Now You Can Touch

Staff writer Frank Friedlander discusses “married sex”.

 

Sex. Did that get your attention? It always does, and it should. In the case of marriage, sex is something that oft becomes forgotten, if not avoided. In other cases yet, it becomes a chore or a routine, something scheduled. I laughed my ass off watching Married With Children back in the day, but no marriage should mimic that of the Bundys.

 

“So are we going to have sex tonight” is a question that should never be asked. What’s worse is “are we going to have sex this week,” which can become are we going to have sex this month,” and so on, and so forth. If any variations of this question are asked in your household, you’re doing it wrong. The question is really no less ridiculous than asking, “So should we catch a cold?”.

 

Sex is something that should just happen, and certainly never be penciled into a calendar. It would be ideal to simply take your spouse, rip his or her shirt off, throw them to the bed, couch, or even table at a moments notice, and go to work. Caveman style, minus that whole clubbing them over the head and dragging them off by their hair part.

 

Sadly, this just isn’t possible in most homes. That type of thing tends to traumatized your children, if you have any. This isn’t to say that spontaneity should be cast away. Once the kids are in bed, or at gramma’s, anything goes; at least it should.

 

To go beyond that, Sex should be kept fun and interesting. Strive for something new. A new position is always a treat. Playing dress up is also something that adds a hell of a spark to even the dullest bedroom. If you can work props into the equation, even better.

 

Having sex on a regular basis is the ultimate tension breaker. There are problems that even a wild, sweaty, passionate night of anything goes lovemaking can’t fix. However, if you’re able to have enough wild, sweaty, passionate nights of lovemaking before a marriage reaches that point, you stand a better chance of not reaching said point to begin with.

 

I understand that there are many marriages in which one or both partners feel as though they are bored with one another from a sexual standpoint, which leads to it becoming dull or routine. Perhaps they should mix things up. It’s not what you do; it’s how you do it. Who knows white kind of deprave type of shit you can get your spouse to do that you never would have imagined.

 

In an ideal relationship, anything should go. You should be able to do whatever you want to one another, within reason. Good God, there are more things that two people can to one another sexually than imaginable.

 

The ultimate goal should be that no matter how many years a couple has been married, they shouldn’t be able look at one another without the urge to rip one another’s clothing off and go to town. So tonight, to hell with whatever you have planned. Guys:If the first thing that comes to mind tonight when you think of the word “fantasy” is football, you need help. Gals: you can DVR The Real Housewives of who Gives a Shit and watch it, how about never. When the kids are asleep, get primal, sans the whole clubbing them over the head, and dragging them off by their hair. Unless he or she is into that type of thing, and if so, nice work if you can get it.

 

 

 

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