How to Do a Background Check on Your New Date

This is a wonderful article from guest blogger, Alexandra from Background Hawk on arming yourself with information when meeting someone new. Enjoy, comment, and share!

 

It takes a lot of effort and calming of the nerves to get to know someone on a deeper level and actually trust them enough to want to go out on a real face-to-face date with them; and in the crazy world we live in today, if you aren’t 100% sure that the John you imagined meeting, really is who he says he is, then chances are you could be up for some major disappointment…or worse.

There are a lot of people out there who wouldn’t even blink at the idea of misleading you and creating a picture of someone and something they really aren’t. Basic instinct should be your first guide when dealing with a prospective new date. How you feel about the guy should tell you what to do, but if your head and your heart aren’t on the same bandwagon, there are a few steps you can take in order to do your own research.

  • Take a peek into his different online persona’s

Platforms such as Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram give you a personal and more detailed peek into someone’s personality, even though it may only be what they are showing the virtual world, it could still give you some pointers. If his profile is bombarded with crass images and millions of friends it should be sending of some alarms. Snoop around a bit. A little Facebook browsing never hurt anyone.

 

 

  • Make use of free public searches

If you’re not having luck digging up any dirt on the social media platforms, then head on over to the public records. Sure you can do it old school and hit the local courts to sift through the records to see if he’s got any dirt hidden in the closet (but that could take ages, and in today’s fast paced world, who has the time for that?), or you can play it easy, and use sites such as www.criminalsearches.com , which has all the criminal records form the United States listed on there. If they appear on the public records then you should be able to find it there.

 

 

  • Dig a little deeper

There’s a site called www.PeekYou.com that gives you a summary of all the different social media profiles that one person has. Take what you find here and compare it carefully. If he’s an IT manager in his one “life” and an Art Director in the next, head for the hills, ASAP! Sites like these work great in giving you a perspective of what exactly makes himself out to be and can really help you when you want to try to determine who and what he really is.

 

  • Get in touch

Okay so no one likes to be a snooper, but every once in a while you have to simply take a deep breath and gather the guts to actually phone or meet up with one of his friends. Ask about who he is and what he’s all about. His friends might not be all too eager to spill the beans about him; but this is well worth a shot, and you might just find some info that could otherwise remain unheard of here.

 

  • Get an OPEN perspective of things

If you haven’t heard of it by bow, do yourself a favor and go check out the site www.Openbook.org . It lists all archived comments and posts a specific person (obviously the one you are digging into) has ever made or been tagged in on Facebook. This step might be a little border line stalker behavior, but hey, you never know what you could uncover with a little browsing!

 

  • Do a DEEP Internet Search

Sometimes due to the fact that we tend to use either the wrong passwords or the fact that we just don’t know exactly what to search for search engines such as Google and Bing will omit results or just not see them as relevant and thus you’ll end up without a hit on what you’re searching for. This is where sites such as www.Pipl.com come in, and man is it handy! It’s a little more like a people networking site but it does some crazy deep web digging, and goes into places and spaces that Google wont. If he exists on the internet then chances are Pipl will have something on him.

The tactics we talked about here are ways in which you can conduct your own form of online research and do a little DIY Background checking on that potential date you have in mind. If all else fails and you still don’t have any dodgy details, he might actually be who he says he is, but if you still have a weird instinctive feeling that all isn’t as it seems then do yourself a favor and get help from the pros.

An advanced background check from a quality service provider will get you all the details you ever needed and so much more. Their results are accurate and up to date – but you have to be sure you use a reputable and reliable service provider. They can get you details on just about anything from criminal history to driving offenses listings and more, but off course the services they deliver do come at a price. Good things are hard to come by and they certainly don’t come for free. It’s something well worth investing in if you have a creepy feeling about someone!

To round things up, there are countless ways in which the internet can help you conduct a quick and effective background check on someone. Not all players in the dating game are that bad, and not everyone is out to get you, but the reality is that there really are cyber stalkers and cons out there who would love the opportunity to take you for a ride. The golden rule however still remains: trust your gut instinct. If something or someone looks too good to be true, then sadly, it probably is and you should be heading in the opposite direction.

Alexandra is a member of the BackgroundHawk.com team, bringing you tips on how to date safely, and reviews of background checking services.

