My Life is Watching a Lifetime Movie

Staff writer LeeAnn Yops gives us a comical post about Lifetime and the lovely bond of hormones and crappy(but entertaining) tv.

 

I’ll admit it. I’m a 31 year old, single woman who watches Lifetime, regularly and sometimes not even ironically. Admitting it is the first step. For years, Lifetime provided entertainment for a hangover. I would watch Tori Spelling as a call girl and snicker through an ibuprofen and dehydrated daze. Then something changed. I started to seek out Lifetime movies on my own and then I started watching more than one per day. It turned out that I wasn’t the only one. A friend was once late for brunch because she got caught up in a Lifetime movie. Then I said “cheerleader movie” to another friend and without missing a beat she replied, “I DVR’d ‘Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal’ too.” It’s a common ground amongst women, kind of like menstrual synchrony. If you release enough pheromones, you won’t only bleed together; you’ll also watch crappy TV together. For the guys who are reading, congrats for making it this long and sorry for the period talk. I don’t Always do that, I’m just Play(tex)ing around.

 

Back to Lifetime, I blame my mom and sister. They didn’t watch Lifetime per se, but they used to watch the made for TV movies about babies switched at birth and cheating husbands with beds on fire. I needed to see what happened. Then when I was in high school there were made for TV movies I would watch about sorority sisters circling each other’s cellulite and sorority sisters sabotaging one another to be the lead singer of the band while wearing floral dresses with combat boots. These were really important issues. I needed to see what happened.

 

Now my Lifetime viewing goes in spurts. The beauty of On Demand is that it allows me to choose my Lifetime on my time. While watching a show about real life stories that became Lifetime movies, reruns of Dance Moms, and that show about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs, I see previews for new movies with Jessie Spano and Rob Lowe (with or without a mustache). My friends and I will talk about the movies and set dates to watch them together while eating as many carbs as possible within a 2-hour timeframe. I’ll even set online dates with a friend back home where we drink wine and Facebook chat about how dumb the Lifetime movie is. Not sure if it’s the sheer absurdity that keeps us coming back or the camaraderie, either way I’ll keep watching. After all, I need to learn how to seduce a student once I become a hot teacher that was formerly involved in prostitution ring that started out as a pregnancy pact.

 

 

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