When you go through a hard time, it’s not always easy to remember to think before you act. All you want is for the pain to just stop so you can be okay again.
Step one in getting to the “Okay Zone” is to breathe. The restorative quality of just simply focusing on your breathing and nothing else is highly underrated. The rate of our breathing is greatly tied to our emotional state. For example, when you’re angry, your adrenaline is up and your breathing becomes very fast and erratic nothing else matters other than why you’re upset. You don’t want to be calm; you don’t want to be rational. All you want is to feel some sort of recompense for what you’re going through. We can’t let ourselves be ruled entirely by emotion. We must allow ourselves time to reflect and to calm down.
When you’re upset, and hear someone tell you to calm down, you feel that person is against you and taking the side of the person(s) who wronged you. What is usually the case; however, is that that person is trying to reduce your pain and back down any thought racing through your head of hurting yourself or others. Let’s face it, your anger justified or not, only really hurts the person expressing it. You can only go forward. You can’t undo what’s already been done. You do have the choice of your solution. You can remain angry and go over that situation over and over in your mind until you live and breathe your pain in anger. In this instance, it will consume you and put you on the path of no return. Another choice would be to go to an objective party to talk your situation out. There is nothing like a new pair of eyes to look at a situation to maybe show you something that you missed or help you to be more objective about it. This way, you have a better chance at repairing the breach or getting some sort of relief from knowing you did everything you could and can move forward. The other solution is to just let go. You push the situation from your mind and move on. What’s done is done and there’s nothing else to do. There’s no examination period in which we explore motives and analyze actions. We just accept that it happened and go on with our lives. In a lot of cases, this last example choice would be the healthiest. It may seem as if it’s just a “quitter’s option”, but there’s a more positive way in seeing this. Instead of losing yourself in the other person or the situation, you’re focusing on yourself and your emotions and reactions.
You can’t change the other person or what happened, but you can control what you do and what will happen moving forward. You can look at your feelings and your reactions and figure out what’s best for YOU. One thing we lose sight of during emotional upheavals is that “I matter too”. It’s easy to let ourselves get lost along the way. The hard part is to keep at the forefront of our minds the truth that we matter, our feelings matter, our thoughts matter, and our existence is for more than just someone else’s amusement.