Now You Can Touch

Staff writer Frank Friedlander discusses “married sex”.

 

Sex. Did that get your attention? It always does, and it should. In the case of marriage, sex is something that oft becomes forgotten, if not avoided. In other cases yet, it becomes a chore or a routine, something scheduled. I laughed my ass off watching Married With Children back in the day, but no marriage should mimic that of the Bundys.

 

“So are we going to have sex tonight” is a question that should never be asked. What’s worse is “are we going to have sex this week,” which can become are we going to have sex this month,” and so on, and so forth. If any variations of this question are asked in your household, you’re doing it wrong. The question is really no less ridiculous than asking, “So should we catch a cold?”.

 

Sex is something that should just happen, and certainly never be penciled into a calendar. It would be ideal to simply take your spouse, rip his or her shirt off, throw them to the bed, couch, or even table at a moments notice, and go to work. Caveman style, minus that whole clubbing them over the head and dragging them off by their hair part.

 

Sadly, this just isn’t possible in most homes. That type of thing tends to traumatized your children, if you have any. This isn’t to say that spontaneity should be cast away. Once the kids are in bed, or at gramma’s, anything goes; at least it should.

 

To go beyond that, Sex should be kept fun and interesting. Strive for something new. A new position is always a treat. Playing dress up is also something that adds a hell of a spark to even the dullest bedroom. If you can work props into the equation, even better.

 

Having sex on a regular basis is the ultimate tension breaker. There are problems that even a wild, sweaty, passionate night of anything goes lovemaking can’t fix. However, if you’re able to have enough wild, sweaty, passionate nights of lovemaking before a marriage reaches that point, you stand a better chance of not reaching said point to begin with.

 

I understand that there are many marriages in which one or both partners feel as though they are bored with one another from a sexual standpoint, which leads to it becoming dull or routine. Perhaps they should mix things up. It’s not what you do; it’s how you do it. Who knows white kind of deprave type of shit you can get your spouse to do that you never would have imagined.

 

In an ideal relationship, anything should go. You should be able to do whatever you want to one another, within reason. Good God, there are more things that two people can to one another sexually than imaginable.

 

The ultimate goal should be that no matter how many years a couple has been married, they shouldn’t be able look at one another without the urge to rip one another’s clothing off and go to town. So tonight, to hell with whatever you have planned. Guys:If the first thing that comes to mind tonight when you think of the word “fantasy” is football, you need help. Gals: you can DVR The Real Housewives of who Gives a Shit and watch it, how about never. When the kids are asleep, get primal, sans the whole clubbing them over the head, and dragging them off by their hair. Unless he or she is into that type of thing, and if so, nice work if you can get it.

 

 

 

I’m “The Other Woman”

This week’s post by staff writer Stephany Salinas covers the situation of being “the other woman”. Have you ever been the other woman?

 

A tale all too familiar.

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Boy has girlfriend.

Wait..WHAT?!

Oh yeah. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve heard of women falling for a guy who has a girlfriend/wife..or have even done so myself. *Guilty*

“But Stephany, he REALLY DOES like me, and he’s totally going to break up with her. He’s just trying to figure out HOW to break up with her. It takes time!”

Really? No. Getting your citizenship takes time. Building up your credit takes time. Breaking up with someone that you supposedly no longer have feelings for does NOT take time. Nothing good comes out of being “The Other Woman”. In fact, one of two things will happen:

1. Dude will leave his lady.

Fine, let’s say homeboy IS really thinking about breaking things off with the significant other. He breaks up with her, and then comes running to you, his “soul mate”. Now, at what point do you stop and let it sink in that this guy was CHEATING ON HIS GIRLFRIEND with you. And you, you’re probably sitting here thinking that you’re the “exception”. No, he would never cheat on you. Of course not. Why would he? He already left this poor girl for you. Who’s to say that he isn’t going to turn around and do the same EXACT thing to you? Would it really be so easy for you to trust someone that broke his last girlfriends trust..right in front of you? I can tell you right now from experience that no, not EVERYONE who has cheated is going to cheat again. However, most will. Why would you put yourself through that? Sounds like drunken arguments just waiting to happen -_-

2. Dude isn’t going anywhere.

I’ve been in this situation MULTIPLE times. Always the “better” option, but never good enough to leave their girlfriend for. Which, unlike a lot of people, I have a conscious, and stay away from scumbags likes that. I have only messed around/seen one guy who had a girlfriend, and that was more of a revenge thing. TOTALLY different story. Either way, I had plenty of opportunities to hook up/date guys who already had significant others. Plenty of chances to be the “secret”. They weren’t leaving their steady and safe girlfriends anytime soon, and I knew that.

