One important thing to know in any relationship is knowing how to fight. Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but fighting is futile if it is only for the sake of it. Have a clear reason for fighting and a solution you want reached or at least a compromise you’re willing to accept. This latest post by staff writer Sophia Horwich shares advice on how to do just that.
Fighting. Bickering. Snapping at each other. We all do it. We do it with our best friends, our family, and especially our other halves. The big difference is, when you fight with the person you’re in a relationship with, there is more riding on it. Unlike family and friends (who are said to be one’s chosen family), when you fight with the one you love, it feels like rejection. Like that person is telling you what you’re doing is wrong, and it feels like a low blow, no matter what they are saying, and whether it is right or not.
Now while it would be nice, there is no way to avoid fighting. It’s impossible. There is, however, a right and a wrong way to fight. Knowing how to fight with the person you love is one of the single most important skills you will have in a relationship, no matter what kind.
When that dreaded moment happens where one of you slips and arguing breaks out, there are many things you should ask yourself:
Are we fighting because of an issue within our relationship, or is this because of something else going on in our own lives?
Is this worth it?
Am I being fair? Are they being fair?
After you’ve asked yourself these questions, you may find that you still feel the need to continue. That’s OKAY. The key is remembering that if you want them to hear what you’re saying, you need to listen to them too. Saying things like, “I feel…” and, “That’s a good point…” helps, because they feel heard, even when they are riled up. It’s hard to do when you are angry, and sometimes feels silly, but if you don’t damage is done to both parties that could’ve been avoided easily.
The key is being honest, with yourself and your partner. No one’s perfect, and you WILL say things you’ll regret, or even things you don’t mean. The key is preventing as much of it as possible, and righting the wrongs when you realize they’ve happened. If you can do these things, you’ll find you don’t dread disagreements. You might even welcome them, because they solve problems. Being in love doesn’t mean you will always agree or feel the same way. In fact, if you truly trust each other, you should be able to push them when you feel necessary, and call them out. But remember that when the same happens to you, it’s a two-way street!
Be kind to each other. Remember in that moment that if you make it through, it will be all the better. No one can ever avoid fighting, but knowing how to fight, well that’s the secret no one tells you.
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