I’ll Be Okay…AFTER The Anger

When you go through a hard time, it’s not always easy to remember to think before you act. All you want is for the pain to just stop so you can be okay again.

Step one in getting to the “Okay Zone” is to breathe. The restorative quality of just simply focusing on your breathing and nothing else is highly underrated. The rate of our breathing is greatly tied to our emotional state. For example, when you’re angry, your adrenaline is up and your breathing becomes very fast and erratic nothing else matters other than why you’re upset. You don’t want to be calm; you don’t want to be rational. All you want is to feel some sort of recompense for what you’re going through. We can’t let ourselves be ruled entirely by emotion. We must allow ourselves time to reflect and to calm down.

When you’re upset, and hear someone tell you to calm down, you feel that person is against you and taking the side of the person(s) who wronged you. What is usually the case; however, is that that person is trying to reduce your pain and back down any thought racing through your head of hurting yourself or others. Let’s face it, your anger justified or not, only really hurts the person expressing it. You can only go forward. You can’t undo what’s already been done. You do have the choice of your solution. You can remain angry and go over that situation over and over in your mind until you live and breathe your pain in anger. In this instance, it will consume you and put you on the path of no return. Another choice would be to go to an objective party to talk your situation out. There is nothing like a new pair of eyes to look at a situation to maybe show you something that you missed or help you to be more objective about it. This way, you have a better chance at repairing the breach or getting some sort of relief from knowing you did everything you could and can move forward. The other solution is to just let go. You push the situation from your mind and move on. What’s done is done and there’s nothing else to do. There’s no examination period in which we explore motives and analyze actions. We just accept that it happened and go on with our lives. In a lot of cases, this last example choice would be the healthiest. It may seem as if it’s just a “quitter’s option”, but there’s a more positive way in seeing this. Instead of losing yourself in the other person or the situation, you’re focusing on yourself and your emotions and reactions.

You can’t change the other person or what happened, but you can control what you do and what will happen moving forward. You can look at your feelings and your reactions and figure out what’s best for YOU. One thing we lose sight of during emotional upheavals is that “I matter too”. It’s easy to let ourselves get lost along the way. The hard part is to keep at the forefront of our minds the truth that we matter, our feelings matter, our thoughts matter, and our existence is for more than just someone else’s amusement.

 

You Said It, But Did You Mean It?

Love is a multi-faceted and complex emotion, what may seem easy to some, may be a hard road for others. Some people believe in love at first sight and can say, “I love you” almost at the drop of a hat. Some need more than first sight to bring love, and others still need proof that love is actually there and not just lust or intense like.

Love has a way of changing our emotions and thought processes in such a way that when faced with an “I love you”, we’re tempted to either reciprocate whether or not we feel the same or we avoid giving a response that ties us to something serious before we want to or feel ready for. The bell (or rather the words “I love you”) once rung are hard to take back and makes it harder to still feel less pain if a break-up happens in the future.

The insincere or premature “I love you” is just a disaster waiting to happen. If you’re not ready for that step quite yet, then say so. Communication is key to healthy relationships and the lessening of regrets should a relationship fail for any reason. Say you care, show you care; but if you’re not feeling the “I love you”, then for God’s sake DON’T SAY IT! No one likes an “Indian giver”. Talk is cheap, but words still have a value. Say what you mean and mean what you say and don’t forget to calculate the cost for when the words are spoken. Because the person you end up saying it to could end up picking up the tab if you end up running out on the bill.

Unashamed

Our emotions are a large part of our beings. There’s no shame in showing our emotions. Here’s a poem I wrote about my own emotions about a man I loved very much. Maybe you can relate.

 

 

All the feelings bottled up inside

Cloud the mind, burn the soul

In the present, I’m in the arms of safety

In my alternate mind, I’m lost without a home

The future is certain, yet uncertain

I lay in misery, my thoughts in turmoil

Yet you hold me and tell me I’m okay

Here I am safe, here I am loved

The floodgates of all my pain and fears

Flow out in great gushing gulps

I try to build a dam in my mind

A reserve for my soul to cover up the pain again

But the steady stream has done its damage

A new path has opened, a new valley to lay claim to

I am now laid open for you who cares to see

For long have you sought and now have found.

I Just Want To Be Okay Again

Break-ups can be a very emotional thing. To cope, we usually do one or all of three things: we crumble, we get angry, or we shut down. Emotions can run high and fast. One thing that is best to remember is that we need to calm ourselves mentally and emotionally. We need to breathe.

      

When you go through a hard time, it’s not always easy to remember to think before you act. All you want is for the pain to just stop so you can be okay again. The first step in getting to the “Okay Zone” is to breathe. The restorative quality of just simply focusing on your breathing and nothing else is highly underrated. The rate of our breathing is greatly tied to our emotional state. For example, when you’re angry, your adrenaline is up and your breathing becomes very fast and erratic nothing else matters other than the fact that you’re upset. You don’t want to be calm; you don’t want to be rational. All you want is to feel some sort of compensation for what you’re going through. We can’t let ourselves be ruled entirely by emotion. We must allow ourselves time to reflect and to calm down. When you’re upset, and hear someone tell you to calm down, you feel that person is against you and taking the side of the person(s) who wronged you. What is usually the case; however, is that that person is trying to reduce your pain and back down any thought racing through your head of hurting yourself or others. Let’s face it, your anger justified or not, mostly hurts the person expressing it. You can only go forward. You can’t undo what’s already been done, only the effect. You do have the choice of your solution. You can remain angry and go over that situation over and over in your mind until you live and breathe your pain in anger. In this instance, it will consume you and put you on the path of no return.

Another choice would be to go to an objective party to talk your situation out. There is nothing like a new pair of eyes to look at a situation to maybe show you something that you missed or help you to be more objective about it. This way, you have a better chance at repairing the breach or getting some sort of relief from knowing you did everything you could and can move forward.

The other solution is to just let go. You push the situation from your mind and move on. What’s done is done and there’s nothing else to do. There’s no examination period in which we explore motives and analyze actions. We just accept that it happened and go on with our lives. In a lot of cases, this last example choice would be the healthiest. It may seem as if it’s just a “quitter’s option”, but there’s a more positive way in seeing this. Instead of losing yourself in the other person or the situation, you’re focusing on yourself and your emotions and reactions. You can’t change the other person or what happened, but you can control what you do and what will happen moving forward. You can look at your feelings and your reactions and figure out what’s best for YOU. One thing we lose sight of during emotional upheavals is that “I matter too”.  It’s easy to let ourselves get lost along the way. The hard part is to keep at the forefront of our minds the truth that we matter, our feelings matter, our thoughts matter, and our existence is for more than just someone else’s amusement.