This week’s post by staff writer Rigby Rat discusses the proper way to leave a relationship.
The best way to end a relationship is amicably. Meaning, don’t do it during an argument, or if you are emotionally overwrought. Also, make sure you’re breaking up not because of an emotional knee-jerk reaction, but because you have fallen out of love and can’t reconcile your differences.
If you’re one hundred percent certain it’s over, then let her down gently, honestly, and succinctly. Discuss only YOUR feelings. “I’m hurt because you cheated on me. The best thing for me to do is to move on, move out, and start my healing process. I’ll be moving my things out tomorrow.” No need to discuss or harp on any other past issues. If her cheating on you is the straw that broke the camel’s back, then that is the issue you make her aware of by briefly stating your feelings and your intentions. If her response is to turn the tables, she might say: “What about you? You’re never home.” DO NOT fall for this type of verbal volley, or engage in it. Instead, pay the check and leave. (If you drive to the restaurant, make sure you take two cars!)
Another way a relationship ends amicably is when the wrongdoer owns up to her indiscretion and allows the other person to move on. My friend Kat did just that. She and her boyfriend, Kevin, had a very civil conversation over dinner at a local restaurant. Kat offered Kevin his space to heal. He declined, saying it was over. Although devastated, Kat respected Kevin’s decision. He helped her move out, then cut off all contact with her. Kat and Kevin’s mother, however, remained friends and kept in touch. Kevin immediately fell into another relationship that lasted two years. One day, Kevin and Kat bumped into one another at Kevin’s mother’s house. (Kat was visiting with her infant daughter.) Kevin told Kat that if he had to do it all over again, he would never have broken up with her. How unfortunate for Kevin that he didn’t take Kat’s suggestion that they take a break from one another so that Kevin could heal. Live and learn, guys!
So, how do you end a relationship? With finesse. And if you truly don’t have the skills to handle such a delicate situation, DO NOT take this personal dilemma to your guy friends for advice, or help. Instead, contact a relationship counselor for the tools to make the parting of the ways less traumatic for her, and you. You’ll be glad you did.