Let me tell you something right now. You should NOT be a secret. If a man ever hides you, run. You’re beautiful, and you deserve to have a guy who is willing to be proud of the fact that he landed a hottie like yourself. There is no way you can ever justify a man that is hiding you or your title. A man will tell you whatever you want to hear in the heat of the moment. Remember that next time he tells you he loves YOU, and NOT his girlfriend. You know, that girl that’s plastered all over his Facebook page that he introduces all of his friends to.

 

Ladies, this is short and sweet, because it’s something that does NOT need to be discussed. For anyone who has seen “He’s Just Not That Into You“, Mary argues this “other woman” debate by saying, “What if you meet the love of your life, are you supposed to let them pass you by?”

I’m not saying throw him out of your life, but do you really want the potential drama of being the other woman on your plate? Or, would you rather be patient and find a guy who’s willing to be with you, and JUST you, because you’re woman enough for him.

I’m not saying every guy you date has to put you up on a pedestal, but he should be just as crazy about you as you are about him.

It’s only fair, right?

Exactly. Dump the cheating loser, and find yourself a real man.

 

Drought Season

When in the throes of a sexual dry spell or in what polite circles would call celibacy, it’s hard to know when attraction is more need and hormones than just mere visual interest. Sometimes, you’re caught skirting a thin line with those who would normally be under a ” look, don’t touch” mandate or someone you would completely discount normally if you weren’t in such dire straits. Just remember, once you open that door, you might not be able to look at the inside quite the same again.

Believe me, I can understand the emotional problems of a “dry season” and definitely the physical ones but choose carefully who might be filling your need next. You both need to be on the same page and even setup some serious ground rules. Believe me, taking the time to get in sync mentally saves awkwardness and angry resentment down the road.

I found this out personally with my “fling” between boyfriend 1 and boyfriend 2. We clearly stated what we were looking for at the very beginning and even developed a rapport before we started sleeping together; and as a result, our time together was supremely fulfilling. When it ran its course, we remained very close friends because of how we handled things in the beginning. I still think fondly of him five years later.

Straightshooting

It’s uncomfortable to tell the truth of what we really feel or think sometimes; and to get ourselves off the hook, we sugarcoat things or outright lie. I’ve had this happen to me countless times both professionally, personally, and romantically and it downright ticks me off to no end.  If you had it in you to put yourself in the line of fire to have to “lower the boom” on someone, then at least have the balls to be honest. No one likes a liar even if the person doing the lying claims to be doing it for our own good. If I’m on my way to the chopping block, I’d at least like to know why and not blindsided wondering what happened.

Do yourself and the world at large a favor, remember the childhood of “honesty is the best policy”. You should be as tactful as possible to take the sting out, don’t be a prick about it, and remember: karma’s a bitch and keeps a hit list; don’t get on it.

He Thinks You’re A Pain In The Ass

Staff writer Rigby Rat writes this week about the necessity of the right kind of communication and understanding and establishing boundaries.

Then why doesn’t he tell you?  Why is he telling me?

I had a guy come to the house to service my boiler.  I no sooner began telling him what the problem was, when his cell phone rang.  He said, “It’s my girlfriend.  She’s always calling and bothering me.  What a pain in the ass.  How about yours?”

How would you have answered?  I didn’t.  My personal life is none of his business.

Listen, if my guy were a pain in the ass, I wouldn’t be broadcasting it to the world, or commiserating with the boiler guy.  Instead, I would sit him down and clue him in.  “Babe, I love hearing from you during the day.  Let’s agree on exact times when we can talk.”  There, I just solved two problems: 1.  His calls come at times when they’re welcome and expected.  2.  He’s no longer a pain in the ass.

I wouldn’t commiserate with the boiler guy – or any guy for that matter.  Why?  I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong impression.  Meaning, just because you think we’re kind of in the same boat doesn’t mean I like you, or that we have some kind of connection.  Far from it.  If you’ve got a pain in the ass girlfriend and you’re complaining about her to me, if we become a couple, then it will only be a matter of time before you start bitching about me to the next woman who catches your eye.  No thanks!

Hey, boiler guy, if you took the time to apply yourself to learn how to fix boilers, you can take the time and apply yourself to learn how to fix what ails your relationship.

