The Silent Brush-off: Kind or Cowardly?

The silent brush-off, a occurrance while not being something that happens to EVERYONE, is at least something we’re familiar with however directly or indirectly the situation may have been, is something of a touchy issue with dating and relationships. You may find yourself in the situation of he/she is just not into you anymore and wonder: “what happened?”. The problem is, that person just may not be available to give you the answer to that question. There are some instances in which that person may have been in a situation in which they had to just cut all communication with no warning; however, the more common case is just that that person was just not man or woman enough to just tell what the situation is and walk rather than adding unnecessary questions for the sake of less drama. What is really the case is that the “duck and run” method to ending things isn’t taking away the drama; it’s just transferring the drama and giving a double burden to the one left with countless questions. So in closing, I have just this advice: if you feel the need to end a relationship with someone, just be straight with them, in person if possible, because if that person has to be brave enough to face rejection, then you should be brave enough to address things face to face and deal with the fall-out. While no one likes rejection, no one respects a coward.

Being A Relationship Cosmopolitan

Relationship cosmopolitan (noun): A person who chooses to unpack unnecessary relationship baggage and take only the lessons learned, new self awareness, and lighter emotional self into a new relationship.

 

As I sit here contemplating the end of my 18 month relationship hiatus, I ask myself: have I really done myself any favors by being single for so long? After a break-up, I find myself following a specific pattern: grief, anger, numbness, indifference, introspection (all the above usually simultaneously), lust, loneliness, back in the dating scene. After this pattern, another relationship follows. It’s how a lot of relationships begin, wonderful even sometimes emotionally/sexually intense; and then the honeymoon’s over and whatever you blinded yourself to about your own issues or those of your significant other hits the fan and you’re comparing this relationship to all the others (usually to disastrous ends). I’ve found this to be the case quite commonly in my own relationships and in those I’ve observed. And what is the issue that continues this vicious cycle? We continue to carry around the baggage from our past and don’t sort it out and dump it out of our lives after that stage in our life is over. We leave it at the door ready to be picked up every time we walk through the door into another relationship and stack it with what we’re trying to build in our new relationships. Now really, is that really fair to your new love or to yourself for that matter?

In light of that, I propose being a “relationship cosmopolitan”. You traveler much lighter through life and relationships and don’t have to worry about pesky weight and dimension restrictions as you walk through the gate to board your next relationship. By taking only what you need from what you’ve learned from your past, you arm yourself with knowledge about yourself and what you need, don’t need, want, don’t want and boundaries that must be established to give your budding relationship the foundation it needs to be built upon. When you start a relationship blindly, you make a foundation full of cracks and holes that at the least sign of trouble, the relationship crumbles. If you start your relationship on steady ground with the knowledge that both sides have things from their past that has shaped who they are now, you make a foundation of accepting that person and even yourself for who/they are but letting what you build be the slate on which your relationship is written and letting the NOW determine what the future might bring.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’m much happier with the idea of bringing a small carry-on rather than paying for extra luggage that’s better left behind.