagne (or sparkling water) accompanies chocolate-covered strawberries. Start the hot tub date in one of your sexy bikinishidden under a soft robe.

Play Together

Get out the sheets and blankets, move around the furniture and build a fort in the living room. Pack a picnic and some games to play (Candy Land, Operation, Battleship, Hungry Hungry Hippos) and once the fort is complete, hang out in there all day.

Take it outdoors and run through sprinklers together, play hide-and-seek or tag, and have a water fight with some classic water guns. Be kids and leave your worries behind.

Stargaze Together

When the sun goes down, get a blanket and some pillows and step outside. Whether it’s your backyard, a local park or a quiet destination away from the city lights, take a few hours to get lost in the night sky.

It’s amazing how easy it is to let your fears and worries dissipate as your mind begins to explore the universe. You and your hubby might just solve the world’s biggest problems together.

And remember, intimacy is the key, but falling alseep to soon can be the enemy of intimacy. While you may need to be touched more, he may need you to do things for him to feel loved. A well-known relationship counselor, Gary Chapman, proposes the idea that there are “Five Love Languages” and while you may think your mate is one way, he may have completely different needs. While some people need to hear words of affirmation to feel loved, others find that receiving gifts or acts of service are the ways to the heart.

Hopefully, you’ll find that if you take charge of this re-ignition, he will get ideas of his own to keep it fresh, fun, and spicy.