We are told in childhood that it is wrong to lie; but as we grow older, this admonition is amended and we are told that is it sometimes okay to lie if it is done to spare someone else pain and embarrassment. As adults, we’re constantly surrounded by the pool of lies that have essential become part of everyday life. Here are examples of such lies:
1) Nothing’s wrong. Now this lie is the most common among all age groups. This is the usual lie told to appear in a position of strength or for self-protection. Now let’s take each of these piece by piece:
1a) Saying nothing’s wrong to appear to be in a position of strength. Being vulnerable is a very scary thing on the face of it. When one thinks of the word “vulnerable” we think “weak” and think of it as essentially giving away power. We don’t want to be a burden or considered the weak link in the relationship; so even when something is wrong, we shield it, claiming to be doing it for others because we don’t want to add to someone else’s problems; but when all’s been said and done, did we really lessen the headache for others or for ourselves?
1b) Saying nothing’s wrong as self-protection. It does in a lot of ways feel very similar to coming at this to appear to be in a position of strength. However; in this case, it’s less about pride and more about needing to not be hurt in the same way again by the same person(s) or others. We need to feel within ourselves a sense of comfort that as long as we believe there’s nothing wrong, then it is true. While this may not be the most healthy way to cope, sometimes, illusion is better than reality and may even be a stepping stone to face the reality at an emotionally or mentally better time. Sometimes a vacation from present reality is the healthiest thing to do; we just have to remember to come back and deal with what we left behind.
2) Yes. I know, I know. This seems wrong. I mean, “yes” is an affirmation of intention, usually positive. USUALLY, yes. It is also a sticky trap for those of us who find it difficult to say “no”. Yes can be permission or resignation. We might find ourselves okay with telling someone yes and taking on whatever that “yes” means; but a lot of times, we say it because it’s the lesser of two evils and can get us out of a conflict as long as we acquiesce. What we don’t realize until further down the road is that acquiescence ties us down in a certain position going forward. As they say: “start as you mean to go”.
3) Honestly. Now this one I’ll make short and sweet. When most say the word, “honestly”, it is usually in defense of something they’re saying. Sometimes, it’s a defense of their position, sometimes it is to cover their asses. Usually, it’s to give an illusion of a truth that’s just simply not there.
My aren’t we a deceitful lot. We try to lead an existence in which we try to not offend too many people and in the end make liars of us all. Ourselves for uttering the lie and others for letting us perpetuate it. The lies we tell: are they told to ease someone else’s conscience or our own.