Who Needs A Label?

This week, staff writer Stephany Salinas discusses the topic of relationship labels. What are YOUR thoughts?

 

In the last few years, I’ve dated a lot. It’s to be expected from a girl who is in her early 20s. As I approach my mid-20s, I’ve noticed more and more how women, and some men, have become almost desperate to find their “soul-mate”. I’ve seen women date men for the sole purpose of having a boyfriend and being able to switch their relationship status on Facebook from “Single” to “In a Relationship”, and change their profile picture to one of them and their significant other.

 

I’ve been single for the last year, and the reason why is because I’ve become quite picky in men. Frankly, I don’t want to waste my time anymore. I don’t feel the NEED to be in a relationship just because I’m in my mid-20s. When people ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t get emotional and cry because I’m alone. I’m a 24-year-old woman living in the beautiful city of Chicago, with a steady job, making good money, surrounded by awesome friends. There is nothing to be sad about. Do I like having a boyfriend? Absolutely, it’s always nice to have someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Do I feel like I NEED to have one in order to fit in? Not at all. In fact, for a short time, I was very back and forth about the whole “title” thing. I’ve seen a guy, and I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, who has treated me better than my official “boyfriends” have.

 

In time, I became okay with not having the title. I mean, as long as we’re exclusive, who needs a title, right? However, recently I’ve been thinking about this more. Something felt like it was missing. And I know what it is. That damn title. (And no, not the Facebook relationship status change. I’m honestly not too crazy about telling the world who I’m dating, especially when that changes often.)

 

So, why do we care about titles and labels? Why is it that we want so badly for someone to make us their girlfriend or boyfriend? After reading “He’s Just Not That Into You”, I realized exactly why. As Greg puts it, “A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself. Why wouldn’t he?”

 

And he’s right! >.<

 

If you want something bad enough, you go after it. This applies to all aspects of your life. If you want a certain job, luxuries, or goals, you set out and make it happen. So, wouldn’t the same apply for a relationship?

 

If you spend your time with one person, and you’re into them, and you wouldn’t want anyone else to touch them, what’s stopping you from making them “yours”? When you like someone, you ask him or her out. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. People can sit here and say they don’t believe in “labels”, but it’s all a pile of crap (in my opinion). A pile of crap that has been told by some dude who says that he doesn’t believe in labels, and then ends up dating some skanky half-witted girl who works at a scummy bar in place of a career, or wifes the next random girl he meets at the gym.

 

And some of us, myself included, sit here and try to act like it’s okay. We don’t “need” the title, I’m totally okay with us being unofficial. But, are we really? Are we really okay with the fact that Mr. I-Don’t-Want-A-Girlfriend is pretty much saying “I don’t want to be tied down…with you”? Because that’s exactly what that means.

 

Pay attention, because this one goes out to all the women out there. You are all beautiful. We are all beautiful. Yes, we’re a bit nuts at times. We’re emotional, we think with our hearts, and we overanalyze everything. But we also are programmed to love, nurse, and care. We give birth, for Christ’s sake. Every woman is beautiful in her own way, no matter how big, small, short, or tall. And every beautiful woman deserves a significant other who is PROUD to call her their own. Every woman deserves to have someone who isn’t comparing their relationship to others, saying “We have it better even without the title”. No. You two should be so happy with each other, that you don’t have time to compare your relationship to others.

 

So the next time you’re in a “relationship” and you have to question whether or not it’s going anywhere, ask yourself if you want it to. If you don’t care where it goes or if it escalades, then hell, keep on keeping on. But if you’re unhappy, even slightly, with the situation, communicate that to him/her. STAY AWAY from the ultimatum (read from my post last Thursday!). Ultimatums are never a good idea. Just communicate.

 

And if they have something else in mind, and are unwilling to make you theirs, move on honey. Move on, because somewhere out there, there is someone who is DYING to show you how special you are.

 

You Said It, But Did You Mean It?

Love is a multi-faceted and complex emotion, what may seem easy to some, may be a hard road for others. Some people believe in love at first sight and can say, “I love you” almost at the drop of a hat. Some need more than first sight to bring love, and others still need proof that love is actually there and not just lust or intense like.

Love has a way of changing our emotions and thought processes in such a way that when faced with an “I love you”, we’re tempted to either reciprocate whether or not we feel the same or we avoid giving a response that ties us to something serious before we want to or feel ready for. The bell (or rather the words “I love you”) once rung are hard to take back and makes it harder to still feel less pain if a break-up happens in the future.

