SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Want to know what the stars have aligned for you this month? Check out this shuistrology report from Ellen Whitehurstfind your sign and see what October has in store! Cheers!

ARIES SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Wowza, yowza, there’s a ton of energy happening at the tiptop of your month Aries.  And a lot of this movement is related to relationships.  And, then, a lot is wrapped around money too.  Ultimatums and alterations are the theme of your month early on as you start to explore other income producing options and other more supportive and swell relationships too.  In fact there is one relationship that gets much more committed this month that will buoy your confidence and exponentially increase your charm.  Brand new starts are opening all over the place including ones with new contacts and colleagues as well as with old friends and possibly even existing partners too.  This is a wonderful time to take a lot more of it (time that is) and spend it on yourself as opposed to paying all that attention to others.  The great news is that all these new starts are sparkling and bright and will bring you relief and release from recent relationship tensions while also offering you a belly breath of fresh air.  Go ahead Aries, its okay this month to take a well deserved break while possibly even dreaming of all the new and exciting changes that lie ahead.  Your dreams and your schemes that come forward this month have success written all over them – which is also why once you take that break you get back up and get back going again.  You have blessings and boons being showered all over you in October Aries, so, breathe, break and begin all over again.  Oh, yeah, and then there’s that one day when both love and money are vying and competing for your enthusiastic attention.  Want to know when to wear your heart on your sleeve while taking your wallet out for a positive spin?  Read on my friend, read on.

TAURUS SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

I know that all your obligations and responsibilities have taken a toll on you these last few years Taurus but as you end this month you are going to KNOW – – on every conceivable level – that you are now about to enter a time of renewed enthusiasm and energy as you’ll also KNOW that things are finally starting to move in your direction!  Wait.  Stop and read that last part again.  I know you will have a hard time believing this since you have had such a hard time the past two plus years, but, THIS IS THE MONTH when things will lighten and brighten and begin to move in your direction.  Because of that promise this month additionally offers you a stronger sense of self-confidence and oodles of charm while inviting you to come and see that light at the end of the tunnel.  You will want to tune in to your intuition this month as well and go deep within in order to find ways to finally let go of the last twenty-four plus months of duress and double trouble that you’ve been experiencing.  As well, the health issues that you might have been experiencing (even if that simply means getting out of an exercise routine or thinking negative thoughts) need attending so you can finally rid yourself of those concerns as well.  There are bright and positive options being offered you at every turn so that you can embrace more discipline and better focus where your balance in your body, mind and your fractured spirit are concerned.  You are about to get much more fit and much stronger which will serve you well as you begin a new journey exploring old relationship and new opportunities.  A wonderful and great deal of bright ideas and motivating energies are being showered down upon you this month, almost as if by magic.  You simply must make the most of this cosmic advantage in order to finally manifest and make your excellent ideas a reality.  Now, the even bigger news – – yes – even bigger than all of that is that Venus, the planet that governs both LOVE and money slides into your 5th House of True Love this month giving romance and LOVE an extra added oomph and a big push to the positive, the possible and the purely magical.  If you want to know what day that wand starts waving then read on!

GEMINI SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

The month begins on a restless, edgy note with energies eventually bubbling over in a gajillion different areas of your life – friendships, love life, hobbies and interests, and, yes, you might even possibly find yourself engaged in redecorating your immediate environment – – both inside and out.  There is plenty of flirty fun to be had in October as well even if you will be called to be clearer and more disciplined in all those aforementioned areas – as opposed to being distracted by all attention being poured on an alarmingly charming you.  Your creativity will be courting you this month as well especially if you direct it towards some new project or plan.  If you do indulge this advice you are going to feel as energized, blessed, brighter and far more fortunate too.  Luck is on your side in October especially on and around a positively sparkling and spectacular day when you will feel on top of the world as well as (finally!) out from under.  Actually there are two days that will invite your imagination to make your fantasies your new reality while immersing you in tons and tons of luck.  If you RSVP to this cosmic call to action and take some proactive steps to blend your material and your spiritual pursuits you could conceivably find the purpose and the path that you’ve been praying for.  In fact Gemini, these two days actually open the door to the unlimited and will be pushing you fully through it.  Forget about opportunity knocking – – this month you are getting set to welcome fortune, luck and success.  Especially on these two aforementioned magical days.  Want to know when to wear orange in order to help all those blessings along?  Read on.

