This week, staff writer Stephany Salinas continues her “Avoiding the Inevitable” series.
Let me start this week’s entry by having you ask yourself a question.
Have you ever been in love?
At this point, I’m sure most of you are saying that you have. Fantastic. Now, let me ask you this, have you ever NEEDED love? This is where it gets interesting.
By the time you reach your mid-to late-20’s, there’s a big chance you’ll already fall in love with someone, maybe even multiple people (you poor soul). In my last entry (part 2) I talked about the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship, and how once it’s over you ask yourself if you still actually like this person enough to continue dating them. When you don’t, you feel guilty trying to break up with that person. So what happens when you’re on the other end of that? What happens when you’ve fallen for someone who doesn’t share those feelings for you?
When your significant other realizes that they aren’t as into you as they thought they were, things are going to change. You will notice that they don’t do or say certain things they used to. Your time spent together will gradually decrease while the excuses seem to pour in. One day you are the amazing girlfriend they can’t get enough of, and the next, you feel like everything you do is wrong. In the back of your mind, you know something is wrong. If your friend was in your situation, you’d tell them to bail as soon as possible, but because it’s you, you decide to stick around, regardless of how awful you KNOW you’re being treated. So why do you stay?
El-oh-vee-ee. The one thing that refuses to allow you to think straight.
It’s a genuine, stupid, love. The kind that blinds you to their hurtful actions and tries to justify them by using terrible excuses.
I know because I’ve been there. I was so head over heels about someone that I lost sight of myself. I went from being the optimistic social butterfly who was always out and about, to being cooped up in a basement. Why? Because I wanted to spend my free time with the guy I was nuts about, even if it consisted of watching him play video games and get high.
I was an idiot. I became the stereotype that I had actually hated on. Those girls that would come to me asking for advice on their clearly terrible relationships…I became one of them. I compromised my own beliefs and my social life to accommodate his, and it was unfair. What’s sick is the more he didn’t respond, the more I wanted his acceptance. The more he didn’t show interest, the more I wanted his love. I had gone from being the girl he showed off at the bar, to being the girl he texted while his character respawned on Xbox.
What happened is I got used to being treated like garbage, so when he WOULD text me to come by his house and hang out, I thought it was some sort of progress, which is absolutely ridiculous. To reiterate from one of my last posts, “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a s—t, he genuinely doesn’t give a s—t. No exceptions”.
There’s that word again. “Exceptions”. I fell victim to it once again. When we first started dating, he called me his “exception”. He had given up on love, but I “could be the one” to bring him back. It was all a total crock of bull, because I ended up with a broken heart and a completely different perception on dating, men, and love altogether.
I was being ignored and treated like garbage. Through the duration of our relationship, I wasn’t taken out on a date. Not one. All I ever got was empty promises, and he knew that was enough because my optimistic imagination had always gotten the best of me. When he said, “I need to take you to dinner” or “I’m going to take you there sometime”, I would get so excited. The fact that he even thought about it was enough to make me happy and think that he cared. He didn’t.
Eventually, he broke up with me. We ended, and it was extremely hard to be friends, mainly because I loved the guy. Then, we got back together, and it happened all over again. I wish I was kidding. Then we broke up..again. When he attempted a third time, I had finally had enough. My heart was tired, and I was emotionally exhausted. I wish I could say I don’t have any regrets in life, but I can honestly say that I wish I could go back to that time, and leave him the second he treated me less than what I deserved. I wish I could go back and be the strong girl that I needed to be.
I wish I could go back and slap the girl I was, and tell her that “love” is no reason to stay in a relationship that you KNOW you shouldn’t be in.
No matter how much you love someone, you should never compromise your dignity. You deserve to be in a healthy and fun relationship, not one where someone is taking advantage of you. If you ever see this happening, muster up the courage to end things. Leaving someone you love may tear up your heart, but being treated like garbage will leave a scar.
Leaving someone you love will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do , but I PROMISE that your future self will thank you. Never allow someone to be your everything, because the day it’s over, and one day it most likely will be, you’ll be left with nothing. Be smart, and above all else, be strong.