In this post, new staff writer Jadori couples an introductory post with a personal story of her journey of being a plus-sized woman dating interracially.
I’m a fat girl. I admit it. I am what most men consider the bottom of the dating world. When I was in my teens, I always thought that I was going to have that high school love (ladies you know what I’m talking about). He would be that jock player the V.I.P that was not like the other guys on the team who liked you for you. But let’s get back to reality…when you’re a geek that doesn’t happen. It is even harder when you are a woman of color that is also a geek that is going to a school that is nothing but White people you are public enemy number one. Especially towards white girls they really hated me and to this day I never understood why. But then I realized I was a “foreign” desire for most of the white boys that I would walk by. I was not a normal high school girl but to them I was an experiment. Now, I can’t speak for white men because I am not one. However, I still find it very interesting that some white men when it comes to dating women outside of their race women of color are still being viewed as animistic in nature.
That is where my low self-esteem came from. When I would look at those horrible teen magazines such as Seventeen or YM all they talked about was white love and never about people of color who dated outside of their race. They especially never talked about us fat women. We were the minority especially in the 90s when the plus-size woman was just coming up on the market and it was slowly becoming oh ok to show your curves. But for me and many other plus-sized women out who are from a different racial group from looking at these magazines you are programmed to believe that white women are prefect especially if they are “in shape” or skinny for that matter. What ever happened to just focusing on being healthy and loving your body? When these white men would look at me I was something new to them: something that for some have never encountered in their life. For me as well having a super-curvy body and full-figured chest at such a young age was a confusing time for me as well. But then, I met a boy named Todd (not his real name) who sat by me one day and told me that I was beautiful. It was then that my world was truly flipped upside down. Those generalizations that I had about White men gave me a desire for them. These are the tips that I had learned from Todd about building self-esteem:
The more you work out, the better you will feel about yourself.
If you care about your outward appearance, you must admit your inner struggle in order to heal.
Here is a white man who is considered to be the top of the dating chain (at time now I feel black men and Latino men are heavily more desired) who wanted to understand the struggles that I faced as a woman of color and wanted to be with me. But of course for some white men they tend to fall under the pressures of other white people personalities change. Although it did not work out between us it helped to realize that if I could not love myself and be a strong woman of color for myself and keeping my health together then I am failing myself. By working out, it allowed me to let go of all of the stresses instead of eating my sorrows away. By being a part of this blog in sense is helping me to go through my inner struggle. I realize that I am not the perfect woman but by telling my stories I hope to help other plus-sized women who are going through the same issues.