50 Shades of…Are You Kidding Me?! Part 2

My Facebook status is “feeling annoyed” and my head’s about to explode…What on God’s green earth is WRONG with people?! Remember people, God does NOT like ugly. I think everyone should adopt the Hippocratic Oath: Do no harm. Unfortunately, doing others harm seems to be a sport these days. How can we make it in the dating scene if we’re not only looking for sparks, compatibility, and non-homicidal tendencies but having to constantly wonder if the information we’re getting is the truth? Do we have to be detectives as well as being open to love’s possibilities? It’s kind of hard to be jaded and optimistic at the same time. Why can’t we just be better about how we treating others instead of showing how not every one deserves to be labeled as human. Why are we so bend on tearing each other down that we almost actively seem to look for such opportunities? Are we all just emotional anarchists?

Enjoy the Moment While It’s Here

Staff writer Frank Friedlander‘s post for this week gives us a solemn reminder to value the time we have with loved ones.

 

So there’s this guy I know, he’s probably about three years older than I. I refer to him as “this guy I know” because he’s somewhere between a friend and an acquaintance. We used to work together about three years ago, and I haven’t really seen him since. When we worked together, we got along well, went out to lunch a few times a week and what not. Like so many other people I haven’t spoken to in years, I have him as a friend on Facebook. When I knew him, he had one child about two years old at the time; and I know that they had a second one not too long after I left the place where we worked, which I also learned through Facebook.

We’d correspond via Facebook here and there, but then about a month ago, he started posting updates about his wife’s condition; but I wasn’t quite sure what it was, something liver related. About three weeks ago, it mentioned how she was awake, and doing better. The following week, she was not doing so well, and he was waiting for the doctors to give him the grim news. I believe that it was this past Friday in which he announced, again via Facebook that she had lost her battle with Leukemia, and he would soon announce the details of the upcoming memorial services. The page was full of response of the “I’m so sorry,” “be strong,” and “let me know if there’s anything I can do” variety. I didn’t post anything because, well, what can you say in such a situation? Of course if you’re a family member or close friend, that’s one thing, but a casual acquaintance, there’s really nothing to say. Well, there are a lot of things that could be said, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to do so. I guess it’s a guy thing.

I suppose that it just makes me wonder how long they had known of this information? Surely it couldn’t have been too long, because I know him, as well as mutual acquaintances well enough that I would have heard something. More importantly, knowing that the end is coming, how do you prepare yourselves? How do you prepare your children? Of course, there’s always the big question of why? Why do these things happen? Why will these two children, whose names I don’t even know grow up without a mother? Why won’t this woman be able to watch her children grow up? Some will answer this question with “it’s all a part of God’s plan,” but I don’t buy it. While I’m not hear to debate the afterlife and the supposed frivolity of our time here on earth, there’s something to be said for being able to grow old together and watch your children grow up.

To me, what it comes down to is that we should all take the time to appreciate what we have while we have it, because nothing is forever. We’ve all heard the old cliché “happily ever after,” but it’s really not the case. Either whether it’s Cinderella or Prince Charming, one of them are bound to pass away first, leaving the other with a shoebox, or these days, a hard drive full of memories. The best-case scenario is that the box or drive is as full as it can possibly be when the time comes to tearfully sift through it alone. I’m confident that most of the people who frequent this site are familiar with the film “The Notebook,” where *spoiler alert*,* the two main characters quietly and peacefully pass away together; but in reality, when a couple do pass away at the same time, it doesn’t tend to be quietly and peacefully.

I have never been good at distancing myself with other people’s grief, whether it’s a close friend or just something that I read in the headlines; but to me, the moral of the story is that we should all do our best to live in the moment. Enjoy each other. Appreciate each other. Everyone has their little quirks that annoy the hell out of their spouse, lover, or partner; but there will come a time that you sorely miss those little quirks, and you’d give anything to be annoyed by them just one more time. So just take a break from thinking about the bills, that difficult work week ahead of you, or the big game on TV to give the most important people in your life a big hug, and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. If anyone needs me, that’s how I’ll be spending the remainder of my week.

