Quote of Day

Complaints  are not an acceptable way of making it through life.  If you’re moved to raise your voice for a cause, let it be for the right reason and be ready to follow through. You can’t expect change to happen if you’re not willing to light the torch and carry it to the end.

Quote of the Day

If you choose to wield your brush on the world, paint the world with understanding. If you choose to wield your pen on the world, write words of encouragement. If you choose to wield your needle on the world, sew together the thread of unity. One person can effect a change far larger than we know, so make it a positive one.

Letting Go

This week staff writer Stephany Salinas discusses “letting go” in relationships. Do you agree, disagree? What’s your story?

 

The other day, I read in a men’s book that I have a “Mother Goose” personality type. I am a natural nurturer and am always doing things to please others. The type of men I typically go for are “project” men, or bad boys. There was a lot more to it, and reading the entire section was brutal. It wasn’t disturbing in the sense that it was right, it was more so disturbing how it made me sound as a person. While reading, I consciously agreed with nearly every sentence. After I was done, I noticed how weak and conforming it made me sound. So I thought about it, and how right it was, and decided that this week’s entry was going to be about letting go.

 

Deciding whether or not to stay with someone can be one of the hardest things to do in life. It’s very easy to get caught up in a relationship, or whatever it is you’re in, and blind yourself to the unfair way you are being treated. The decision to let go of someone boils down to two things: Change (or lack thereof) and uncertainty.

 

Change:

 

One of the most common problems in relationships is one person trying to change the other. I’ve had men try to change me, and I’ve also been guilty of trying to change a man. You can’t. Not only can’t you, you shouldn’t. If someone wants to change, it’s something they must do on their own. You can’t pressure them into it. You can’t help speed up the process. It’s something they must do on their own time, at their own pace. You mustn’t give them an ultimatum, because that will only confuse them even more. If they think you’re worth the change, it’ll happen, but never assume that they’re going to.

 

Change is a tricky thing, and something that we all go through. It’s nothing to be upset about. That’s life. However, walking away or taking a step back from someone who is going through change doesn’t mean that you don’t care. It simply means you are strong enough and willing to put your wants and desires aside, and let them figure out what they need to do. It’s one of the hardest, most selfless things you can do.

 

Having the courage to let go of something you cannot change is something few women are strong enough to do.

 

 

Uncertainty:

 

This is the part where you decide what it is you want in a significant other/relationship. Once you decide on that, you need to find out if the person you are with can give you that. And if more isn’t what this person can give you at the moment, you need to make a tough, executive decision. You can stick it out and hope for the best, risking heartbreak and potential disappointment. Or, you can walk away. And when I say walk away, I don’t mean drop them out of your lives completely (although, in some cases it may be healthier). Sometimes, these people are genuinely lost and just need someone to be there. Not in a sense of a significant other, but a companion nonetheless. If you still care, make sure to offer your words, advice, and a shoulder to cry on, for one day it might be you who is going through change.

 

And if you want to stick around…

 

There is no shame in that. Sometimes these things just feel right. Sometimes, you need to make the mistake before you learn. Be careful. Like Gotye says, “You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness.”

 

Letting go is never easy.

 

It’s easy is falling into the routine of being the caretaker. It comes with compassion and empathy, which can be blessings and curses.

 

Don’t get taken advantage of, because at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself.

 

When To Put Up A Fight

This is a follow-up to the article our staff writer,Stephanie Beccera, wrote last week entitled “When To Throw In The Towel” of when to call off a relationship if it’s just not working out. In response to last week’s article, Stephanie was approached with different takes on the subject and one friend’s question stood out: what if instead of throwing in the towel, we try harder?

In the age of 30 second commercials and instant, accessible 24/7 communication, it’s clear to see why our attention spans have decreased significantly. Studies have even cited that instead of a seven-year itch within relationships and marriages, there are now more couples breaking up after three, and divorce rates have never been higher. With these grim statistics, it is a wonder that couples manage to stay together, let alone find each other in the first place.

When you first start dating someone, do small things to make each other smile, remember little details such as an affinity for a certain cupcake; and when your significant other is having a bad day, show up at their door step with this cupcake and all is right with the world.

This is normally the beginning stage of a relationship. This stage can last a year, sometimes even two. But it’s around the time when those first couple of years have passed that many couples start to notice a change. The thoughtful gestures have stopped, the dates have decreased and communication is lacking. You can sense a distance forming and feelings changing, but instead of calling it quits, what if you did something about it?

It can be difficult to form a deep connection with someone so when you find that person that understands and makes you happy, hold on to them. It’s common for us to get caught up in the craziness that is daily life and neglect our relationships. But if the person is worth it, do something and fight back.

We as a society have become too complacent and expect things to come effortlessly and to fix themselves. Despite the idealized mirage of what a relationship is, they actually take work and commitment and do not always come easy. If you feel something is broken in your relationship, fix it. If you feel like you don’t go out as often, plan a regular date night. If you feel a lack of communication, voice it. Remember the little things that made you fall in love in the first place because it won’t be the elaborate gifts or dates that will bring the magic back. It will be the cupcake out of the blue that will truly make you fall in love. You may find that instead of growing apart, you and your partner can grow together.

In daily life, people change. Circumstances change. People come and go, there is life and death. But if you have someone by your side who you think is worth fighting for, then do it. In the words of my dear friend, “Who knows? You might fall in love all over again.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear your comments on the article and even examples of when you have been faced with the decision of putting up a fight for your relationship or moving on.

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