Things That Go Bump In The Night

I will state first of all that my title has nothing to do with childhood monsters of the closet or under the bed variety; I’m talking about the bedroom, more specifically sex. Now I’ve never liked the phrase “bumpin’ uglies”. I always felt that turned an activity that can be fun, loving, sensual, and exciting into something well…ugly. I admit that other terms for sex can be flowery, comical, and sometimes inappropriate (sounding clinical) for a particular time such as: making love, having sexual relations, making whoopee, bump and grind, tap that ass, intercourse, and let’s not forget the old classic “get to know you in the Biblical sense”. When it comes to “doing the nasty” or as I’d like to think of it, “doing the naughty” that is if you’re doing it right, I appreciate having sweet nothings whispered in my ear; but if you’re going to go on a euphemism spree, talk dirty to me not awkwardly. No one likes getting down to the naughty business and feel as if they might have ended up in the wrong bed. When talking dirty, make sure it can come naturally off the tongue, the effect is pretty ruined when one or both parties are embarrassed when they’re going for sexy. Gauge your partner’s reaction to dirty talk and get an idea of words or names they might find offensive and those you notice might make them feel sexy, then practice in the mirror to gauge your own reaction to saying them and to be able to flow without embarrassment. Take a nibble, two kisses, and let your imagination take you the rest of the way and call me in the morning or not…you might be busy…

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