CANCER SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Get ready to be really appreciated and really admired this month Cancer as your talents and abilities are on full display for anyone interested to ‘oooohhhh’ and ‘ahhhhhhh’ over.  But I don’t know how much time you’re going to be able to devote to sharing your special skills with all this romance in the autumn air!  Somewhere along the October line someone is going to be very, very, VERY smitten and taken with you!  I suspect that you already know this – – and have already made some emotional as well as some physical changes to support your receiving all this ardent attention.  You are going to be gifted with some extra added physical energy and oomph at times this month but would also do well to be careful to always aim to bring balance between home and work – or risk overextending and, then, overreacting to the very people who are trying to support you.  You will need to focus your own attention on revitalizing your energy in order for you to become far more effective, both creative and in your expressive abilities as well.  Look I know that you’ve been feeling a little more than lonely lately but I want you to remember that if you want to be more fully loved than you need to love others more fully too.  Truth.  Take time away from the pressures of the every day in order to relax and reflect and then get ready to let go of old habits (and people too) that you may have been holding onto out of insecurity and fear.  A new day is dawning for you now Cancer and you won’t believe how shiny and exciting it’s about to be!  Of course, speaking about new days dawning leads me to sharing with you some information about three boundless and beautiful days filled to the brim with unlimited goodness, endless (and finally fulfilled!) expectations and, yes, all that aforementioned ardent admiration and love!  Want to know when you are not only going to be on the top of your game but considered the grand prize?  Read on.

LEO SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Oh Leo, I know how uncertain, unstable and possibly even insecure you’ve been feeling of late.  I also know you’ve probably been wondering WHEN you’re going to see some sort of clearer picture and pathway to your future too.  Well, get ready my friend because October is readying to become one of yours – – friends that is!  You have a planetary positioning happening early on that brings an almost IMMEDIATE improvement to your financial fortunes.  Wait – – take a minute and read that last line again.  The purse strings lighten up exponentially this month.  Don’t feel like you have to wait for the other shoe to drop though, even though that’s been your habit of late.  Are things as positive as they seem?  YES!  Do you hear me?  YES, things ARE as positive as they seem.  Especially inside your emotional environment.  So stop worrying and then creating more reasons for same.  You are getting set to get some super swell advice in October that can put you in the perfect position to finally find out what you really want in life.  You are very thoughtful this month Leo but I need you to remember that thoughts are things and can (and do!) create your future.  And, well, how about feeling invincible and super sexy to boot, wouldn’t that be a nice change from the recent past?  You will be focused on revitalizing the energy all around and over your home and that will be part and parcel of all this examination of your own emotional foundations – and how they are affecting everyone around you.  If you’ve been feeling really weighed down by too many responsibilities then this is the month when you figure out how you can thrive in this world – – as opposed to simply surviving in it.  Okay, so, this is your time now.  Not only will opportunities present themselves but so will the advice you need to make important and possibly life altering decisions too.  Breathe.  In October, the best is yet to come.  Now, speaking of the best – – there are two sensational days this month that will walk you right to the end of the rainbow.  These days are that golden.  Want to know when to expect all that glittering?  Read on.

VIRGO SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Off the chain charm.  A big boost in self-confidence.  Increased creativity.  And mo’ money, mo’ money, mo’ money!  That’s what this month is shoring and shaping up to bring to you in October Virgo.  And that ain’t even all of it.  There are sure to be some surprises this month but most of them will be tied to loosening your purse strings.  You are going to be given tons of opportunities now to make the most of your resources.  Pay no attention to the legacy last month’s last Full Moon left with you, the shaky cash and coin times are over and there’s a new money making energy building and boosting your bank account.  This is a time to learn fresh new skills and set them in stone so your intentions can now match up with your opportunities.  There could actually even be something so significant surrounding your career this month that you will be ready to release the recent past and celebrate away!  Have the champers ready friend, because you’ll probably be popping corks before the month is through.  Relationships also take center stage in October as well.  That’s where (and when!) all that charm, self-confidence and increased creativity will come into play too.  Be open to new and different ways of looking at your love life or at least be more flexible to having discussions around your existing one.  If you are single, that might not be static or your status quo for too very much longer.  Focus all your emotional powers on revitalizing and integrating your experiences so that you can use them to foundation your relationships in a much more focused and powerful manner.  You are going to learn much this month, not the least which will be new ways and opportunities to interact with the world around you.  Don’t look back Virgo, no matter how nostalgic you feel.  Look, reunions and reconnecting with old friends in order to revisit the past can give you a good idea and appreciation for just how far you’ve come, but, this month is all about moving forward, so let’s remember that okay?  Taking time THIS MONTH to objectively evaluate and look at ALL you’ve achieved in your life will be the KEY to learning about what will fill your future with the respect, recognition, rewards and success you seek.  It’s all waiting for you in October Virgo.  As is one day when you will be so alluring on every conceivable level that you will actually be turning heads and watching as the world beats a path to your Dre, um, I mean, to your door.  Want to know what day you should be waiting for all this opportunity to knock?  Read on!

