First Date? Ixnay on the Itchbay, Bro.

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat gives us some of the major no-no’s a guy should never do on a first date. Guys, you’ve officially been warned. 

The biggest fear a guy has on a first date is saying or doing something that will cause her to not want to see him again.  Here are five cardinal sins guys commit on the first date and why they shouldn’t make them.

The number one colossal cardinal sin is blabbing about your last date, previous girlfriends, or the centerfold who dumped you.  When you talk about Miss February and the rest of the orts, we assume you’re a washout with women.  Only losers talk about what was, and with whom.  So, ixnay on the itchbay(s).  Capisce? Instead, confab about what is: the idea of fate among the early Greek thinkers, why you became a lacto-vegetarian, or why your dog has three legs.

The next transgressions are premature puckering and over active lunch hooks.  Never kiss a woman on the first date,  never hold her hand, fondle, or embrace her.  Touch is the ultimate form of intimacy shared between lovers, not two people awkwardly attempting to get to know one another over a couple of Molsons.  If you like her, just tell her.  Don’t be esoteric.  Say what you mean.  KISS: keep it simple stupid.  Say something like, “I really enjoyed your company.”   She’ll say the same if the feeling is mutual.

The third atrocity is lying.  NEVER lie.  Lies cause arguments, mistrust, and women to spit ice cubes between the sheets.  If you lied (big, little, or white) to your previous girlfriend, realize this – the woman sitting across from you is not your ex.  She is new.  And different.  Take the time to observe and learn what this sexy, exciting babe is about and treat her accordingly.  So, when she asks if you used a condom, and you didn’t just one time, tell the truth.  If you lie and say you used a condom every time, and several months later when you’re ready to take things to the next level and she gets an STD, you’ll lose her respect, and her.  Can you say ignoramus?

The fourth no-no is putting on the moan (a.k.a. whining).  Whining should be left to small children and female cliques.  That means, we don’t want to hear how you hate your boss, wish you owned a Ferrari Enzo, or how you scream like a little girl every time a spider crosses your path.  Why?  Because whining is not a sexy attribute.  So, no whining!  If you do feel the urge to grumble the night of your date, cancel it.  Then, hit the local strip club and find Jasmine.  She gets paid to shut up, listen, and not judge guys who piss and moan.

The final sin a guy makes on the first date – answering his cell phone.   Do I have to explain this one?   Yeah, I do.  Simply put, the lady wants and deserves your full, undivided attention.   Turn it off…if you want to turn her on.

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