This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat makes valid points about when being obliging goes from making you sweet and thoughtful to being a doormat. Sound off with your thoughts!
Because you allow her to.
Are you one of those chumps who says “yes” to her all the time? Do you say “yes” because you think she’ll like you better? Love you more deeply?
If you are one of those chumps, know this: saying “yes” all the time teaches her three things:
1. That you’re weak.
2. That you allow her to take advantage of you.
3. That her desires come first, not yours.
To show her that you’re not a chump, never say “yes” if your heart isn’t in it. But don’t say “no” either. The word “no” is the most frustrating word to hear over and over again. (Just ask a toddler whose mother is introducing her to the terrible twos.) Also, just saying “no” doesn’t provide back story. Always provide back story. When you provide back story, you are also providing understanding. With understanding, she will be more agreeable to your desires.
For example: She wants to watch the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. You’d rather cut your right testicle off than eyeball a chick flick. You say, “Hon, I have no patience for chick flicks. What about something we both can enjoy and talk about”?
The backstory in the above example is that you have no patience for chick flicks. She might have no patience for horror movies. Therefore, she can relate and understand your hesitancy. She suggests Rear Window (your favorite); you make the popcorn, she turns off the cell phone.
When you give a woman everything her little heart desires, her expectation will be that she’ll always get what she wants. Are you sure you can maintain that expectation throughout your relationship? Are you sure you want to maintain that expectation throughout your relationship? And what happens when, one day, you want her to say “yes” and she blows you off? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen: you’re going to feel used, taken advantage of, and you’re going to feel like a chump.
So, always keep it real. Meaning: nice guys finish last, and a guy with no ulterior motive has no fear of expressing his yearnings.