In a word, sex. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. He pays for the lodging, air fare, and the single room. In return, he expects you to have sex with him. You still want to board that jet?You hardly know him. He asks if you want to get away for a few days: the Caribbean. His treat. You think, “Wow, no hot-looking guy has ever whisked me away for the weekend. Wait till I tell my posse.”
You arrive at the hotel by noon, finish your oh-so-relaxing hot stone massage by 4:00, and take the last bite of your scrumptious dessert – Duckanoo – at 9:00. Before you head back to your room, he drinks a little too much at the hotel bar. In the lobby, a brunette wearing a tight, low-cut dress waits for the elevator. He smirks, salivates, and stares at her like an addled teenager hooked on porn sites and Gatorade. You suddenly realize, “In a little while, I’ll be lying in bed next to this jerk!”
Once inside your room, he asks, “You going to slip into something sexy, or what?” Then, he takes his shirt off revealing a back full of pimples. Now, you definitely don’t want to sleep with him. (He ain’t looking so hot now, is he?) You tell him, “I don’t know if I can do this”. That pushes his button because he’s been rejected before. Except, you don’t know that – because you don’t know him. Your thought is to get out of there fast, but you stupidly maxed out your credit cards. Even if you called your posse for funds, all the hotels are booked and the next flight isn’t until morning. You feel isolated. Trapped.
He roughly pushes you onto the bed. He forces his tongue down your throat. His breath smells like stale beer and onion rings. You decide, “It’ll be over soon.” Minutes later, you realize that you just had intercourse with a virtual stranger. You cry softly while your assailant sleeps soundly.
You ask, “What if I had been firm and said, ‘No, we’re not doing this’.” Sometimes that works, sometimes it makes matters worse. When you turn down the sexual advances of a man you don’t know, there’s a good chance he will feel rejected. Men whose sexual advances are rejected often become abusive or violent. So violent, they rape. Some even kill.
A friend of mine flew from New York to Vegas for a weekend with a guy she barely knew. They both worked for the same company – he in accounting, she in human resources. Before she went through security, I tried to convince her to either not go, or book her own room. She did neither. When I picked her up late Sunday evening at the airport, designer sunglasses were covering a black eye. He hit her because she wouldn’t perform oral sex. When I asked if she pressed charges she said, “No. He told me if I did, he’d make my life miserable at work. And Rig, I’ll never do anything like that again.” I put my arm around my friend, gave her a hug, and drove her home.
Nothing in life is free. Everything comes with a “price” and a lesson. However, you don’t necessarily have to “pay” for the lesson like my friend did. She decided – for the future – that she’s going to ask her posse for advice. Then she’s going to get out her spiral notebook with the flowers on it and write the pros and cons down. Finally, she’s going to use plain old common sense. Oh, and she wanted my readers to know this: “If you’re thinking about an all-expenses-paid romantic getaway, consider waiting for the right guy – a guy you know well, respect, and trust – a guy you would be proud to introduce to your spiritual advisor, your family, and especially one you would want to make love to over and over again.”