LIBRA SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Oh LIBRA!!!  OH LIBRA!!!!  If I said nothing else but this next thing – – it would be more than enough!  Libra, this month the weight of the world comes off of your shoulders and can breathe again.  Breathe and celebrate.  Breathe and plan for the future.  Breathe and cry tears of relief and release.  Libra, this month, you get your mojo, your magic and your life back.  This month Libra.  This month.  But, well, you know that that’s not all I’m going to share with you right?  So let’s look at what else you’re going to be doing this month besides feeling as if you’ve just awoken from a long and bad dream.  Restrictive and limiting Saturn finally leaves your sign after two and half years and opens up opportunities now to find new footing with your renewed sense of self-confidence and esteem.  It’s time, this month, for you to start doing all that good for everyone else around you and to start doing well for yourself.  That might mean that someone specific REALLY has to leave your orbit now in order for you to travel happily onward.  The experiences you will encounter this month will be asking you to contemplate your future, especially from a financial perspective so you can consciously build the next cycle and phase of your life.  Wonderful planetary transits take place all the month long but none so special as Saturn moving on and a lifting of the limitations that you’ve been laboring under for years now.  Friends will play a pivotal role as you undergo all this interior and exterior change – – and those changes will include ones in your attitudes too!  FREEDOM Libra.  You and I both know that you’ve been praying for that for some time now.  Well this is the month you get to taste it.  YUM.  Deeeelicious.  Revitalize your energies and examine how much your self-image was affected by that same Saturn transit.  It’s time to get acquainted with the ‘new you’ and assess your new values for the future.  Productivity refuels your passions although all the lessons learned of the last few years has reframed what you appreciate in terms of material and spiritual goods.  It will be incumbent for you to also avoid negative people this month and be extra special careful to surround yourself with support and assistance.  It’s time to get down to the task of finding ways of improving both your future professional and your personal life as well.  Now, speaking of your future – – there are a few days this month that promise to lead you directly to the pot ‘o gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow.  These days are so sparkling and golden but it’s you who will shine baby shine!  A couple of days that will give you a cause for celebration as well as well as offering to bring balance on every conceivable level.  Oh and did I mention romance, increased esteem and some really good hair days too?  Want to know when?  Read on.

SCORPIO SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

This could be one of the most significant months that you’re going to see for a good long while Scorpio and so it will be critically important for you to connect with your truth (as well as with other people) in order to take the most advantage.  There are both love and money energies affecting you all month long with you feeling particularly frisky and ardently amorous regarding both.  This is a month when you will need to dig deep and slim down on the extraneous so you can get the skinny on what the Universe is about to offer you.  Saturn slides into your sign this month where it will stay for the foreseeable and that energy will allow you to be much more authentic and appreciative of your life too.  You might find yourself engaged in some streamlining this month and also entertaining a few dramatic changes as well.  Remembering that ALL of this is aimed at allowing you to get rid of what’s not working in your life so you can finally pull a plan together that that will create your future, roll up your sleeves and get goin.  Great changes in energy color your world in October and this energy can be used by you to make tremendously fulfilling changes in your life.  Or not.  Focus your emotions on revitalizing your passions and putting future plans into place that don’t include anything frivolous or even extraneous.  Discipline your personality and learn from your interactions.  Your reactions now dictate your reality.  Here’s the most important advice you will have for the next few YEARS:  take action and put effort into finding out exactly who the REAL you is and that will pay off in ways you can’t yet imagine.  Plan a break to relax and revivify.  You will begin to embrace life-altering clarity after all the mixed messages and confusing communications start to clear – – the proverbial clouds will part and do same.  The blinders are off in October and you’re going to be able to see exactly where you stand.  It’s what you then do with all that information that will predicate future possibilities and potential and bring you to a feeling of personal empowerment.  Here’s one thing that I can promise, when all those clouds do part, and they will, you’ll see nothing but blue skies ahead.  Now, speaking of blue skies and clouds parting and optimism ruling the day, there will be a couple of them that will knock your socks off (literally) when love comes calling bringing a potentially wonderfully fulfilling relationship right by its side.  Want to know when you’ll be swept off your feet?  Read on.

