Staff writer Stephany Salinas‘s post of the week focuses on the necessity of being literal and highlights this through the bad habit of assumption. Men, we understand your annoyance. Women, pay attention and this could make dating and relationships a lot smoother for you.
The other day, I came across a quote that inspired the topic of men being literal minded:
“Sometimes I wish I could find a guy who would know I’m not okay, even when I say I am”.
*Cue facepalm -_-
This is probably the number one thing I’ve heard men complain about when it comes to their girlfriends. What she isn’t saying. Many times, a girl will use the “I’m fine” phrase, even though she’s fuming on the inside. Why do we do this? Why do girls feel the need to cover up problems that are obviously bothering them?
At this point, if you’re a female, you’re thinking one of two things; 1. Girls are so dumb; I see that happen all the time, or 2. Hey, I do that!
If you’re thinking the latter, it’s okay; I’ve been guilty of this as well. Women have this tendency to want to be figured out. It might have to do with the fact that we are so analytical ourselves that we assume everyone is the same way. Our girlfriends happen to always pick up when we’re sad or upset, so why can’t men?
Wrong. So, SO, wrong.
Honey, if men had the same mindset as women, the entire dating world would most likely be non-existent. The simple and literal mindset that men naturally have is actually a gift, believe it or not. It balances out the crazy that women are born with. And don’t say it’s not true, because every girl has had her “crazy” moment. Sometimes, most of the time, you have to think like a man to understand him.
“Men aren’t really complicated, honey. They are very simple, literal creatures. They usually mean what they say. And we spend hours trying to analyze what they’ve said – when really it’s obvious. If I were you, I’d take him literally. That might help.” -E.L. James
Literal creatures. Literal- being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical.
Some women may jump to the conclusion of thinking that this is another phrase for “dumb”. Men are “dumb”. Sometimes, yes, they can be. Most of the time, no. Actually, men are logical. Think about it. We sit here saying, “No, it’s fine. Everything is fine”, and then expect our significant other to just have a hunch that no, actually, everything is not fine, even though we just said it was. What the hell kind of sense does that make? Who looks dumb now? That’s right, we do.
Now, I understand that when something is bothering you, there are times where you just don’t want to discuss it at the moment. So instead of saying anything, you shrug it off…for now. Until something else happens that triggers that emotion again, and an event that happened days, weeks, even months ago suddenly becomes relevant and most likely takes part in an argument. For example (I say this because I’ve literally witnessed this happen in front of my own eyes), you and your boyfriend are watching TV, and he mentions that he finds the lead actress in the show to be attractive. At the moment, it bothers you, but you let it slide. Then, at a later time, he says something else that bothers you, or you two happen to be in an argument. Then what happens? “Well maybe you should date (insert attractive actress’s name here) instead! You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You may be laughing now, but I’ve seen this happen, and it’s extremely scary how crazy girls can be. If it bothers you when your significant other makes comments like that, TELL HIM. Otherwise, he thinks what he’s doing is okay with you. OH, and don’t get me started on the drunk girls who suddenly have the guts to tell their boyfriend about everything that bothers them. That’s probably the worst/scariest thing I’ve ever seen.
Now that you have a better understanding of how crazy a girl’s mindset can be, I want you to imagine being honest. Practice it, and embrace it. Mark Twain said it best, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything”. It’s quite a beautiful concept, and I know from first hand experience that it makes any and every relationship SO much easier. If your boyfriend spending 3 hours a night playing video games bothers you, tell him. Don’t sit there and let him think that you’re the “cool” girlfriend who is totally okay with it. If you’re not, talk about it. Who knows, maybe he has a legitimate reason. Maybe it relaxes him. Or maybe he’s unaware that you miss him and want to spend time with him. Perhaps he doesn’t know that him choosing Xbox over you makes you feel inadequate. You can’t blame him for this, unless you’ve already made it clear to him. After that, there’s no excuse, right?
If your significant other is a huge flirt, and it bothers you, tell him. Maybe it’s his flirting that bothers you, or maybe you just need reassurance that you’re the one he’s going home with, so you shouldn’t worry. Either way, talk to him. Communicate, because failure to communicate is one of the biggest perpetrators of failed relationships. If it bothers you that he hasn’t taken you out on a date in a long time, tell him that. If it doesn’t change, then that goes to show that he really doesn’t care. But if you don’t give him the opportunity to fix things, they will remain unchanged, and you will continue to be unhappy.
For the love of God, ladies, SAY SOMETHING. Don’t sit there and expect a man to know what you are thinking. Talk to him, and I guarantee you’re relationship will be a hundred times easier, and he will GREATLY appreciate it. And if you can’t be honest with your man, why are you even in a relationship?