This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat talks about manipulation in relationships. Just because you claim to love someone, it doesn’t mean that you own them or their emotions and responses. What are some of the manipulative statements that you’ve been given?
First, you can’t be manipulated unless you allow it. Second, manipulators are not born, they are created by their parents. What is a manipulator? A person with a boat-load of inadequacies. Ergo, manipulators need serious couch time. How do you recognize a manipulator? That’s easy. A manipulator uses fear, guilt, pity, abuse, compliments, bravado, and the dreaded silent treatment to get what he wants. He will also attack your self-esteem, attack your intelligence, play with your heartstrings, and play with your emotions.
Some examples of manipulative statements:
1. “If you don’t go to the prom with me, I’m going to take my mother’s sleeping pills.”
2. “If you really loved me, you’d give me a blowjob.
3. “I buy you dinner and now you won’t put out? You’re a tease, lady.”
4. “I drove you to the mall, you can’t shoplift a lousy CD for me?”
5. “I can’t do anything right.”
6. “Nice ass. Want to sit on my lap?”
7. “Only stupid people don’t smoke pot.”
8. “I work six days a week, the least you can do is get me a beer.”
9. “Why won’t you answer a simple question? Huh? Just answer one question, dummy? Are you stupid, dummy? Can’t you think, dummy? Don’t you have a brain, dummy? Are you so stupid you can’t answer a simple question, dummy? I can email you all day long, dummy…is that what you want, dummy?”
10. If you go to Yale instead of Shimer College (www.shimer.edu), I’ll buy you a new car.
11. You’re so smart. I wish I could do my own taxes.
How should you handle a manipulator? Pay very close attention to what he says. If what he says – or wants you to do – affects you in a negative way, or makes you feel anything less than comfortable and happy, confront him. What should you say? The truth: “That was a manipulative statement.” or “That was a manipulative act.” Showing a manipulator that you will not stand for his manipulation is very empowering. If you just started dating a manipulator, drop him. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship and have just realized you’re living with a manipulator, you can’t ﬁx him. Only a professional can do that. When someone truly loves and cares about you, he doesn’t resort to manipulation.
The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control by Dorothy McCoy, Ed.D http://www.amazon.com/The-Manipulative-Man-Identify-Behavior/dp/1593376235
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