Women and Our Obsession With Being “The Exception”

We all want to feel special, unique even. We might not always want to stand out from the crowd. but when it comes to someone we’re interested in romantically and especially a significant other, we WANT to stand out in their mind and blot out anyone who has come before. Staff writer Stephany Salinas goes more in-depth with this subject in this week’s blog post. Send us your comments and let us know what you think!

Exception: A thing or action that is not part of ordinary standards or operations.

As a woman, you aim to be anything but ordinary. Whether it’s being a fashionista, excelling at school, or anything else to prove to society that hey, I’m not your average girl. I’m above ordinary. I’m extraordinary.

That NEED to be “different” makes us all the same. With that, we become a stereotype. The awful, dreaded, stereotype.

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule”. – Greg Behrendt

Hollywood has brainwashed girls into thinking that “the bad boy” is actually in search of the love of his life, and you could be the one to save him. I can tell you right now, that [[most]] women dream of one day being the exception. Being the girl who did what no other girl in his life managed to do; whether that means fixing his broken heart, sticking around through tough times, or whatever else you stuck around for. We become drawn to guys who seem broken or “need” us. You get this idea in your head that he’s treating you like crap because he’s interested, or because he’s just a broken soul. Then you start making excuses and try to justify his actions and twist them into something that was never even there, all because you assume he needs you.

Is it something in our genes that make us go crazy (the good kind) when a guy tells us he “needs” us? Must be.

This I know from personal experience.  I dated someone who told me that I could be the one to “save” him. Keep in mind, this was a close friend who I was never attracted to. But from the minute he uttered those words, I was blind. Suddenly, I felt like I HAD to be there for him. He was depending on me, and I felt like I owed it to him to be there. I ignored every awful characteristic he had, because he “needed” me. How could I give up on that? No other girl could make him feel the way I did, and no other girl was willing to try. I initially fell hard, because I felt needed. I sat through all his lies, scumbag habits, and put up with being treated like garbage. Why? He loved me, when he supposedly couldn’t love anybody else. He was constantly telling me that I was different, unlike every other girl out there. For once, I was the exception.

Wrong. In reality, it’s because he was a grade A jerk, and no other girl had the patience to “fix” him. Had I been the exception, I wouldn’t have been treated the way I did. “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a s–t, he genuinely doesn’t give a s–t”. I can see that now, because the part of me that wanted so badly to be the exception, is gone.

Old habits die hard, and trying not to get sucked back into that mentality can get exhausting. I’m a romantic, and somewhat of a dreamer. I always have been, so the whole epic love story mentality is something that is hard to get away from. Have I lost it completely? Absolutely not. I would never completely lose faith in anything, especially that. But when it comes to the real world of dating, I no longer have expectations, and have stopped reading “the signs”. As a girl, this is extremely difficult, considering this is all we’ve done and seen our whole lives. With practice, however, it’s quite possible, and I highly recommend it. When and if a guy tells me that I’m “different from the rest”, I simply say thank you and move on from that topic. It’s hard not to fall into the Hollywood love story mindset and get caught up in words, but with experience you learn that when you fall, it’s most likely going to hurt. I learned the hard way, but I learned. I got hurt, but I got back up, and now I know better. Words only get you so far, so in order for me to genuinely feel like I’m the exception, I’m going to need a guy to prove to me that he’s my exception, too.

Keep in mind, I don’t want to discourage any woman from thinking that they’re a special kind of gal. Will you be the exception one day? Maybe. It’s entirely possible. But don’t go through every relationship thinking that you’re different. Don’t go around saying, “I’m not like other girls”, because you sound just like every other girl. If you have to explain to people that you’re different, unique, or an exception, I have news for you sweetheart, you’re not. So the next time a man tells you that “you’re the exception”, don’t be so quick to believe it. It’s one of the most common and effective lies someone will ever use on you. It’s a successful form of control. Don’t let it blind you, because that will weaken you. And remember, there’s a difference between compromise and weakness.

And if one day you are indeed “the exception”, he won’t have to tell you. He’ll show it in his actions. If you’re different from all the other girls, he’ll treat you differently.

If you’re the exception, you’ll know. 

If you enjoyed this post, come check out the rest of the blog for other great posts and daily quotes! Subscribe to the blog to get updates whenever something new is posted. Get friendly with us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Pinterest!

 

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