The insincere or premature “I love you” is just a disaster waiting to happen. If you’re not ready for that step quite yet, then say so. Communication is key to healthy relationships and the lessening of regrets should a relationship fail for any reason. Say you care, show you care; but if you’re not feeling the “I love you”, then for God’s sake DON’T SAY IT! No one likes an “Indian giver”. Talk is cheap, but words still have a value. Say what you mean and mean what you say and don’t forget to calculate the cost for when the words are spoken. Because the person you end up saying it to could end up picking up the tab if you end up running out on the bill.

The Ultimatum

Staff writer Stephany Salinas covers the topic of ultimatums in relationships. Have you experienced a relationship ultimatum either giving or receiving one? 

 

As a girl, my patience in relationships has been tested in almost every single form. Whether it’s waiting for the guy to make the first move, waiting for him to make it official, or waiting on him to follow through with one of the 93473 promises he has made. I’ll admit, I’ve been a fool before and have stuck around when I shouldn’t have, and although back then I would have considered it a waste of time, I know now that none of it was. When you wait for someone and are willing to be patient and stick it out, it’s a sign that you genuinely care about him (not to say that giving up means you don’t care). There has been a few times where I have left someone behind, not for lack of interest on my part, but for lack of effort on his.

That being said, I’ve heard girls constantly talk about “ultimatums”. As in, “He needs to decide what he wants now or I’m out!”

Granted, at first, I understood where these girls were coming from. Hell, I was there a few years ago. The guy I had been dating for almost a year was at a point where he was unsure of what he wanted. So, I did what these girls were talking about and gave him an ultimatum. You either love me and want to be with me, or you don’t. I put him on the spot, and when he took too long to answer, I told him we were done. Granted, I was 18 and there’s a very good chance this wasn’t the guy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, I will admit that it wasn’t the best way to go about things. I cared about him a lot. He was my first love, and I threw that away because he took a few seconds too long to answer my question. It was mainly out of anger and annoyance that I put him in that position in the first place. But the fact that I was able to so quickly throw that ultimatum out there made me question myself:

If I “loved” him so much, why would I risk throwing our relationship away?

When you’re a girl who is pursued often (and honestly..most girls are often pursued), it’s sometimes easy to want to call it quits on the guy who isn’t making a move or putting forth effort and go on to the next. However, that mentality is also a sign that you’re most likely not into this guy in the first place. If it’s that easy to give someone an ultimatum, that goes to show that you’re not as into him as you think you are. If you were, would you be willing to risk what you do have?

Trust me, if you’ve been seeing a guy for a while, and he shows no intentions of making it official, there’s a very good chance it’s not going to happen. A light bulb isn’t going to suddenly go off in his head, and he’s not going to all of a sudden realize he needs you to be his girlfriend. Here is when you decide whether you’re okay with that, or not. If not, then move on sweetheart. No ultimatum is needed. A man would move mountains to be with the girl he actually wants to be with. If he wants you to be his, he will make sure that happens. By giving a guy an ultimatum, you are A) forcing him into breaking it off with you (no one really wins), or B) forcing him into a relationship with you.

Honestly, would you really want to be in a relationship with a guy who you basically ordered to ask you out? I would hope not, because that’s already a rocky start to a relationship.

Ask yourself this: Do you want to be in a relationship with this guy, or do you want to be in A relationship…period? If it’s the latter, that’s the reason it’s so easy for you to give him an ultimatum. You’re chasing a relationship, a title, and whether or not it’s with this guy isn’t really that important to you. NOW, if you genuinely want to be in a relationship with HIM, then why are you in such a hurry for him to make a decision? Are you unhappy with the way things are going right now? Is the title the only thing that would change if he was indeed your “boyfriend”? Is it the title that you’re actually going after?

This is something I’ve been back and forth about myself. As much as I want to have the whole, “titles shouldn’t matter” attitude, I’m only a woman. Having that title means a guy wants you to be his, and is proud to have you as his, and that’s what most women want. I’ve been tempted myself to give men ultimatums and make them choose whether or not they want to be with me. It’s easy to fall into that type of mentality. HOWEVER, the reason I haven’t done it since age 18 is because I’m never willing to throw away what I do have with someone. I’m telling you right now that pressuring him into making a sudden decision is NOT the way to go about it. Personally, and this is just my preference, I would rather be with someone unofficially that I genuinely enjoy being around, than having a title with someone I don’t care about as much. As much as being someone’s girlfriend is great, I’ve been in some pretty terrible relationships where the “boyfriend” title has meant absolutely nothing. I’ve also been in “non-official relationships” that have been better than the “official” ones. The dating world is completely different nowadays. If the “title” was taken off the table completely, I bet more people would know exactly what they wanted, and whom they wanted.

