When it comes to finding “the one”, some choose to go about it as a practice makes perfect endeavor and date as many people as possible until one of them feels just right. Others choose to wait for the right one to find them as if every person has a homing device just waiting to be tracked. When it comes to dating, does it always have to be quantity vs. quality or can these things sometimes go hand in hand? New staff writer Stephen Hyde discusses the topic of quality over quantity from a personal side.
I am in the midst of a serious problem with relationships. This might seem a borderline inappropriate opener for a blog that has great advice and nuggets of information for relationships. It’s the truth though, and the problem is the idea of waiting. Waiting for the perfect person to come into my life, waiting for signs, waiting for the proverbial slap to wake up. I blame America. We are a culture waterboarded with ideals that we may not have had previous for what we look for. Passing blame and pointing fingers is only a front, because with patience, we are all capable of filtering through our justifications to find our perfect person.
The biggest disservice one can do themselves is dishonesty. I don’t believe you can ever fully lie to yourself. You can justify your thoughts and actions and push back how you really feel all the way back to the deepest, darkest part of your brain. At the end of the day though, you knew how you really felt or what you should have done. I bring this up not as the moral police, ready to use “necessary” force to shove honesty down your throat with my baton of literature, but as a warning. A warning that if you lie to yourself, you will miss out on a great relationship.
I have become Fletcher, from Liar Liar in my own life. I am trying so hard to lie to myself , to just slightly bend the truth as to get what I “want“. Like Fletcher though, I can’t. I have become impatient in the dating scene, giving the quality vs. quantity a real Mythbusters type challenge. I believe that if I were to date enough good people, I can find my perfect partner. This may work, but I’m not only impatient, I am dishonest with myself. I am looking for people with qualities the world would approve of, qualities that my friends and peers would say, “good for him”. I’m not checking for what I genuinely would like. This my dear friends, is the reason I had to take a step back and take a deep breath.
On paper, dating multiple people in quick succession might seem a logical way to quickly find your soul mate. When you really think about it, you would never hear of anyone who “quickly” found their soul mate. The only things you quickly find is regret when you start to do that. Being patient and letting life do it’s thing is how you come across people you want to be with, friends or soul mates. Do the things you honestly love doing, not what people want you to do, or think you have to do. There are 6+ billion people on this planet. Chances are there is someone who is as into the things you love as you are.
Going from frantically searching like a sailor for land, to a calm accepting person of whatever or whomever comes my way has proven fruitful. By not forcing the hand of God, fate, the universe or whatever, I have discovered everything will be ok. People’s feelings will now not be hurt because im rushing, trying to find my perfect person. I have discovered being patient and honest allows me to evaluate situations more clearly before acting. I continue to do the things I enjoy, surround myself with genuine people and I am sure the person who is most in sync with me will find me or be found through simple honesty and patience.