This is a question that an alarming majority of us neglect to consider and really think about when making a move towards being in a relationship. We fail to really comprehend that before we can truly love others, we must first love and know ourselves. If we love ourselves, we know what love feels like and are more aware of what we need from those who we want to love and love us in return. Part of that is the convoluted belief that a “love mate” is supposed to complete us or provide something we’re missing. That’s a heavy load to put on anyone. If you can’t make yourself happy, how in the world can you expect someone who will always know you less than you know yourself to get you to a place that you yourself haven’t been able to attain. This is lazy, foolish and irresponsible. If you want happily ever after, then you have to put in the work. Love is a feeling that’s usually in the human rolodex of emotion; but to keep it, to make it something that’s so much a part of you that it’s something that’s a non-debatable daily practice, is something that is very much like losing weight. You take an objective look at where you are presently, decide what your end goal is, make a realistic plan to achieve that end goal, and get to work towards that goal. Now while yes, I put this in an almost simplistic 4 step plan; the planning isn’t usually the hard part, it’s what you have to do to get to your final goal. It’s not easy; but then again, nothing worth having ever is.
In the end, the questions we need to be able to honestly answer to ourselves are these: do I feel I am worthy of a full, healthy, honest love? Am I healthy enough and strong enough in myself to actively be in a relationship with someone else while I balance my relationship with myself? And do I want to be with someone for the RIGHT reasons? This last question is the kicker. We usually feel we ultimately seek a relationship because we’re ready to share ourselves with someone to explore ourselves further while learning the other person. But sadly, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, we just want or need someone to validate us a person worthy of being noticed and desired by others. Sometimes yet, we want or need someone to make us feel good be that sexually, mentally, or emotionally. And other times, we just don’t want to be alone.
In closing, the best advice I can offer you in the quest of happy ever after is above all else, choose what will keep you healthy and whole for the long term. Do the hard analysis and figure out if what you want or what you may have is beneficial for both sides in the long run. It may be painful in the short term if you find your answer is “no” and you should cut your losses now, but a little pain now could save you a boatload of pain in the future.