SAGITTARIUS SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

You’re on the edge of glory this month Sag, going gaga with lots of excellent opportunities to activate your own positive personal power because this month ‘the force’ is with you too.  That same force-filled promise might pertain to potential and possibilities attached to your financials too with pesky problems attached to negative friends garnering your attention too. This month is all about gaining greater clarity about what you want in your future and WHOM you want to spend it with.  I know that lately you might be feeling that someone or something has been holding you back from fulfilling your BIG potential but there is movement afoot on that front in October and that same movement might finally allow you to see that the one person or thing that you’ve been trying so hard to hold onto might not bring anything worthwhile to your hopes and goals anyway.  Look even though other people are still very important to you, this month, they key to finding your purpose and your fulfillment will be to put yourself first.  This is the one surefire way that you will find the personal power and the independence that October is promising.  You will need to examine what you have accomplished in the world up until this point and how you can go deeper to clarify the essence of your and of your experiences too.  You are ending one cycle and soon another new one will begin.  So, in a nutshell for October Sag – don’t cut corners, watch your spending and begin to consciously build your personal power to heights previously unseen!  I hope that sounds just about right to you because it certainly sounds like October for you to me!  Now, speaking of sounding oh sooooo right – – there’s one single day this month where an irresistible offer actually turns out to be a tremendous deal and your vision and hopes for the future actually start to unfold.  A glorious and five star day that is yours for the taking.  So take it already.  Want to know when?  Read on.

CAPRICORN SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

Stars are aligning in October to bring you big and beneficial business (and some personal) alliances and partners – and this promise only begins to underscore some of the excellent energies heading your way this transformational month.  You will feel pumped and pushed now to try to move heaven and earth to make some swell things unfold – but you will also be well advised to slow down and think everything thoroughly through.  Make a road map of where you want to go and be laser focused on traveling ONLY in those directions – -a cosmic and visionary personal GPS of sorts – so you don’t go rushing off into a thousand different ones.  One of those directions should be a more social one too involving you adding more of your support to groups and organizations since then they too can now add to your career success as well.  I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am as well that the Saturn transit that takes place this month means that for the next two plus years you will be learning how to attain your fondest hopes and dreams!  Yip.  So in October do be assured that you could see not only support and success but also a sea of positive change if you slow down and intentionally ride the wave of this flow!  Dramas with family and friends do take up a fair share of your attention in October but cooperation and compassion will always promise peace and balance too.  But problems with parents or other family members will be far overshadowed by the need for you to understand how to use your personal power on a social as well as a business level.  You will be offered amazing and different ways to do that in purposeful and creative ways that will produce incredible results in the big, wide world.  It’s time to look to the future in order to develop an approach that will infuse you with a new sense of purpose, promise and profit too!  Trust yourself to know what to do when you need to do it.  There are life-changing opportunities afoot and you are about to run with the best of them!  You want to know what else is going to be swirling around you on a specific and spectacular day this month?  Well, then, how does personal pleasure, creativity and a whole day devoted to indulgence sound?  Yeah, I thought so.  Want to know the extravagance appears?  Well, then, read on!

AQUARIUS SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

As you start October you could find yourself fighting for your principals and your causes while also shoring up and sharing a new idea (project?) or two.  That said love and affection peppered by passion is another attraction promised in October as well.  It’s possible that you will be given opportunities to take your love life to wonderfully exciting places during these heady days but you’ll have to remain balanced and centered too because there will be EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE work related opportunities abounding in October too.  Powerful people might be approaching you this month too, so breathe in through your nose because I smell team spirit leading to your B.I.G. success.  Your talents, flair, charm, allure and popularity are all given a huge boost in October and you need to give yourself permission to use these energies to your highest and best benefits.  Screw the people who put you down.  They are threatened by your off the chain charm and are jealous of your opportunities. Stand your ground and speak what you need.  I cannot say this strongly enough, this month could be a pivotal one in almost every area of your life and you need to GO FOR IT!  Do you hear me?  GO FOR IT!  Don’t let anything or anyone (!!!) stop you.  This is a critical month to be recognized for what you have done in the world.  You might feel a little overextended, frustrated or even burdened because of all these energies leading you to the height of success.  Step back and evaluate what adjustments need to be made so that the coming (and drastic) changes don’t drain you, but, rather, reenergize and restore your faith.  You simply MUST know what you are capable of achieving and then become laser focused on that goal.  Full of possibilities and potential to make improvement in every area of your life, October will be one of the best chances you have to make HUGE strides both personally and professionally.  And then there is that one day that will make your whole life seem like unicorns and rainbows.  A day when relationships flourish and fun is found every corner.  Easy going and empowering, the energies of this day will make you as attractive as it gets while also allowing you to enjoy the praise that is promised to be heaped upon you.  Want to know what day will have you taking a big bow for your bold and innovative ideas while magnetizing everyone else around?  Read on.

