Sometimes boyfriends are made through a series of dates and others are made through an instant connection after one date. Staff writer Rachel Brownjohn discusses the latter known as the “insta-boyfriend”. Ladies, have you ever had an “inst-boyfriend”? Or guys, have you ever been the “insta-boyfriend”?
Are you a fan of Instant Oatmeal? Does that immediate gratification that a piping hot cup of Keurig coffee make you salivate? Does the idea of Amazon’s new same day delivery make you want to die of happiness? Then an Insta-Boyfriend may be for you.
Let me explain. My roommates and I have adopted a bit of a lingo together – we collectively date a BUNCH and so have created a vocabulary to jargonize the events of an evening and make that post date run down snappy. Fanboy, vaguely homeless, bro-ey, gay-straight, these are just a few. But my personal favorite (today) is the Insta-Boyfriend.
This is the boy who immediately follows up after a great first date, with whom no real time passes before a second date is planned, and within days you two are sharing inside jokes and accompanying one another on darling mini-adventures. Insta-boyfriends are basically the best.
With an Insta-Boyfriend the usual worrying and analyzing that go hand in hand with standard grown up style courtships are thrown by the wayside, and the two of you skip happily into coupledom. No concerns about whether the two of you are at the point where you can send him the ridiculous picture you just took of your boss flying a toy helicopter covertly(ish) around the office. You know he’s gonna love it because he has instantly enjoyed the heck out of your company. He hasn’t left you guessing about it. He likes you, you like him, cue merrily skipping into the sunset.
Note: If you (continue to) date an Insta-Boyfriend you get to be an Insta-Girlfriend too. If you (like me) really enjoy doing girlfriendy stuff like running errands together and making up pet names and sending each other well crafted witty emails with pictures you’ve expertly captured from Google images, then by golly you’ve hit the jackpot. I’ve had three Insta-Boyfriends in my time, and I dated two of them for over a year. As I see it, if you hit the ground running things move fast, those two stayed serious. But one fizzled out after a month or so – and it was crushing.
I feel I’ve been through some pretty solid heart breaks, break ups where real plans had been made and were now cancelled. The pain that I felt in those was beyond crippling, I genuinely felt as if I would never breathe again. But the pain of that last Insta-Boyfriend was different. I went about my life as usual, after all we’d barely been seeing each other. But the mini-heart break of a promised love being ripped away before it could really develop was like a splinter in my heart.
I’ve often thought that maybe the miniature heart breaks are the ones that hurt in the most specific way. A broken leg is heavily medicated – the pain validated, understood, cared for. But a paper cut hurts in a much more pointed way. For the most part you don’t feel it until something runs across that place, and that tiny slice of pain, for a moment, consumes you. If you start at a sprint and fall on your face in the first 100 yards, the skid hurts so differently than the ache of muscles at the end of a marathon. It’s a pointed pain, sharp and hard.
But is that pain worth avoiding the Insta-Boyfriend? I guess that’s really up to you. For me, that feeling of being instantly connected is worth it. And if it doesn’t work out, I can write always write some really angsty hate poetry.
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