Why Does She Take Advantage of Me?

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat makes valid points about when being obliging goes from making you sweet and thoughtful to being a doormat. Sound off with your thoughts!

Because you allow her to.

Are you one of those chumps who says “yes” to her all the time? Do you say “yes” because you think she’ll like you better? Love you more deeply?

If you are one of those chumps, know this: saying “yes” all the time teaches her three things:

1. That you’re weak.
2. That you allow her to take advantage of you.
3. That her desires come first, not yours.

To show her that you’re not a chump, never say “yes” if your heart isn’t in it. But don’t say “no” either. The word “no” is the most frustrating word to hear over and over again. (Just ask a toddler whose mother is introducing her to the terrible twos.) Also, just saying “no” doesn’t provide back story. Always provide back story. When you provide back story, you are also providing understanding. With understanding, she will be more agreeable to your desires.

For example: She wants to watch the Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. You’d rather cut your right testicle off than eyeball a chick flick. You say, “Hon, I have no patience for chick flicks. What about something we both can enjoy and talk about”?

The backstory in the above example is that you have no patience for chick flicks. She might have no patience for horror movies. Therefore, she can relate and understand your hesitancy. She suggests Rear Window (your favorite); you make the popcorn, she turns off the cell phone.

When you give a woman everything her little heart desires, her expectation will be that she’ll always get what she wants. Are you sure you can maintain that expectation throughout your relationship? Are you sure you want to maintain that expectation throughout your relationship? And what happens when, one day, you want her to say “yes” and she blows you off? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen: you’re going to feel used, taken advantage of, and you’re going to feel like a chump.

So, always keep it real. Meaning: nice guys finish last, and a guy with no ulterior motive has no fear of expressing his yearnings.

He Asked You What?

This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat gives prime example of how blind dates can go awry and the unreasonable expectations set by porn. Don’t get me wrong, sex is fabulous, but is a first or second date dinner really the appropriate place to discuss sexual preferences?

Before I tell you what he asked her, know this: I don’t believe your best friend from high school days should suggest you go out with a guy she knew from college. Why? Because she doesn’t REALLY know him. A friend is not the best judge of you – you are – and if the meet-up doesn’t work out, you’ll tell her and she’ll be compelled to chew him out like a mean-spirited busybody jacked up on Krispy Kreme doughnuts and peppermint white chocolate mocha.

So, there’s my gorgeous Art History teacher-friend and this guy having dinner at Annisa (annisarestaurant.com) in New York City. This is their second meet-up. During the meal he asks her: “Would you have anal sex?” Yes, he was talking about with him.

How does a socially awkward troll go from masticating Rabbit with Ramps and Japanese Curry to asking an inappropriate question during a normal social function? That’s easy. Instead of having a life, the troll watches Internet porn.

What is wrong with you guys? When it comes to scoring with women, stay the hell away from pornography. (See: Do Men Who Look at Pornography Make Bad Lovers?). Just because the coked-up “actress” making a hundred dollars a day in the basement of her pimp’s house takes it up her keister every time someone yells “Action!” in her face doesn’t mean your sexually psychotic fantasies are going to be fulfilled by a woman your friend suggested you meet.

So, how did my gorgeous Art History teacher-friend respond to porno Pete? Instead of getting mad, she got even. She asked porno Pete if he had a twelve-inch penis that could go all night. Embarrassed by her question, he quietly responded, “No.” He should have a twelve-inch penis, right? Because that’s what guys in porno movies are packing. And doesn’t every woman want what she sees in porno movies: twelve-inch penises that can go all night? And a guy with abs she can bounce a quarter off of? With runner’s thighs? Who has his red wings? And a tongue that’s as nimble as his fingers? And…and…and…