PISCES SHUISTROLOGY FOR OCTOBER 2012

Your Stars:

It’s entirely possible Pisces that you just might hear some long-awaited and GREAT financial news this month that will put your finances on the big upswing!  Want to know what else is going to be swinging this month?  YOU!  Yup (and yip!) love and romance are also in the October air and your heart will feel expansive and full.  Some surprise success also awaits you now with new possibilities in both personal and professional relationships emerging to engage you.  Someone new, exciting and wonderful is waiting in the wings and soon your feelings will fly free.  In fact expansion is one of the key themes of not only this month but of the next 30 (!!) and so you are going to immerse yourself in tons of new information.  Fairness and justice will liberate you from any outstanding and uncomfortable situations so be sure to maintain your integrity and get ready to receive some financial largesse.  There will be ending but there will also be some tremendous and new beginnings that will connect you with transformation.  If you are standing in your own truth in October then you will never find yourself standing in your own way.  Be open to new theories and philosophies that will broaden you body/mind/spirit.  You are connected to the collective by the experiences you’ve had in past but now is the time to pursue another path of learning – – intellectually and otherwise.  October will be the perfect time to ask yourself some difficult questions but the answers you find will lead you to a far happier and far more successful future.  No more buttoning up your feelings and zipping your lip to keep the peace.  Nope, it’s time to learn just how far some diplomacy and some truth can take you.  It’s also time to let go of some old habits that are no longer serving or supporting you so you can learn some new ones that will lead you comfort, fulfillment, and, yes, success.  Be confident in approaching uncomfortable situations and realize that what you have to say is equally important, if not more so, than what anyone else says or thinks too.  Listen to the still small voice within and use the one God gave you to express your side of the story.  Now, do you want to know what day you will communicate with such convincing power that the world will beat a path to your door?  A day that will infuse you with confidence and grace?  Want to know what day that will be?  Read on.

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50 Shades of…Are You Kidding Me?!

Okay, I admit it. I partake of Internet dating and even read and post on Craigslist personals. I admit, like others of you out there, I’m human and therefore appreciate other human connections physically, socially, and romantically. I will also say that never have I ever except on Craigslist have been entertained, pissed off, creeped out, grossed out, charmed, and depressed sometimes all at once as I have been looking through Craigslist list personals. Now, I’m a healthy, attractive, single, straight black female in my twenties. I would be considered normal by most definitions and have healthy appetites and have an open and relatively flexible mind; but Internet dating and especially CL can bring the dating process to a whole new level of CRAZY. Other than your usual “I’m too sexy” cocky people, “great catch (on paper)” people, sleezeballs, and straight up desperate people, you’re usually left with going to rant and raves to rail at the world at large for having such a scarily small selection of “good peeps”, take a long shower to try to scrub your mind and body from the memory and activity of reading posts and responses to your own posts, or just plain giving up in general and considering life with cats. I’ve had all these reactions at one time or other, believe me, there’s no amount of soap on God’s green Earth to scrub my mind of some of the horrors I’ve seen in my excursions of Internet dating; but I will promise that it does get better. There may not be a magical time during which it all just falls into place according to some calendar; but if you let yourself learn to take things in stride, use these situations to train yourself to know what to look for in what you want, need, and deserve, you just might be able to navigate the “cray” and come out of this with a healthy outlook, new approach, and a good sense of humor.

To those of you who have managed to find a good one, Mazel tov! To those of you like me that are still in the fray, don’t lose heart, your day is coming. And to you crazy ones out there who make things that much more interesting, may you find someone to balance your crazy for every yin needs a yang. Spank you very much and good night!

The Ultimatum

Staff writer Stephany Salinas covers the topic of ultimatums in relationships. Have you experienced a relationship ultimatum either giving or receiving one? 

 

As a girl, my patience in relationships has been tested in almost every single form. Whether it’s waiting for the guy to make the first move, waiting for him to make it official, or waiting on him to follow through with one of the 93473 promises he has made. I’ll admit, I’ve been a fool before and have stuck around when I shouldn’t have, and although back then I would have considered it a waste of time, I know now that none of it was. When you wait for someone and are willing to be patient and stick it out, it’s a sign that you genuinely care about him (not to say that giving up means you don’t care). There has been a few times where I have left someone behind, not for lack of interest on my part, but for lack of effort on his.

That being said, I’ve heard girls constantly talk about “ultimatums”. As in, “He needs to decide what he wants now or I’m out!”

Granted, at first, I understood where these girls were coming from. Hell, I was there a few years ago. The guy I had been dating for almost a year was at a point where he was unsure of what he wanted. So, I did what these girls were talking about and gave him an ultimatum. You either love me and want to be with me, or you don’t. I put him on the spot, and when he took too long to answer, I told him we were done. Granted, I was 18 and there’s a very good chance this wasn’t the guy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, I will admit that it wasn’t the best way to go about things. I cared about him a lot. He was my first love, and I threw that away because he took a few seconds too long to answer my question. It was mainly out of anger and annoyance that I put him in that position in the first place. But the fact that I was able to so quickly throw that ultimatum out there made me question myself:

If I “loved” him so much, why would I risk throwing our relationship away?