Basic Etiquette

This week’s post by staff writer Stephanie Becerra is brought to you by a few creepy/stalkerish incidents her best friend has recently undergone. Just in case anyone does not know this by now; here are a few etiquette details we hope might help someone out one day. Spread the word please and thank you:

 

1. Do NOT tell someone you’ve very recently met, that you’ve been “watching” them. Sounds funny, can also be creepy as hell when it’s true.
2. Do NOT keep talking to a stranger if they give you any kind of social cue to stop talking; not responding, turning away, walking away, saying stop, batting an eyelash in Morse code, ANYTHING.
3. Freaking NO means freaking NO.
4. If you and your friends outnumber a stranger and it’s past 8 PM, do NOT encircle that person because it can be intimidating.
5. Hollering from the passenger side of your best friend’s ride is only acceptable when you know the person you’re screaming at.
6. Do NOT follow a person you do not know. It is illegal and scary.

If you enjoyed this post, come check out the rest of the blog for other great posts and daily quotes! Subscribe to the blog to get updates whenever something new is posted. Get friendly with us on Facebook and follow us onTwitter and Pinterest!

What Happens When Social Media Meets Dating

With the ever-present involvement of social media in so many aspects of daily life, it’s definitely fair to remember that what we put out for public consumption is a reflection of what and how we are. Fair or not, most don’t see these things as part of a whole, but rather as the sum of the whole. Perspective on both sides can go a long way. So with that in mind, check out this article from No Strings Dating on the pros and cons of social media in the world of dating.

 

You don’t necessarily need to be signed up for an online dating site to meet someone online.  The number of couples who have met on Facebook and Twitter are rising, and no matter how you’ve met, these social media outlets are becoming some of our favorite ways to scope out or investigate potential dates from the comfort of our couches.  Online dating goes way beyond your online dating profile.

Before a date, I like to take note if we have any friends in common-and if so, which ones-and take my time judging their status updates.  Are they funny? Political? Or just really lame?  Do they use proper grammar? What do the rest of their photos really look like?  Are they flirting with everyone on their page?  All of these things give us the chance to see if we are in fact, a match.  Some might argue that one shouldn’t be judged based on what they tweet or the things they say on Facebook.  But in the world we live in, isn’t our digital persona almost a direct reflection of our “in real life” one?  It’s who we are, magnified and squeezed into 140 character blurbs.  And yes, your Facebook might be “yours”…but you’re putting it out there for the world to see, so in my opinion, it’s more than ok to judge.  It’s smart!

Of course, your opinion of their online behavior should only be part of the puzzle.  If a guy you’re dating is absolutely incredible in person but constantly updates his Facebook with annoying things, maybe it’s worth overlooking-or at least blocking his updates and just spending time together in person for now.

And on the flip side, consider the things you share online…someone just might be judging you.  Hey, it’s only fair!

No Strings Dating is a U.K. Adult online dating site and blog, where we share sex tips for casual daters.

Take a Break from Technology

Hi all, here’s the latest offering from staff writer, Stephanie Becerra about the importance of having healthy communication boundaries in relationships. For those of you who are maybe a little too connected to your significant other, this one is for you!

 

Social media, technology and the internet has completely redefined how relationships evolve. In the days of old when you wanted to reach your significant other, you would call their house phone and they would either pick up or not. Now if you want to reach someone, there are about ten avenues of communication you can try. We have become accessible 24/7 and it has changed the dynamics of relationships today.

 

Many people would view the evolving technological advances as a positive to our society as a whole but I disagree. All this instant communication has caused people to become paranoid and hyper-aware of their partner’s every move. I have had many a conversation with friends about, why isn’t he calling me back? I text him and I saw on Facebook that he’s just sitting at home. What’s going on? These multiple avenues of communication have made it virtually impossible to have a moment of peace and quiet. While constantly communicating with your significant other is nice, it is also healthy to have some time for yourself as well.

 

If you text, call or email your boyfriend/girlfriend and they don’t answer right away, don’t assume a zombie apocalypse has occurred and they were tragically one of the victims. And likewise, don’t spend all your time trying to constantly figure out where and what your partner is doing. Time apart to do the things that each of you enjoy is healthy.

 

So be healthy and put your phone down, don’t check Facebook every two seconds and take a time out from technology to just look up at the sky. You’ll see that it is wondrous and you’ll be more appreciative of your surroundings and in turn, more appreciative of your partner as well.

