Oops I did it again…no, not referring to my mini Britney Spears karaoke moment right there but my own situation with just this problem. I had a posting online looking for a movie friend, nothing more nothing less. Enter email response from interesting and seemingly interested visitor from out-of-town male. He was interested until he really paid attention to the signature line of my emails. In my signature line, I identify myself as a relationship blogger and have a link to my site. Once noticed, the guy changes his interest and decides to move on. Does the guy have a right to change his mind? Yes. Am I annoyed that what changed his mind was the reality of my relationship blog? Again, yes and let me tell you why. Yes I have a relationship blog, but I don’t actively talk about it and have it be my main focus of conversation. If it comes up, I’ll talk about it and move on to other things about myself and bring the conversation to information about my companion. Do I use my own life and experiences as subject matter? All the time. As a person who has set herself up to give advice, I can really only offer my own point of view on things mostly based on my observations and my experiences. Are these views wrong? No, they’re not for everyone. Everyone has their own opinions and right to express them. Sometimes they mesh with someone else’s views, more times than not, they differ. Am I disappointed that my interests turned this guy off? Sure, but the practical side of me realizes that there are plenty of available fish in the sea and I just have to continue being patient until I land the big one. Happy weekend and happy fishing everyone!
This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the proper way to leave a relationship.
The best way to end a relationship is amicably. Meaning, don’t do it during an argument, or if you are emotionally overwrought. Also, make sure you’re breaking up not because of an emotional knee-jerk reaction, but because you have fallen out of love and can’t reconcile your differences.
If you’re one hundred percent certain it’s over, then let her down gently, honestly, and succinctly. Discuss only YOUR feelings. “I’m hurt because you cheated on me. The best thing for me to do is to move on, move out, and start my healing process. I’ll be moving my things out tomorrow.” No need to discuss or harp on any other past issues. If her cheating on you is the straw that broke the camel’s back, then that is the issue you make her aware of by briefly stating your feelings and your intentions. If her response is to turn the tables, she might say: “What about you? You’re never home.” DO NOT fall for this type of verbal volley, or engage in it. Instead, pay the check and leave. (If you drive to the restaurant, make sure you take two cars!)
Another way a relationship ends amicably is when the wrongdoer owns up to her indiscretion and allows the other person to move on. My friend Kat did just that. She and her boyfriend, Kevin, had a very civil conversation over dinner at a local restaurant. Kat offered Kevin his space to heal. He declined, saying it was over. Although devastated, Kat respected Kevin’s decision. He helped her move out, then cut off all contact with her. Kat and Kevin’s mother, however, remained friends and kept in touch. Kevin immediately fell into another relationship that lasted two years. One day, Kevin and Kat bumped into one another at Kevin’s mother’s house. (Kat was visiting with her infant daughter.) Kevin told Kat that if he had to do it all over again, he would never have broken up with her. How unfortunate for Kevin that he didn’t take Kat’s suggestion that they take a break from one another so that Kevin could heal. Live and learn, guys!
So, how do you end a relationship? With finesse. And if you truly don’t have the skills to handle such a delicate situation, DO NOT take this personal dilemma to your guy friends for advice, or help. Instead, contact a relationship counselor for the tools to make the parting of the ways less traumatic for her, and you. You’ll be glad you did.
One commonality among men and women is the need to be right. This is a need in day-to-day life arguments and even more so in romantic relationships. We may start out in a genuine argument with (at least in own minds) just cause only for one or both sides beating the subject to death and forgetting exactly what the fight was about it the first place. It then becomes less about resolution and more about winning. When Pat Banatar said love was a battlefield, she was giving us valuable advice about how relationships can be just as moody as the sea. You shore yourself up against the waves or get swept away. Sometimes, a way in keeping your head above water is letting someone else draw you to shore and letting them decide which way to go. Sometimes, it’s easier to float on than fight.
I know speaking for myself I can be a very argumentative person when I feel like I’m getting steamrolled. I keep going and going until either I get my “opponent” to work with me towards a happy medium or until I verbally beat them into submission and get bragging rights to being “right”. In the moment, it doesn’t matter at all that both sides are still unhappy because in my mind being right is the equivalent and it enough, sometimes even everything. There’s just something about hearing someone say the words: “you’re right” that makes things so sweet during a fight that can make you feel downright warm towards the other side and willing to end the fight. It’s only after the smoke clears that we realize that nothing has really changed and the only victory is a hollow one.
I will admit that everyone deserves a win every once in a while. But I wonder, in the landscape of relationships is it better to be right or happy?