This week, staff writer Stephany Salinas discusses the topic of relationship labels. What are YOUR thoughts?
In the last few years, I’ve dated a lot. It’s to be expected from a girl who is in her early 20s. As I approach my mid-20s, I’ve noticed more and more how women, and some men, have become almost desperate to find their “soul-mate”. I’ve seen women date men for the sole purpose of having a boyfriend and being able to switch their relationship status on Facebook from “Single” to “In a Relationship”, and change their profile picture to one of them and their significant other.
I’ve been single for the last year, and the reason why is because I’ve become quite picky in men. Frankly, I don’t want to waste my time anymore. I don’t feel the NEED to be in a relationship just because I’m in my mid-20s. When people ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t get emotional and cry because I’m alone. I’m a 24-year-old woman living in the beautiful city of Chicago, with a steady job, making good money, surrounded by awesome friends. There is nothing to be sad about. Do I like having a boyfriend? Absolutely, it’s always nice to have someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. Do I feel like I NEED to have one in order to fit in? Not at all. In fact, for a short time, I was very back and forth about the whole “title” thing. I’ve seen a guy, and I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, who has treated me better than my official “boyfriends” have.
In time, I became okay with not having the title. I mean, as long as we’re exclusive, who needs a title, right? However, recently I’ve been thinking about this more. Something felt like it was missing. And I know what it is. That damn title. (And no, not the Facebook relationship status change. I’m honestly not too crazy about telling the world who I’m dating, especially when that changes often.)
So, why do we care about titles and labels? Why is it that we want so badly for someone to make us their girlfriend or boyfriend? After reading “He’s Just Not That Into You”, I realized exactly why. As Greg puts it, “A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself. Why wouldn’t he?”
And he’s right! >.<
If you want something bad enough, you go after it. This applies to all aspects of your life. If you want a certain job, luxuries, or goals, you set out and make it happen. So, wouldn’t the same apply for a relationship?
If you spend your time with one person, and you’re into them, and you wouldn’t want anyone else to touch them, what’s stopping you from making them “yours”? When you like someone, you ask him or her out. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. People can sit here and say they don’t believe in “labels”, but it’s all a pile of crap (in my opinion). A pile of crap that has been told by some dude who says that he doesn’t believe in labels, and then ends up dating some skanky half-witted girl who works at a scummy bar in place of a career, or wifes the next random girl he meets at the gym.
And some of us, myself included, sit here and try to act like it’s okay. We don’t “need” the title, I’m totally okay with us being unofficial. But, are we really? Are we really okay with the fact that Mr. I-Don’t-Want-A-Girlfriend is pretty much saying “I don’t want to be tied down…with you”? Because that’s exactly what that means.
Pay attention, because this one goes out to all the women out there. You are all beautiful. We are all beautiful. Yes, we’re a bit nuts at times. We’re emotional, we think with our hearts, and we overanalyze everything. But we also are programmed to love, nurse, and care. We give birth, for Christ’s sake. Every woman is beautiful in her own way, no matter how big, small, short, or tall. And every beautiful woman deserves a significant other who is PROUD to call her their own. Every woman deserves to have someone who isn’t comparing their relationship to others, saying “We have it better even without the title”. No. You two should be so happy with each other, that you don’t have time to compare your relationship to others.
So the next time you’re in a “relationship” and you have to question whether or not it’s going anywhere, ask yourself if you want it to. If you don’t care where it goes or if it escalades, then hell, keep on keeping on. But if you’re unhappy, even slightly, with the situation, communicate that to him/her. STAY AWAY from the ultimatum (read from my post last Thursday!). Ultimatums are never a good idea. Just communicate.
And if they have something else in mind, and are unwilling to make you theirs, move on honey. Move on, because somewhere out there, there is someone who is DYING to show you how special you are.