When you’re a girl who is pursued often (and honestly..most girls are often pursued), it’s sometimes easy to want to call it quits on the guy who isn’t making a move or putting forth effort and go on to the next. However, that mentality is also a sign that you’re most likely not into this guy in the first place. If it’s that easy to give someone an ultimatum, that goes to show that you’re not as into him as you think you are. If you were, would you be willing to risk what you do have?

Trust me, if you’ve been seeing a guy for a while, and he shows no intentions of making it official, there’s a very good chance it’s not going to happen. A light bulb isn’t going to suddenly go off in his head, and he’s not going to all of a sudden realize he needs you to be his girlfriend. Here is when you decide whether you’re okay with that, or not. If not, then move on sweetheart. No ultimatum is needed. A man would move mountains to be with the girl he actually wants to be with. If he wants you to be his, he will make sure that happens. By giving a guy an ultimatum, you are A) forcing him into breaking it off with you (no one really wins), or B) forcing him into a relationship with you.

Honestly, would you really want to be in a relationship with a guy who you basically ordered to ask you out? I would hope not, because that’s already a rocky start to a relationship.

Ask yourself this: Do you want to be in a relationship with this guy, or do you want to be in A relationship…period? If it’s the latter, that’s the reason it’s so easy for you to give him an ultimatum. You’re chasing a relationship, a title, and whether or not it’s with this guy isn’t really that important to you. NOW, if you genuinely want to be in a relationship with HIM, then why are you in such a hurry for him to make a decision? Are you unhappy with the way things are going right now? Is the title the only thing that would change if he was indeed your “boyfriend”? Is it the title that you’re actually going after?

This is something I’ve been back and forth about myself. As much as I want to have the whole, “titles shouldn’t matter” attitude, I’m only a woman. Having that title means a guy wants you to be his, and is proud to have you as his, and that’s what most women want. I’ve been tempted myself to give men ultimatums and make them choose whether or not they want to be with me. It’s easy to fall into that type of mentality. HOWEVER, the reason I haven’t done it since age 18 is because I’m never willing to throw away what I do have with someone. I’m telling you right now that pressuring him into making a sudden decision is NOT the way to go about it. Personally, and this is just my preference, I would rather be with someone unofficially that I genuinely enjoy being around, than having a title with someone I don’t care about as much. As much as being someone’s girlfriend is great, I’ve been in some pretty terrible relationships where the “boyfriend” title has meant absolutely nothing. I’ve also been in “non-official relationships” that have been better than the “official” ones. The dating world is completely different nowadays. If the “title” was taken off the table completely, I bet more people would know exactly what they wanted, and whom they wanted.

That being said, instead of telling that guy you’ve been seeing that he needs to choose now or leave you alone, you should express what’s on your mind. Honesty and communication, darling. I can’t stress that enough. When and if you’ve reached the point where you think what you have is a waste of time and would like to have a chance to be with someone who would like to be official with you (and it’s not wrong of you to think that way. You deserve to be with someone who wants to call you his or hers), then communicate that to him. Tell him that you don’t feel like he’s as into it, and that you’re looking for more. A couple things will happen at this point. 1) He’ll realize you want more. He may have been waiting for you to say something this whole time. 2) He’ll know he can’t give you what you want, and will be relieved that you aren’t making him out to be an ass for not wanting to be in a relationship. This isn’t an ultimatum; this is you giving him a chance to think about what he wants without putting pressure on him.

 

At this point, if you’re still convinced you NEED to give him an ultimatum, consider this question before you do: Are you willing to risk throwing away whatever you do have just for a title change?

 

Steady On

 

This is a poem I wrote nearly 2 years ago after a break-up with my last boyfriend. The first part I wrote and one of my good friends finished it with the second part of the poem. Can you relate?

 

 

I’m moving forward

Cause nothing else matters

I’m doing things one day at a time

Because I can’t predict the future

I choose to live in hope

Because hope is precious

I will be strong

Because I won’t accept less

We do what’s necessary

We all must make a stand.

 

 

Taking steps

Advancing towards another place

It’s one foot at a time

[After the first arduous step]

We base our futures off of past

And off of present

When all that is is present

Past is a thought of memory

And future

A thought of anticipation

Of assumption and prediction

Let go

It is the truest strength

To stand alone

Nothing is necessary

And everything is nothing

When An Ex Calls

Staff writer Rigby Rat’s post for this week discusses what might happen when an ex becomes a blip on the radar again and tries to be more. Have you had a “when an ex calls” moment?
If you’re in a relationship and the ex calls, don’t answer.  Why?  Because the ex wants something.  What?  Usually, to get back together with you.  Why?  More than likely his/her relationship just ended and he/she thinks you’re fool enough to fall for his/her chicanery while he/she sits and waits at the curb.

