Hindsight 20/30

Now I will be the first to admit that I’ve complained of the seeming lack of “Mr. Rights” more times than I care to count. I’d come back from another failed date,  another break-up, or a dating dry spell that would have a Westerns set look lush and inviting. As I’ve gotten older and moved closer to 30, I really started to hone in on my tendency towards tunnel-vision in dating. If I’m involved with someone exclusively, I am completely focused on him. I rearrange my schedule to accommodate his no matter how inconvenient it may be. In the period following my breakups, I see the destructiveness of this mind frame and even seem to learn from this in time for the next guy. I never fully realized how much I really wanted something real, healthy and nourishing romantically until after I got over my last breakup. In my first two relationships, I had next to nothing in common with my boyfriends; and in the last two, I had too much in common with my boyfriends but not enough of the positive stuff. I had finally started to realize that my caretaker/troubleshooter response to others gave me too much of a rescuer mentality rather than a romantic one. And I started asking myself: do I really want to be with someone who wants or needs a manager? My answer: No, I don’t. I would resent putting myself in that position and would resent the guy I was managing. I want a partner, someone who is my match without being the opposite sex version of myself and balances my strengths and weaknesses while challenging me to become a better version of myself while supporting me. I found that dating for the sake of not being alone lead me to make some rather questionable choices and didn’t help me to find the quality of partner material I’d like to find. I have realized even more importantly that to attract what I really want in life, I have to do some work on myself from the inside out. With that said, I’m off to do some emotional spring cleaning. From now on, I am an attractor for greatness.

How to Do a Background Check on Your New Date

This is a wonderful article from guest blogger, Alexandra from Background Hawk on arming yourself with information when meeting someone new. Enjoy, comment, and share!

 

It takes a lot of effort and calming of the nerves to get to know someone on a deeper level and actually trust them enough to want to go out on a real face-to-face date with them; and in the crazy world we live in today, if you aren’t 100% sure that the John you imagined meeting, really is who he says he is, then chances are you could be up for some major disappointment…or worse.

There are a lot of people out there who wouldn’t even blink at the idea of misleading you and creating a picture of someone and something they really aren’t. Basic instinct should be your first guide when dealing with a prospective new date. How you feel about the guy should tell you what to do, but if your head and your heart aren’t on the same bandwagon, there are a few steps you can take in order to do your own research.

  • Take a peek into his different online persona’s

Platforms such as Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram give you a personal and more detailed peek into someone’s personality, even though it may only be what they are showing the virtual world, it could still give you some pointers. If his profile is bombarded with crass images and millions of friends it should be sending of some alarms. Snoop around a bit. A little Facebook browsing never hurt anyone.

 

 

  • Make use of free public searches

If you’re not having luck digging up any dirt on the social media platforms, then head on over to the public records. Sure you can do it old school and hit the local courts to sift through the records to see if he’s got any dirt hidden in the closet (but that could take ages, and in today’s fast paced world, who has the time for that?), or you can play it easy, and use sites such as www.criminalsearches.com , which has all the criminal records form the United States listed on there. If they appear on the public records then you should be able to find it there.

 

 

  • Dig a little deeper

There’s a site called www.PeekYou.com that gives you a summary of all the different social media profiles that one person has. Take what you find here and compare it carefully. If he’s an IT manager in his one “life” and an Art Director in the next, head for the hills, ASAP! Sites like these work great in giving you a perspective of what exactly makes himself out to be and can really help you when you want to try to determine who and what he really is.

 

  • Get in touch

Okay so no one likes to be a snooper, but every once in a while you have to simply take a deep breath and gather the guts to actually phone or meet up with one of his friends. Ask about who he is and what he’s all about. His friends might not be all too eager to spill the beans about him; but this is well worth a shot, and you might just find some info that could otherwise remain unheard of here.

 

  • Get an OPEN perspective of things

If you haven’t heard of it by bow, do yourself a favor and go check out the site www.Openbook.org . It lists all archived comments and posts a specific person (obviously the one you are digging into) has ever made or been tagged in on Facebook. This step might be a little border line stalker behavior, but hey, you never know what you could uncover with a little browsing!

 

  • Do a DEEP Internet Search

Sometimes due to the fact that we tend to use either the wrong passwords or the fact that we just don’t know exactly what to search for search engines such as Google and Bing will omit results or just not see them as relevant and thus you’ll end up without a hit on what you’re searching for. This is where sites such as www.Pipl.com come in, and man is it handy! It’s a little more like a people networking site but it does some crazy deep web digging, and goes into places and spaces that Google wont. If he exists on the internet then chances are Pipl will have something on him.

The tactics we talked about here are ways in which you can conduct your own form of online research and do a little DIY Background checking on that potential date you have in mind. If all else fails and you still don’t have any dodgy details, he might actually be who he says he is, but if you still have a weird instinctive feeling that all isn’t as it seems then do yourself a favor and get help from the pros.

An advanced background check from a quality service provider will get you all the details you ever needed and so much more. Their results are accurate and up to date – but you have to be sure you use a reputable and reliable service provider. They can get you details on just about anything from criminal history to driving offenses listings and more, but off course the services they deliver do come at a price. Good things are hard to come by and they certainly don’t come for free. It’s something well worth investing in if you have a creepy feeling about someone!

To round things up, there are countless ways in which the internet can help you conduct a quick and effective background check on someone. Not all players in the dating game are that bad, and not everyone is out to get you, but the reality is that there really are cyber stalkers and cons out there who would love the opportunity to take you for a ride. The golden rule however still remains: trust your gut instinct. If something or someone looks too good to be true, then sadly, it probably is and you should be heading in the opposite direction.

Alexandra is a member of the BackgroundHawk.com team, bringing you tips on how to date safely, and reviews of background checking services.