How To Have A One-Night Stand

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the rules of a one-night stand.



Used to be, a one-night stand was what it was: a one-time sexual encounter with no strings or emotions attached.  It still is.


One-night stands start with two people and their uncontrollable sexual tension/attraction to one another.  The sex act takes place, then each participant goes on his/her merry way, never to talk or meet again.  Think you can do that?


If you can’t go on your merry way, and the other person can and does, you’re setting yourself up for heartache.  Case in point:  a friend of mine dragged me to a club to hear music by some obscure rock group.  She was obsessed with the bass player.  During the band’s intermission, my friend and he spoke briefly.  Long story short, after the concert, at 3:30 am, I drove her down to the East Village and waited with her until Mr. Bass player showed up.  Before she got out of the car, I said, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  Then I watched the pair enter an apartment above a storefront, and went home.


Between you and me – I didn’t sense any sexual tension between these two.


The next day, my friend calls me.  She’s unglued.  Then, she bursts into tears.  She tells me she phoned the bass player several times, but he wouldn’t answer.  I said to her, “What did you expect?”  You know what she expected: the bass player to magically put his lifestyle on hold and have a relationship with her.  That wasn’t going to happen!


The next thing my friend did was track down the rehearsal studio his band rented.  She shows up, and the band members prevent her from entering the studio.  Can you imagine how she felt?   That night, I spent at least an hour using the imaginary bicycle pump to bring her deflated ego back to size.  I also impressed upon her that when you have a one-night stand, you gotta play by the rules, or you’re going to get hurt and make a fool of  yourself.


It’s exciting when you meet a stranger and the sexual tension between you causes the mice behind the Xerox machine to come out and bask in the heat.  However, oft-times the blaze and the fantasy are more rewarding than the afterglow.  Especially if you’re not emotionally ready/mature, and are not well-versed in the rules.



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