That being said, instead of telling that guy you’ve been seeing that he needs to choose now or leave you alone, you should express what’s on your mind. Honesty and communication, darling. I can’t stress that enough. When and if you’ve reached the point where you think what you have is a waste of time and would like to have a chance to be with someone who would like to be official with you (and it’s not wrong of you to think that way. You deserve to be with someone who wants to call you his or hers), then communicate that to him. Tell him that you don’t feel like he’s as into it, and that you’re looking for more. A couple things will happen at this point. 1) He’ll realize you want more. He may have been waiting for you to say something this whole time. 2) He’ll know he can’t give you what you want, and will be relieved that you aren’t making him out to be an ass for not wanting to be in a relationship. This isn’t an ultimatum; this is you giving him a chance to think about what he wants without putting pressure on him.

 

At this point, if you’re still convinced you NEED to give him an ultimatum, consider this question before you do: Are you willing to risk throwing away whatever you do have just for a title change?

 

Man: The Literal-Minded Creature

Staff writer Stephany Salinas‘s  post of the week focuses on the necessity of being literal and highlights this through the bad habit of assumption. Men, we understand your annoyance. Women, pay attention and this could make dating and relationships a lot smoother for you.

 

The other day, I came across a quote that inspired the topic of men being literal minded:

“Sometimes I wish I could find a guy who would know I’m not okay, even when I say I am”.

*Cue facepalm -_-

This is probably the number one thing I’ve heard men complain about when it comes to their girlfriends. What she isn’t saying. Many times, a girl will use the “I’m fine” phrase, even though she’s fuming on the inside. Why do we do this? Why do girls feel the need to cover up problems that are obviously bothering them?

At this point, if you’re a female, you’re thinking one of two things; 1. Girls are so dumb; I see that happen all the time, or 2. Hey, I do that!

If you’re thinking the latter, it’s okay; I’ve been guilty of this as well. Women have this tendency to want to be figured out. It might have to do with the fact that we are so analytical ourselves that we assume everyone is the same way. Our girlfriends happen to always pick up when we’re sad or upset, so why can’t men?

Wrong. So, SO, wrong.

Honey, if men had the same mindset as women, the entire dating world would most likely be non-existent. The simple and literal mindset that men naturally have is actually a gift, believe it or not. It balances out the crazy that women are born with. And don’t say it’s not true, because every girl has had her “crazy” moment. Sometimes, most of the time, you have to think like a man to understand him.

“Men aren’t really complicated, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they’ve said – when really it’s obvious. If I were you, I’d take him literally. That might help.” -E.L. James

Literal creatures. Literal- being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical.

Some women may jump to the conclusion of thinking that this is another phrase for “dumb”. Men are “dumb”. Sometimes, yes, they can be. Most of the time, no. Actually, men are logical. Think about it. We sit here saying, “No, it’s fine. Everything is fine”, and then expect our significant other to just have a hunch that no, actually, everything is not fine, even though we just said it was. What the hell kind of sense does that make? Who looks dumb now? That’s right, we do.

Now, I understand that when something is bothering you, there are times where you just don’t want to discuss it at the moment. So instead of saying anything, you shrug it off…for now. Until something else happens that triggers that emotion again, and an event that happened days, weeks, even months ago suddenly becomes relevant and most likely takes part in an argument. For example (I say this because I’ve literally witnessed this happen in front of my own eyes), you and your boyfriend are watching TV, and he mentions that he finds the lead actress in the show to be attractive. At the moment, it bothers you, but you let it slide. Then, at a later time, he says something else that bothers you, or you two happen to be in an argument. Then what happens? “Well maybe you should date (insert attractive actress’s name here) instead! You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You may be laughing now, but I’ve seen this happen, and it’s extremely scary how crazy girls can be. If it bothers you when your significant other makes comments like that, TELL HIM. Otherwise, he thinks what he’s doing is okay with you. OH, and don’t get me started on the drunk girls who suddenly have the guts to tell their boyfriend about everything that bothers them. That’s probably the worst/scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Now that you have a better understanding of how crazy a girl’s mindset can be, I want you to imagine being honest. Practice it, and embrace it. Mark Twain said it best, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything”. It’s quite a beautiful concept, and I know from first hand experience that it makes any and every relationship SO much easier. If your boyfriend spending 3 hours a night playing video games bothers you, tell him. Don’t sit there and let him think that you’re the “cool” girlfriend who is totally okay with it. If you’re not, talk about it. Who knows, maybe he has a legitimate reason. Maybe it relaxes him. Or maybe he’s unaware that you miss him and want to spend time with him. Perhaps he doesn’t know that him choosing Xbox over you makes you feel inadequate. You can’t blame him for this, unless you’ve already made it clear to him. After that, there’s no excuse, right?

