The Five Minute Bailout, Or I’d Rather Be In My Pajamas

Every woman has either needed this bailout or has been an accomplice in pulling one of when a friend is on a date from hell. Staff writer Rachel Brownjohn gives us her bailout plan as an example of how to get out of a sticky date situation. Give us your thoughts and tell us about your date bailout plan!

Do you have an emergency call? My roommates and I have a code word we can text each other for a “get out of jail free card,” so to speak. Only it isn’t for getting out of jail, it’s for getting out a bad date. All we have to do is send a text with the magic word, and a frantic phone call – or series of phone calls, as the situation requires, is on its way in a matter of seconds. Within minutes we can be on our way back home where we can kick off our heels, put up our hair, and thank our lucky stars (and our roomie, of course) that we are no longer on that miserable date.
We’ve yet to enact the code word, though I don’t doubt that it would absolutely work. But I think that, by now, guys sort of get what’s going on when that happens. Don’t they? And I just can’t get past how awful that would feel! To know that someone wanted to get away from spending time with you so badly they faked an emergency! I’d die. I’d rather be on the date than know that someone had to go home feeling that way.
But in this grown up world where we go on dates with people we barely know, it seems like there should be some sort of bail out time frame. Especially when it’s a setup, or an online match (guilty… I know, ugh, but 1 in 3 couples meets online! I could be a third! *), or even just drinks with someone you met on the sidewalk (it happens). With these people we don’t already have a history with, people that we don’t already know we would like to spend more than 5 minutes with; there should be an exit strategy where no one gets hurt.
I know I can’t be the only person that has known in the first few minutes that there wouldn’t be a second date. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just save each other the time, and the money, and the worry! Why try and make conversation and pay for a dinner with a stranger you won’t see again! If this date is headed straight to nowhere, I could be at home in my pajamas, and so could they! Win, win!
Here’s my proposal: The Five Minute Bail Out, which will go a little somethin’ like this: 1) Meet outside the restaurant (weather permitting), or at the bar — Pay for your own drinks. I always feel like a huge jerk when a guy I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to work out with buys me drinks, even when I stay for the whole date. 2) Chat for five minutes! — This, I’m sure, is the whole idea behind speed dating; which I haven’t tried, but now I kind of want to, like a lot. 3) Excuse yourselves — Go to the restroom, smoke a cigarette, call your Grandma! Whatever floats your boat! 4) If you’re still interested, meet back up at the hostess stand after a 3 minute grace period. Voilah. I feel like this could be a thing. Think of the time you’ll save! The money! The anecdotes! There is nothing I hate more than wasting a perfectly charming anecdote.
Obviously this isn’t problem free. You could find out forty minutes in that they are married, or that they can’t pronounce supposedly, or that they say whom when it should be who (these are my deal breakers, sue me). But I have to believe that the casualties of time would be greatly reduced with the five minute bail out. Who’s with me!
*I may have made up that statistic.

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