Avoiding the Inevitable-Part 4: Fear

This week, staff writer Stephany Salinas continues her “Avoiding the Inevitable”series.

So far, I’ve covered familiarity, guilt, and love as far as the excuses go for not wanting to breakup with someone, besides the obvious fact that break-ups just plain suck.

This week, I want to cover fear. It’s going to be short and sweet, because it’s really a simple concept. And I don’t mean fear as in domestic violence or anything. If you’re in a relationship where you are fearing for your physical safety or health..leave. No questions asked, get out of it ASAP, no excuses.

The fear I’m talking about is a selfish one. The selfish fear of the unknown. If you are in a relationship with someone who is absolutely crazy about you, there’s a good chance they’re treating you like a queen/king. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, or that you don’t deserve it, but you have to ask yourself if it’s mutual. Are you treating them as well as they’re treating you? If the answer is no, then it’s become a one-sided relationship, and that’s unfair.

So why stay in it? Why do you continue to let this person basically make a fool of themselves when you aren’t even that interested? What is it that you fear?

Losing The Royal Treatment:

There’s a good chance that you’re afraid you’re not going to find anyone else who’s going to do the same for you. In all reality, it’s extremely hard to find someone these days who is going to treat you like that, so I don’t blame you. I dated a guy who basically moved me in, cooked for me, washed my clothes, and even bought me tampons. No joke, this guy went out ON HIS OWN and bought me my female necessities without me ever asking. Unfortunately, the relationship became unhealthy one, and things were falling apart fast. He became increasingly jealous, and we were heading in a lifestyle that I wanted no part of. I was 19, he was 27, and we wanted two completely different things in life. So why did I hesitate leaving?

Selfishness. I knew that finding another guy who was willing to treat me like royalty was going to be extremely difficult, so I tried dealing with all the flaws in my relationship. I justified his poor actions by remembering that he cooked me dinner the night before, or bought me my favorite movie to watch. It suddenly became okay that would get drunk and angry, because he took me out to dinner last weekend. It almost goes along with the guilt reasoning in one of my last entries. This is part guilt; mainly fear of losing being treated like royalty. Because, in all honesty, who doesn’t want to be treated like a king/queen?

Not Finding Love Again:

This is one we are all guilty of. Alright, maybe not all, but more than 90%. (Yay for making up statistics!). At the end of almost every bad break-up, you hear the phrase, “You’re never going to find anyone who loves you as much as I do”. At that moment, you hesitate. I did. I remember thinking what any young woman, and possibly man, would think. What if they’re right? What if you don’t find anyone else who falls in love with you?

Knock it off. Stop right there. There are 8 billion people in this planet. If you CAN’T find love again, it’s your own damn fault. There are so many kinds of love; it’s almost impossible not to run into it at some point. It’s all about what you want. If you’re not finding it, there’s a good chance there’s a good reason for that.

So before you continue to stay in a relationship because you’re afraid of never finding love again, stop and ask yourself if being miserable with someone is really worth it. Would you rather be miserable with someone, or be strong enough to be happy on your own, and let love find it’s way in when you’re ready?

Bottom line: Never let fear keep you in a relationship you know damn well you shouldn’t have any part in. Remember that you are strong, and that you WILL find someone someday who is going to treat you exactly how you deserve. Be patient, fearless, and keep your head held high.

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