The ex’s drill will be:  “I miss you.  I love you.  We had a really good thing.  Can I see you?  Blah, blah, blah.”

Unless the back of your shirt says ACME GARBAGE DISPOSAL, like I said, don’t answer the phone.  Leave him/her at the curb for some other dope to scrape up.  And if you just had a fight with your mate and you’re angry and feel tempted to talk with the ex – I have two words for you – grow up.

When an ex calls, he/she is not thinking about you.  He/she is only thinking about his/her sorry, lonely ass.  In addition, the ex has no respect for you, for your lover, or your relationship.  Is this REALLY the kind of louse you want to talk with?  One that’s going to ruin your life and eventually send YOU to the curb one day?  I thought not.

Advice: When it comes to an ex, never go backwards to move forward.

And remember: If the ex was that good for you, you’d still be together.

Why Rush?


Staff writer Frank Friedlander‘s post for this week covers ways to figure out the type of person and relationship you’re with after the honeymoon stage.

There comes a point in every relationship when things may be progressing well, but has come to the point of starting to dig beyond the surface. Although the courtship stage may still be in effect and the connection is certainly there, the relationship hits a shit or get off the pot stage; it’s always good to get a more in depth idea of what type of personality to expect once the pixie dust has worn off. The Prince might not necessarily be a frog, and Cinderella won’t always wind up being a burned out scullery maid; but throughout the early stages of a relationship, people are going to progressively morph into the person you can expect to be with in the long run.

 

While there’s a lot to be said for enjoying the honeymoon phase while it lasts, it’s also not unreasonable to desire some degree of insight as to the type of personality that you’ll ultimately end up with. If you are the type that wants to bypass the wait and get a glimpse into the future, I have concocted a simple and legal method of doing so; one which will not likely come back to haunt you, as snooping and Facebook stalking can. Just give them an impromptu driver’s test.

 

I’m sure that at one point in our lives, we’ve all taken a driver’s test. Maybe it was five years ago, maybe ten, maybe much longer. I’m also sure that when we took our driver’s test, we were very cautious to do everything by the book so that we could pass the test, get our license, and then be free to drive as carefully or recklessly as we please. Similarly, when interested in parlaying a few dates into a long-term relationship, our overall temperament is quite different from what can be expected of us as a whole. Here, you are following a series of rules or regulations, some of which you will continue to follow, others which will be cast out the window as soon as you feel comfortable enough doing so.

 

What I am proposing is to get an idea of what happens when they are not following these rules or regulations, and it’s quite simple, really. Regardless of how calm and carefree someone may seem on the surface, there is one situation in which one’s true colors have a habit of shining through; I’m speaking of rush hour traffic. Allow me to explain the various scenarios, and what they often mean in regards to the driver’s overall temperament:

 

Too Slow

Many highways will have signs posted which read one simple instruction: “Slower Traffic Keep Right.” While many truck drivers and elderly women ignore this sign, it’s generally a courtesy to those who actually have someplace to be that if you can’t keep up with the flow of traffic, don’t gum it up. While I understand that there are those who may not feel comfortable on a busy road, they should really follow this rule. If you’re on the freeway with a driver who does not follow this rule, there’s a good chance that they may be on the selfish or inconsiderate side, though they may not be aware of this. They’re not bad people, but they could really learn a thing or two when it comes to etiquette. This type of behavior is in fact fixable, assuming that you are willing to approach them about the nature of the problem.

 

On the other hand, there are those who drive too slow and are considerate enough to remain in the right lane allowing everyone to pass them as they proceed at their own pace. Sometimes it’s due to indecisiveness; but at other times, it’s because they’re simply the meek and mild mannered mentioned earlier. If you’re the dominant type, and are attracted to the submissive type, this relationship should work out well for both sides. On the other hand, if meek and mild mannered isn’t your thing, it might not work out so well.

 

Too Fast

On the other side of the spectrum, there’s the driver who’s hell bent on zipping down the freeway, regardless of how many cars may be between them and their destination. Sometimes they’re in a hurry, others they just want to go as fast as they can, and they can go about this in different ways.

 

One common way of doing this is to ride the motorist in front of them until they move out of the way, and then ride the next motorist until they get out of the way and repeat the process until nobody else is in their way. While this is not particularly dangerous (so long as they’re good with the brakes) this is a tell-tell sign that you’re dealing with a passive aggressive individual. Somebody who knows what they want, and they’re willing to strongly hint at it, though they won’t come out and ask for it, and certainly won’t exert themselves to get it.

