The Insta-Boyfriend

Sometimes boyfriends are made through a series of dates and others are made through an instant connection after one date. Staff writer Rachel Brownjohn discusses the latter known as the “insta-boyfriend”. Ladies, have you ever had an “inst-boyfriend”? Or guys, have you ever been the “insta-boyfriend”?

Are you a fan of Instant Oatmeal? Does that immediate gratification that a piping hot cup of Keurig
coffee make you salivate? Does the idea of Amazon’s new same day delivery make you want to die of
happiness? Then an Insta-Boyfriend may be for you.

Let me explain. My roommates and I have adopted a bit of a lingo together – we collectively date a
BUNCH and so have created a vocabulary to jargonize the events of an evening and make that post date
run down snappy. Fanboy, vaguely homeless, bro-ey, gay-straight, these are just a few. But my personal
favorite (today) is the Insta-Boyfriend.

This is the boy who immediately follows up after a great first date, with whom no real time passes
before a second date is planned, and within days you two are sharing inside jokes and accompanying
one another on darling mini-adventures. Insta-boyfriends are basically the best.

With an Insta-Boyfriend the usual worrying and analyzing that go hand in hand with standard grown
up style courtships are thrown by the wayside, and the two of you skip happily into coupledom. No
concerns about whether the two of you are at the point where you can send him the ridiculous picture
you just took of your boss flying a toy helicopter covertly(ish) around the office. You know he’s gonna
love it because he has instantly enjoyed the heck out of your company. He hasn’t left you guessing
about it. He likes you, you like him, cue merrily skipping into the sunset.

Note: If you (continue to) date an Insta-Boyfriend you get to be an Insta-Girlfriend too. If you (like me)
really enjoy doing girlfriendy stuff like running errands together and making up pet names and sending
each other well crafted witty emails with pictures you’ve expertly captured from Google images, then
by golly you’ve hit the jackpot. I’ve had three Insta-Boyfriends in my time, and I dated two of them for
over a year. As I see it, if you hit the ground running things move fast, those two stayed serious. But one
fizzled out after a month or so – and it was crushing.

I feel I’ve been through some pretty solid heart breaks, break ups where real plans had been made and
were now cancelled. The pain that I felt in those was beyond crippling, I genuinely felt as if I would never
breathe again. But the pain of that last Insta-Boyfriend was different. I went about my life as usual, after
all we’d barely been seeing each other. But the mini-heart break of a promised love being ripped away
before it could really develop was like a splinter in my heart.

I’ve often thought that maybe the miniature heart breaks are the ones that hurt in the most specific
way. A broken leg is heavily medicated – the pain validated, understood, cared for. But a paper cut hurts
in a much more pointed way. For the most part you don’t feel it until something runs across that place,
and that tiny slice of pain, for a moment, consumes you. If you start at a sprint and fall on your face in
the first 100 yards, the skid hurts so differently than the ache of muscles at the end of a marathon. It’s a
pointed pain, sharp and hard.

But is that pain worth avoiding the Insta-Boyfriend? I guess that’s really up to you. For me, that feeling
of being instantly connected is worth it. And if it doesn’t work out, I can write always write some really
angsty hate poetry.

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2 thoughts on “The Insta-Boyfriend

  1. Come to think of it, most of my relationships would be classified as an instant girlfriend. I normally try to form a connection pretty quick with a girl by being open and honest about dreams, hopes, fears etc. This makes for a quick connection, quick sex, and an instant girlfriend.

    But recently I’ve made friends with a girl who has a bf and we’re just friends, and I can appreciate the notion of taking things slow.

    • Sometimes we forget that taking things slow can help us in figuring out whether the person we’re with is a keeper without accelerating the natural flow of the relationship and making things messy and awkward. Thanks for commenting!

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