This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses how to deal with negative emotions and their possible effects on a relationship.
Do you direct your negative emotions against your mate? If you think about it, in most relationships someone resents his circumstances. What might those circumstances be? He could be out of work or overworked, overweight, underpaid, under laid, etc. And when he resents his circumstances, he either openly – or secretly – blames his mate for his situation.
Directing your resentment toward your mate – especially if you don’t clue her in as to why you’re feeling so resentful – will alienate her. It might even send her into the arms of another man.
What’s an unhappy, resentful guy full of negative emotions supposed to do?
1. Stop directing your negativity toward the person you love.
2. Say to yourself “Resenting others makes me feel like crap.”
3. Say to yourself “I don’t want to feel like crap.”
4. Say to yourself “In the name of common sense – and my health – I’m chucking the negativity and resentment.”
5. Say to yourself, “When I am feeling negative and resentful, I don’t see the damage that it does to me, my relationship, and others around me.”
6. Say to yourself, “Directing my negativity toward the person I love is like tossing dirt at her when the wind is blowing in my direction.”
Blaming someone else for your situation isn’t going to change that situation. Blaming someone else isn’t going to make you closer to that person. However, discussing your feelings will. For instance, if you’re out of work, let her know that you’re frustrated that you can’t find a job. When she hears that you’re frustrated, she will either sympathize, or empathize, or both with you. And isn’t that what you really want? Someone to give you a hug, say she understands, and possibly swing into action and help you? When you discuss your frustrations with her, she understands your plight better.
Always discuss your feelings with the one you love. If she isn’t receptive, or hasn’t a clue, then you’ve picked the wrong lady to spend your life with. The right woman knows that a successful relationship takes a team of two. She also sees an imaginary scale that needs to stay balanced to keep the relationship harmonious and happy. If it tips one way and stays there, and neither of you does anything to bring the balance back, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship becomes loveless, full of resentment, and headed toward splitsville.
So, instead of staying trapped inside a cage of your own negative thoughts and resentful feelings, and then lashing out, talk to her. Don’t alienate the one you love. And make sure your little powwow is done when she is receptive – so check the calendar. If all decks are clear, take her to her favorite restaurant, take some deep breaths, and have your heart-to-heart.