When we choose to overlook our own problems to help others, we light the way to solutions built in community.
Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m guilty of the angry break-up text, angry post break-up phone call, AND the angry post break-up emails. In my defense, I thought they were good ideas at the time. Okay fine, not so great ideas; but at risk of being seen as that “crazy B” after break-ups, I do feel a couple of those past instances were absolutely necessary. The post break-up communications are usually horrible ideas fueled by rage and the righteous indignation of “how dare you?!” that makes the recipients angry and the “scorned” a raving crazed lunatic.
I know that sometimes it’s hard to just quietly or rather separately process our anger over a break-up, but let’s think of it this way: Do you want to be scorned now and over it sooner by sucking it up moving forward or would you rather spread your rage all over the dumper not to resolve anything but to give them a real reason to have dumped you? That “who’s the bitch now?” doesn’t have quite the great comeback bit it did in our heads now does it…
The world of online dating is fraught with humor, annoyance, pain, and a huge need of being able to read between the lines. Most of us at one time or another have either signed up on an online dating site or at least considered it (until we’ve heard about the casualties). Staff writer Rachel Brownjohn’s latest weekly post goes more into detail about online dating with a little bit of her own experience. Let us know! Are you an online dating skeptic, casualty, or success story?
So you know how I’ve alluded to my online dating before? Let’s get serious and talk about this. I have a problem with online dating. Not like a problem problem, one that would require anonymous support, I just don’t love it. But after reading a very well explained post by fellow staff writer, Frank Friedlander, I did some pondering, maybe online dating is not the deepest darkest thing to do. I’ll come clean.
I have an OkCupid, y’all. Ugh. I hate myself for telling you this/ having one. But it’s so hard to meet people in the real world after college! Don’t you think? I spend a lot of time hanging out with my pre-established friend group and it’s tough to expand my grown up social circle. So I’ve cracked. And moved this party online. I’m officially on my 5th round of OkCupid. I have a tendency to go on like three dates, start dating the third person more consistently, and delete my profile with the reasoning that, “Even if this doesn’t work out, I’ll meet someone else the good old-fashioned way!”. Lies. These are lies I tell myself. Unfortunately, if you completely delete your account, you have to start over from scratch. And I always delete, it’s those lies I keep telling, they get me every time.
So I’m back online again, sigh. But I have a confession, filling out an online profile is one of my all time favorite activities. Specifically, a silly profile (because no one is super-duper serious on a free online dating site, you know? ) I tried to fill out a Match.com profile once and it was nowhere near as exciting, trust me. I didn’t feel like I was grown up enough yet to explain myself the way they wanted me to. Maybe one day. But on OkCupid I get to go crazy. Body type? Jacked. That’s right online daters, I know you can see from my pictures I’m regular looking but under these sundresses I’m like John Cena. Activities? Spinning in office chairs. This is actually true, but isn’t it silly to get to put that online?! Because if I’m being honest, I just really think all of dating is a bit silly. It’s one of the most important things to me (finding love! Woo hoo!), but silly. I think we all have to have a pretty serious sense of humor to show up for dates with strangers, or get to know each other, or go on any adventures.
I wonder sometimes if maybe I should grow up online, stop being so silly, and really commit. But what’s love good for if it can’t make us feel like little kids again? Carefree and full of life. That’s all I really want, so for now, silly I shall remain.
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As I promised, here is part two of my “Seven Deadly Sins” series. In this post, I cover the deadly sins: pride and lust. What are your thoughts? Comments always welcome.
Pride– Pride in your mate or relationship is a good thing. Pride in yourself and accomplishments is also good; but when you use this as a measuring stick to whack your mate with to makes them feel inferior, then you’ve crossed the line into being too proud. Confidence and even a certain amount of arrogance can be healthy in a person; but when you use what accomplishments and assets you have to put yourself in a control position then you might want to take a look at yourself and at the relationship you have. If what you need to feel good is a dominant/submissive relationship, find someone who wants the other side of that. Don’t drag down your mate promising one thing but giving another. Be what you are but at least be fair.
Lust– Most of us have people other than our mates that we find attractive and even allow ourselves a slight fantasy involving these “crushes”. The problem is when that fascination turns into an affair. There have been arguments on both sides about emotional cheating and physical cheating. Some feel that even the mere fantasy about someone other than your mate is a break in trust. Most agree that sex and sexual activities with someone other than your mate is definitely a break in trust and is an affront to the relationship. While I do feel that emotional cheating is subjective, physical cheating is absolutely a break in trust and a serious wake-up call as to the real status of the relationship. It is very easy to be in the camp of “once a cheater, always a cheater”, but sometimes there’s also an argument for going to counseling to see if the relationship is salvageable. There’s a reason for everything even the things that hurt the most.
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