 

Then, there’s the driver who zips from lane to lane all willy-nilly. Sometimes they’re at least considerate enough to signal their lane change, sometimes not. Those that don’t are the worst variety. Despite the fact that if anything, they stand to get to where they’re going about a minute or two sooner, they’re wiling to sacrifice the safety of themselves, whoever’s in the car with them, and anyone else who dares to get between them and the exit they’re looking for. You should probably try to avoid this type. A lot of the time they’re the successful types, driving a BMW or Mercedes who have gotten where they are by stepping on the heads of those in their way, without a care as to what happens to them once they’ve passed them up. Other times, they’re not remotely successful, and are just proud of their pimped out 2002 Celica. They may give out an aura of confidence. They may seem like the dangerous type, which is a turn on to some. However, in the long run, what matters to them are themselves and the agendas, and to hell with anything or anyone that gets in their way: this means you. Essentially, it’s like those that are attracted to the bad boys, and are left heartbroken when it turns that they’re…wait for it, a bad boy. If in the car with this type, once you finally get out of the car, kiss the ground a few times and make sure that you don’t get back in.

 

In Between

And then there are those who just move along, minding their own business. They go with the flow of traffic, not cutting anyone off, but occasionally getting around that little old lady from group one who refuse to keep right. This usually denotes an even keeled personality, and certainly doesn’t give off any notable warning signs. They just want to arrive at their destination safely, and ideally in as timely of a fashion as possible; even though they understand that this is rush hour, and there are other cars on the road, lots of them, and you can’t bypass everyone. They’re not perfect, nor are they striving to be. They’re not over aggressive, and they’re not unusually meek or indecisive. If you do put your partner to this test, and get on the highway during rush hour, this is who you ideally want to be driving the car. Congratulations.

 

But Wait!

Who says that you have to get on the freeway to begin with? Especially during rush hour, it’s never a pleasant ride. Even at the down hours, it’s still overpriced, and those tolls seem to go up a lot more often than they should. There are plenty of ways to go about getting somewhere, and no matter the destination, those loud, busy freeways are never the only game in town. One would think that more people would be aware of this, but as it turns out, very few seem to be. Those that are tend to have a more enjoyable ride, as do their passengers. Whether they have a good GPS service, or they simply know their way around, there are always the side streets. They may not always get you to your destination as quickly, but it’s a calmer, more relaxing ride, and the scenery tends to be a lot better. And shouldn’t that be what life’s all about? Sometimes the ride’s just as important as the destination, and in a successful relationship, this should always be the case. Be happy. Enjoy one another, and when you get there, you get there. Let rest of them have the freeway.

 

Being Dragged Down Memory Lane

One of the things that sucks after a break-up is the occurrence of the ex giving you a discourse of your relationship’s past. You’ve already had the talks, you’ve rehashed it in your mind, you’ve rehashed it with friends and family members until you’ve finally at least in your own exorcised the ghost of your relationship. You’ve started to move on to your present future post-significant other and all is starting to be calm again;but then, BAM!, your ex dive bombs you with “remember when’s”. What makes this bad is that more times than not, THEIR memories are not YOUR memories. In hindsight, if we’re lucky, we see things that give us good lessons for the future; but usual when someone drags you down their memory lane, it’s usually for selfish reasons and not selfless flattery of your good points. When it comes to “ex memory lane”, it’s usual best that it’s a solitary journey. You can remember the relationship, come to your own conclusions about those memories and allow yourself to move on; but if you share the journey with the ex, it’s usually going to be bad road and unnecessary heartbreak. As I mentioned in my post, ” Forbidden Fruit: The Ex Factor”, it’s usually a bad idea to go through a bunch of ‘what ifs’ with break-ups. You broke up for a reason; it’s playing with fire to go down that road because you usually only remember the good parts instead of ALL the parts. While I won’t say memory lane won’t lead to a happy ending, I will leave you all with this caution: if you choose to travel down ” ex memory lane”, do so at your own risk and with eyes, mind, and heart working together.

Dreams Most Shattered

We’ve all been through heartache at one time or another. Broken dreams like broken hearts can leave a stain leaving us to wonder “what next?”. We have to remember to pick up the pieces; for what are shattered pieces of an old dream can be the starting pieces of a new one.

 

I’ve tried to be brave

To love the unlovable

I’ve tried to be strong

To be a support

I wanted love

I got pain

I wanted understanding

I got blame

I needed affection

I settled for rarely

I needed security

I settled for maybe

I worked hard for us

I lost myself.