When To Put Up A Fight

This is a follow-up to the article our staff writer,Stephanie Beccera, wrote last week entitled “When To Throw In The Towel” of when to call off a relationship if it’s just not working out. In response to last week’s article, Stephanie was approached with different takes on the subject and one friend’s question stood out: what if instead of throwing in the towel, we try harder?

In the age of 30 second commercials and instant, accessible 24/7 communication, it’s clear to see why our attention spans have decreased significantly. Studies have even cited that instead of a seven-year itch within relationships and marriages, there are now more couples breaking up after three, and divorce rates have never been higher. With these grim statistics, it is a wonder that couples manage to stay together, let alone find each other in the first place.

When you first start dating someone, do small things to make each other smile, remember little details such as an affinity for a certain cupcake; and when your significant other is having a bad day, show up at their door step with this cupcake and all is right with the world.

This is normally the beginning stage of a relationship. This stage can last a year, sometimes even two. But it’s around the time when those first couple of years have passed that many couples start to notice a change. The thoughtful gestures have stopped, the dates have decreased and communication is lacking. You can sense a distance forming and feelings changing, but instead of calling it quits, what if you did something about it?

It can be difficult to form a deep connection with someone so when you find that person that understands and makes you happy, hold on to them. It’s common for us to get caught up in the craziness that is daily life and neglect our relationships. But if the person is worth it, do something and fight back.

We as a society have become too complacent and expect things to come effortlessly and to fix themselves. Despite the idealized mirage of what a relationship is, they actually take work and commitment and do not always come easy. If you feel something is broken in your relationship, fix it. If you feel like you don’t go out as often, plan a regular date night. If you feel a lack of communication, voice it. Remember the little things that made you fall in love in the first place because it won’t be the elaborate gifts or dates that will bring the magic back. It will be the cupcake out of the blue that will truly make you fall in love. You may find that instead of growing apart, you and your partner can grow together.

In daily life, people change. Circumstances change. People come and go, there is life and death. But if you have someone by your side who you think is worth fighting for, then do it. In the words of my dear friend, “Who knows? You might fall in love all over again.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear your comments on the article and even examples of when you have been faced with the decision of putting up a fight for your relationship or moving on.

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All the World’s a Stage and So Are Relationships

Does your relationship resemble a stage play? Do you feel as if your responses and actions are scripted according to someone else’s or even your mate’s thoughts and plans? This type of behavior is common in relationship and is even seen as normal. While some relationships can maintain a deference to one side or the other successfully, most cannot thrive under these circumstances and are doomed to fail in their constant plays for power. So why deal with conflict? Just give in to your mate and you don’t have anything to worry about. This is a common response and one not conducive to a healthy relationship. For a healthy relationship, both parties need to be more than physically present. There has a be a present connection mentally and emotionally as well. You can’t have a healthy relationship with a puppet. The thing I can’t stress enough is the need for open communication to ensure that both parties are on the same page; and if not, can they get on the same page. If not, then you need to move on. Try making relationships less of a performing act and more of a partnership in writing the story.

 

 

 

Follow on Twitter at intrnalsearch and friend me on Facebook at Kelleye Robinson.

Is Conversation A Lost Art?

In this age of Twitter, Facebook, and text messaging, are we socially handicapping ourselves with social media outlets? Today, we’ve become so used to 140-160 characters or less exchanges that full length conversations have gone to the wayside. In the dating world, it seems to be preferred to choose a venue in which chatting isn’t necessary or is even frowned on for first date choices. We’ve become so “instant-gratification” oriented that if we’re not impressed in the first few minutes of meeting, we move on. When did conversation become so overrated?

Many relationships and relationships that could have been come to a screeching halt due to confusion, miscommunication, and or no communication. Is it because we want the other person to be intuitive like our technology supposedly able to know what we are thinking without our having to complete the thought? We seem to want a prospective date that comes with a you-tube how-to video rather than take the time to take the other person for a test drive by getting to know them and seeing what happens. You can’t always judge a book by its cover or know everything you need to about another person in 5 minutes or less. Take the time to engage in conversation; you might be pleasantly surprised to see what you find out after the 160th character.