This is a subject that hit me after watching the SYFY show “Being Human”. This is a common exclamation from women and hits a little too close to home. Have you ever felt as you were someone you didn’t recognize anymore since you were in your relationship?
In the show’s scenario, Sally was reflecting on her relationship with her fiancé Danny and the circumstances surrounding red flag behaviors. She found that what she had felt was overwhelming passion for her and her love was really a dangerously jealous nature and a need to be in control of her. She found that her fiancé didn’t really love her. He loved the idea that she was his and that she was willing to do anything to please him. Sally, herself from what is teased about her as a person, is a strong and capable woman. She was ambitious about what she wanted in her life. But like so many other women, she met that one person who made her question whether her plans could still happen if she were in a relationship. Would she be selfish if she wanted to continue her plans for grad school or a huge internship if she had someone in her life whose life would be affected by these choices? And Sally like so many other women chose the man over herself and over time, in both subtle and large ways became a person she didn’t quite recognize. She let herself miss signs that had warned her of the dangers in not paying attention; and in the end, she lost herself and her life.
Not every situation ends this way, in some situations, the girl is okay with her decision to change the course of her future to match what her mate wants instead and it works out. In some yet more situations, the girl is okay with this decision at first; but at some point down the road, she comes to regret her decision and either stays in the relationship in resentment of an opportunity lost or she leaves and still maintains resentment and bitterness towards that man or relationships in general. The last situation is the girl who is blind or ignorant to the changes to herself and what she has sacrificed in the name of “love” and is so devoted to her mate that any deviation from what she has become to be in the relationship is seen as a betrayal of her mate and the relationship itself and spawns mistrust and sometimes even violence.
Sometimes the changes in our behaviors and even our core personality can be so subtle that we never even notice; other times, they can be so overt as to make us wonder “How did I get here? How did I become this person?” We have to remember to never lose our core selves. We can’t give up what essential makes us unique from any other person. True, in each relationship we go through some adjustment, but to change everything about ourselves to fit a mold of someone else’s making is a betrayal to ourselves.