This week staff writer Stephany Salinas covers the subject of chivalry. Read on and tell us your thoughts!
…and women are the ones to blame.
That’s right. Listen up ladies, because here’s a harsh reality check.
For those of you who claim that “Chivalry is dead” and that “gentleman don’t exist”, there’s a really good chance that you’re part of the problem.
It begins with standards and ends with ungratefulness. As a woman, I will admit I don’t know what the hell I want. One day I want a sexy, career-driven man in a suit to take me out to a fancy dinner, and the next day I want a guy in a beanie and plaid shirt to take me to a local show in the city. The difference between me and a lot of unfortunate women out there: I’m okay with being alone, and I appreciate the hell out of genuine gestures.
As for being okay with being alone, I didn’t used to be. In fact, I hated being alone. Before 2012, I hadn’t been single for more than a month in years. And not because I was dating one guy, but because I jumped from relationship to relationship. It wasn’t until the end of 2011/beginning of 2012 that I realized it was possible to be single and not be miserable. So I had fun. I went on two dates with two amazing guys (both were extremely chivalrous), and realized that for once I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t ready to rush into anything yet. For once, it was ME who didn’t want it, and it felt great! But after being with a guy who treated me like garbage, to seeing what it was like to be treated like a lady…it was extremely eye opening. From that point on, I made it my goal to not settle for anything less than butterflies (how cheesy), or anyone who didn’t treat me anything other than amazing. So, thank you boys. You know who you are.
And ladies, when I say being treated amazing, I’m not talking about someone who takes you to 5-star restaurants or drives you around in his Jaguar. I’m talking about an all around good guy who will open doors for you (car doors included), be hospitable, and a downright gentleman. Someone who will take you out for coffee or dinner because he wants to make you happy.
So where does the fault of the woman come in? We settle. Why do we settle? Because the thought of settling and lowering our standards sounds better than being alone. So instead of waiting just a tad bit longer for the good guy to come around and sweep you off of your feet, you settle for Douchebag McAsshat. You know, the guy who won’t take you out on a date. The guy who doesn’t really care about you, but will keep you around because you have boobs and smell nice. This is probably the same guy who will never love you, but you feel the need to “win” his love because you want to be “The Exception”.
Ever hear a guy say, “Nice guys finish last”? This is part of what he is talking about. We settle for less than what we deserve, and then run around asking, “where did all the nice guys go?” Want to know where all the nice guys went? They’re busy. They’re busy getting their hopes crushed by those of us who settle. I’m guilty of it, and there’s a very good chance you are too. Stop sleeping with the men who won’t even open a car door for you. Don’t hook up with someone who isn’t proud to call you his girlfriend. Quit driving yourself crazy over someone who won’t even buy you coffee.
There are 3.5 BILLION men on this planet. It’s entirely possible to find a gentleman who will treat you right. So stop settling! Lack of gratitude. Good. Lord. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen a guy open a door for a girl, only for it to go unnoticed. Like it’s expected of a man to do it. Granted, a little piece of me does expect the door to get opened for me, but I’m not going to assume that every man is going to do it. And when it DOES happen, you can bet your ass that I’m giving this guy a huge “Thank you so much!” and a big smile, so he knows that he just made my day.
I dated a guy who opened car doors for me, always paid, and always picked me up, even if we were going back to his house. And not a day went by where I didn’t say thank you or some form of gratitude. It was amazing, genuine, and kind of him. He didn’t have to, but he did. And I wanted him to know that I appreciated it.
So ladies, I’m not asking you to sleep with every guy who opens the car door for you, but show some appreciation. Genuine gratitude will take you a long way, I promise!
So knock it off with the “Chivalry is dead” crap. It’s very much alive. You’re just focusing on the wrong men.