If your significant other is a huge flirt, and it bothers you, tell him. Maybe it’s his flirting that bothers you, or maybe you just need reassurance that you’re the one he’s going home with, so you shouldn’t worry. Either way, talk to him. Communicate, because failure to communicate is one of the biggest perpetrators of failed relationships. If it bothers you that he hasn’t taken you out on a date in a long time, tell him that. If it doesn’t change, then that goes to show that he really doesn’t care. But if you don’t give him the opportunity to fix things, they will remain unchanged, and you will continue to be unhappy.

For the love of God, ladies, SAY SOMETHING. Don’t sit there and expect a man to know what you are thinking. Talk to him, and I guarantee you’re relationship will be a hundred times easier, and he will GREATLY appreciate it. And if you can’t be honest with your man, why are you even in a relationship?

 

On Griping

Staff writer Rachel Brownjohn‘s post for this week focuses on the effect that griping can have on how we and those we gripe to view others.

They say the fastest way to make a friend is to have a common enemy (Right? Don’t they say that?). A mutual distaste for onions can be a head start on the road to easy conversation. But can griping go too far? Can we be transitioning into negativity all too often to see the good things right in front of us?

 

Particularly in relationships, why are we always so quick to talk about the negative? We get together and gripe. And it’s kind of…gross. Let’s stop that.

 

When I was 19 I dated a pretty crummy guy – but he wasn’t truly awful all the time. I used to talk to my Mom everyday on the phone and gripe about all the silly, ‘dumb boy stuff’, he would do – in fact, it became the only thing I talked to her about. And when I learned that she wasn’t crazy about him, I was shocked, “What do you mean you don’t LOVE this guy whose negative traits I’ve been discussing exclusively for the past 8 months!” I marveled. Obviously she wouldn’t like him, he sounded like a real jerk. That thinking was so backward! I want my friends and family to love the people I love! So why wouldn’t I focus on the wonderful? And if there was legitimately nothing wonderful to focus on, why didn’t I break up with him sooner?

 

Is it society? I know it can get a bit cringe worthy to talk about too much lovey –dovey stuff. It can feel like you’re showing off, bragging. But shouldn’t we be our significant other’s fans? Shouldn’t we be on their side? When all we do is gripe, it starts to feel like they’re the opposition. Shouldn’t we be playing for the same team? I’ve read at least three articles in Cosmo about how saying good things about your partner improves your relationship (And I’m sorry I couldn’t find them on Google, trust me, they exist). The more I think about it, the more it must be true! The things we talk about are the things we dwell on – and if we focus our energy on the positive we’re more likely to be thinking about positive things!  And then we’ll all just be so happy and wonderful! (Do you want to gag yet, I know…but really!) There are like a frillion books written on the power of positive thinking, naturally, this thinking should be a part of our relationships too– when we are willing to think good things about our partners, we are bound to feel good things about them, and in turn have good relationships.

 

And when it comes to our friendships – shouldn’t we be rejoicing in each other’s happiness? Like with my mom, when I only hear negative things about friends’ relationships, I put my protective pants on and start to wonder if that significant other really is good enough for them. How could we not be wondering if that’s all we hear?  And if that’s really the case, all that grumbling is really just something to talk about. And not even a good thing! Something to talk about that makes the person we’re talking with experience negative emotions about the person we love.

 

Why do we keep doing this? And if we really have so many complaints, why are we involved with such a gripe-inducing person? Let’s make a deal and start focusing on the good. And not cringe when relationships are oh so good. Of course, venting is necessary sometimes. Or sometimes we need to lean on each other to understand a situation. But those other times, those times when we are griping just to gripe…yuck! Let’s not do that anymore. Deal?  Deal.  Come on, get happy!